Guy disappeared after death

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I clicked on this thread thinking that a guy stopped dating OP after he died, and I was curious what OP's expectation would be.

Seriously though, I think OP included the part about the guy sounding like he was crying as evidence that she believes he really had a sister who died and didn't just make up this story. OP, I can see how this situation would bother you. You've been dating the guy for 6 weeks yet he didn't even think you merited a head's up. I can see how that would hurt and make you feel unimportant. It's perfectly reasonable to expect him to at least send you a quick text letting you know what happened so you know why he'll be incommunicado for a while.

At this point, you need to think about whether you can accept the way things are and if it's worth seeing if your relationship will grow. TBH, six weeks is enough time to know if you're really into someone or not. This would have bothered me too, OP.

Its also perfectly reasonable for him to not reach out for three days after his sister died. Especially after dating only six weeks. Dating someone for a month and a half is nothing. You barely know each other.

OP, let this dude go for now and leave him be. Either he needs to grieve and doesn't want to involve you in that right now because he's the type of person that wants to process that alone/with family, is grieving and isn't interested enough in you to involve you in that, or is a lying scum trying to dump you. All of those point towards you need to leave him be for now. If he's telling the truth and truly grieving, and if he was interested in you enough, he'll likely come back around once he's feeling better and had some time. If not, then it prob wasn't going to work out long term anyway.

I know if I was in his shoes, I wouldn't be concerned with making someone I'd known for 6 weeks feel comfortable. My concerns would probably be how I was going to feed myself, if I could even get out of bed, and ensuring I showered once this week because I would be an absolute wreck. Relationship communication with someone I barely know would not be high on my list for a few weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I clicked on this thread thinking that a guy stopped dating OP after he died, and I was curious what OP's expectation would be.

Seriously though, I think OP included the part about the guy sounding like he was crying as evidence that she believes he really had a sister who died and didn't just make up this story. OP, I can see how this situation would bother you. You've been dating the guy for 6 weeks yet he didn't even think you merited a head's up. I can see how that would hurt and make you feel unimportant. It's perfectly reasonable to expect him to at least send you a quick text letting you know what happened so you know why he'll be incommunicado for a while.

At this point, you need to think about whether you can accept the way things are and if it's worth seeing if your relationship will grow. TBH, six weeks is enough time to know if you're really into someone or not. This would have bothered me too, OP.

Its also perfectly reasonable for him to not reach out for three days after his sister died. Especially after dating only six weeks. Dating someone for a month and a half is nothing. You barely know each other.

OP, let this dude go for now and leave him be. Either he needs to grieve and doesn't want to involve you in that right now because he's the type of person that wants to process that alone/with family, is grieving and isn't interested enough in you to involve you in that, or is a lying scum trying to dump you. All of those point towards you need to leave him be for now. If he's telling the truth and truly grieving, and if he was interested in you enough, he'll likely come back around once he's feeling better and had some time. If not, then it prob wasn't going to work out long term anyway.

I know if I was in his shoes, I wouldn't be concerned with making someone I'd known for 6 weeks feel comfortable. My concerns would probably be how I was going to feed myself, if I could even get out of bed, and ensuring I showered once this week because I would be an absolute wreck. Relationship communication with someone I barely know would not be high on my list for a few weeks.

I disagree. Back when I was single, I could tell pretty quickly when things just clicked and we're into each other. At 6 weeks with daily contact, I think OP deserved a quick text letting her know what happened and that he'll reach out when he comes up for air. Just a sentence or two so she's not hanging wondering why he dropped off the face of the planet. That's all she expected, and I think it's reasonable.

[Anonymous]

I keep seeing this post title and being immediately thinking "You really want a dead body hanging around in your house"?

[Anonymous]

When my brother died suddenly in was in my 20s and was basically non responsive for months. I’d been dating a guy for six months at the time. He showed up and expected nothing from me that whole time. Put food in my fridge...got me out of the house occasionally, hugged me when I cried. In the back of my mind I thought regularly that it was too early for us to be dealing with something so heavy. He happened to be physically with me when I found out and drove me home to my parents house that day. He just never really made me ask for anything, I wasn’t capable, just provided a quiet wall of support. He’s now my husband.

I guess my points are

1) it’s totally within the realm of possibility that he’s not even thinking straight enough to think the way you want him to
2) he might not want to saddle someone he’s been dating for six weeks (so still a light and happy relationship) with something so heavy, and since he’s unable to fake light and happy, is just choosing to withdraw instead
3) you sound like an insensitive jerk who doesn’t care that he’s hurting, and that is probably also coming across when you talk to him. The insensitive jerks that wanted to make my grief about them were the first people on the chopping block when the dust settled