DD is Failing School
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Anonymous
| Get a pregnancy test. |
Anonymous
OP--she is on birth control. |
Anonymous
| I think you mean a 180 |
Anonymous
yes, I would be irate today if one of my parent "friends" was facilitating my 16 year old having sex with an adult. I hope, hope, hope that people will let me know if my own daughter is being preyed upon like this. I was not on birth control and it's nuts to think about. |
Anonymous
This is what I wondered about, OP. I have 18 year old twins and they have applied to colleges early action. One twin has been accepted to a college with lots of merit aid already. If your DD has already applied to colleges, just help her get to the finish line to get her high school diploma. As you know, a high school diploma is a legal document. Does you DD want to go to college? Even if she is not interested in college now, she needs to finish high school to get her diploma. My boy twin is kind of like your DD. He periodically sneaks out at night and smokes weed regularly but he is set on going away to college and stays on top of his work. He had a bumpy start to high school but is making straight As now because he has goals and knows what he wants to major in. Maybe if you help your DD focus on the future and what she wants to do, she can regroup and get back on track. I do not believe in all the punishment the posters are recommending. I don't think half of them have teenagers or young adults. The punitive measures do not work at the late teen, early adult stage. It will just make them angry and bitter and destroy the relationship between parent and child. You are doing the best you can but you need to find a way to get DD back on track to complete the work for her diploma. |
Anonymous
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She is not staying at her friend’s house. She is meeting up with her 21 year old boyfriend. To keep her at home, you should try to accept her boyfriend so he comes to your house and she doesn’t have to be secretive and deceptive.
If you own the car, you have every right to and should immediately take the car keys. She should not be driving around during Covid anyway, but especially not with those grades. It is not too late to get her back on track. I also have to institute tough love on my kids and monitor their grades weekly or their grades will quickly dip. |
Anonymous
NP who has a troubled teen who is also 18. Here are my thoughts. You are most likely misguided if you thing that there are no drugs and no drinking and if you believe that she is not dating the older boy. Also, if you have not confirmed with the parents of her friends about where she is staying, you are probably misguided if you believe she is staying with friends. Usually, if a kid stays with you for more than a night at a time, there is conversation between the parents about it. You are right that at 18 you can't control what she does. You can only control you. Personally, I would not have given my child a car if they were staying with us only about two nights a week. So long as my kids are living with me, they can use our cars with permission and time limits. I would most likely not take away the phone. I did that once and it turned out badly. Other times, the phone wasn't working so I couldn't find him and I reported him as a missing child when he didn't come home at a reasonable hour. Losing touch with your child when they are young and troubled is terrifying and the phone is probably your only lifeline. As far as money, I don't give my kids pocket. They can get a job of they want that. I give them money for a Starbucks or for the movies or whatever specific thing they want. But, just generally giving them money isn't what we do. My only last thought for you is that maybe if you reach out to the school counselor, they can help. But, I wouldn't count on it changing much. Sorry to be pessimistic. In some ways, I think you have a harder road than I do because I never gave my kids the things you are considering taking away. Be prepared for a major blow up if/when you do it. FWIW, I think that people who don't have difficult or troubled kids are quick to criticize. It is easy to be smug, pat yourself on the back and take credit when everything goes well. |
Anonymous
My 18 yr. old DS, who is a HS senior, has a friend like this. His mother does not know where he is half the time even on school nights. But, I am never judgmental with the mother and tell her her son is welcome at our house any time, which is true. I know there are things going on that I am not privy to and teenagers can be tricky at that age. We think we have the most influence on them but we don't -- their friends and peers do. If you don't believe that and think that is a symptom of bad parenting, you are fooling yourself. We try to teach our kids to make smart decisions because the bad ones can affect their future. That is all we can do. |
Anonymous
| 180 not 360 |
Anonymous
| Have you tried to talk to her? And actually listen? What is going on in your house that is pushing her away? Since you all seem to be a more liberal family than mine, why are you limiting the boyfriend? You’ve given her a car, paying bills and letting her stay out of your home 5 nights a week. At this point, have her and the boyfriend under your roof under the condition that she get her schooling back under control. To me, just from reading the post is you’ve allowed her behavior all this time but now want to be firm. That’s not right so now you pay the cost of your previous choices. And have you done a drug test, checked to see if she is having regular periods, not being abused and with the parents of where she says she’s staying? To me something happened for he to reverse course and you need to figure out what that was. |
Anonymous
OP--Yes. We have tried talking to her. The potential boyfriend is non-negotiable. He is working fast food at 21yo and not enrolled in any type of school/trade program. I would accept a 21yo boy that wants to be an electrician/plumber, going to trade school, enrolled in NoVa….but not this one for sure. |
Anonymous
DP. You're making assumptions. How is your post helpful to OP? |
Anonymous
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OP, have you talked to your daughter and asked her to explain why her grades have been dropping and why she has been leaving the house?
Have her schedule a meeting with guidance counsellor to discuss plans for college ASAP. Maybe something like depression is involved? |
Anonymous
| You say the boyfriend is non-negotiable, but you let your daughter sleep somewhere else 5 nights a week. The consensus of the other parents on this site seems to be she is spending those nights with her boyfriend. What are the consequences? You don't owe her support, financial or otherwise, if she is not willing to respect your rules whiles she "lives" in your home. |
Anonymous
Eh, not so much. You may have been a good student and a kind kid, I'm not saying you were "bad" but also not the definition of the "good kids" in HS- those were not the ones who did this or snuck around or anything that reads as cool- good kids were the boring kids! I was one, trust me, sometimes I would have given anything to not have been so good! |