DD is Failing School

[Anonymous]

DD just turned 18 a month ago and completely did a 360 on us. 1st Quarter ended with mostly As, now we have all Fs. She logs into the classes, but does nothing....does not submit homework....does not participate in class. We check her grades every couple of weeks and we can see teacher's emails pointing out she is not participating and turning in homework. She maybe spends two nights at home every week and sleeps over at her girlfriends' most of the time. There are no drugs or drinking involved. She is interested in dating an older boy (21yo), but we said she is only allowed to date her peers in HS. We did tell her she can date whomever she wants once she is in college. We're thinking about taking her car keys away, phone, access to cash. The only problem is she 18 now and there is not much we can do. How would you approach this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD just turned 18 a month ago and completely did a 360 on us. 1st Quarter ended with mostly As, now we have all Fs. She logs into the classes, but does nothing....does not submit homework....does not participate in class. We check her grades every couple of weeks and we can see teacher's emails pointing out she is not participating and turning in homework. She maybe spends two nights at home every week and sleeps over at her girlfriends' most of the time. There are no drugs or drinking involved. She is interested in dating an older boy (21yo), but we said she is only allowed to date her peers in HS. We did tell her she can date whomever she wants once she is in college. We're thinking about taking her car keys away, phone, access to cash. The only problem is she 18 now and there is not much we can do. How would you approach this?

Wash your hands off of her. She is already gone. You do not have any control over her and her sexual activities...because the bolded is when the said sexual activities is happening.

But what can you do now?. This is a parenting fail that started from the time she was born. Sorry, but she has no self-respect or goals in life.

[Anonymous]

She's basically not living with you any longer, so you have no idea whether there are drugs, drinking, or dating going on.

[Anonymous]

Is it HER phone or yours? HER car or yours? Of COURSE you should have taken these things away.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry, that sounds so difficult. We had similar issues with our son. Can you focus on getting her to finish her high school degree? That can be a very compelling argument (especially if she used to get As) as there aren't as many opportunities for people who don't finish high school. We offered to our son that he should just get a GED, but he ended up graduating because he only needed one more class, and he was able to get "work release" so that he didn't have to attend anything but English class. Your daughter might be able to graduate early or just take one or two classes for the rest of the year - maybe she would be ok with this compromise.

I realize this advice is unlike what you will hear from most people, but I suspect punishment is unlikely to help her if she's already spending most days away from the house. If she is really pushing for her independence, then you might be better off supporting her in a way that will help position her for success in the future. This stuff is hard! I wish you the best.

[Anonymous]

It's something kids need to learn, and it has to be said to them explicitly and repeatedly: with independence comes responsibility. It would be fine if she were spending the night over a friends' house several nights a week (independence) if she kept up on her responsibilities (school). Put it to her that way and see what she says.

I agree with PP talking about options to get her to finish her high school degree. But at some point, the discussion has to turn to the fact that you pay for things like cell phone and car, and she cannot afford those on her own. She needs to understand how you are supporting her, and what you can take away if she doesn't work on high school. It's really not a big ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD just turned 18 a month ago and completely did a 360 on us. 1st Quarter ended with mostly As, now we have all Fs. She logs into the classes, but does nothing....does not submit homework....does not participate in class. We check her grades every couple of weeks and we can see teacher's emails pointing out she is not participating and turning in homework. She maybe spends two nights at home every week and sleeps over at her girlfriends' most of the time. There are no drugs or drinking involved. She is interested in dating an older boy (21yo), but we said she is only allowed to date her peers in HS. We did tell her she can date whomever she wants once she is in college. We're thinking about taking her car keys away, phone, access to cash. The only problem is she 18 now and there is not much we can do. How would you approach this?

Wash your hands off of her. She is already gone. You do not have any control over her and her sexual activities...because the bolded is when the said sexual activities is happening.

But what can you do now?. This is a parenting fail that started from the time she was born. Sorry, but she has no self-respect or goals in life.

LOL wow, just wow PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD just turned 18 a month ago and completely did a 360 on us. 1st Quarter ended with mostly As, now we have all Fs. She logs into the classes, but does nothing....does not submit homework....does not participate in class. We check her grades every couple of weeks and we can see teacher's emails pointing out she is not participating and turning in homework. She maybe spends two nights at home every week and sleeps over at her girlfriends' most of the time. There are no drugs or drinking involved. She is interested in dating an older boy (21yo), but we said she is only allowed to date her peers in HS. We did tell her she can date whomever she wants once she is in college. We're thinking about taking her car keys away, phone, access to cash. The only problem is she 18 now and there is not much we can do. How would you approach this?

Wash your hands off of her. She is already gone. You do not have any control over her and her sexual activities...because the bolded is when the said sexual activities is happening.

But what can you do now?. This is a parenting fail that started from the time she was born. Sorry, but she has no self-respect or goals in life.

LOL wow, just wow PP.

OP here. This is not the advice I would be taken. Clearly, we don't want to wash our hands clean of her. We need to encourage her in some way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD just turned 18 a month ago and completely did a 360 on us. 1st Quarter ended with mostly As, now we have all Fs. She logs into the classes, but does nothing....does not submit homework....does not participate in class. We check her grades every couple of weeks and we can see teacher's emails pointing out she is not participating and turning in homework. She maybe spends two nights at home every week and sleeps over at her girlfriends' most of the time. There are no drugs or drinking involved. She is interested in dating an older boy (21yo), but we said she is only allowed to date her peers in HS. We did tell her she can date whomever she wants once she is in college. We're thinking about taking her car keys away, phone, access to cash. The only problem is she 18 now and there is not much we can do. How would you approach this?

Wash your hands off of her. She is already gone. You do not have any control over her and her sexual activities...because the bolded is when the said sexual activities is happening.

But what can you do now?. This is a parenting fail that started from the time she was born. Sorry, but she has no self-respect or goals in life.

LOL wow, just wow PP.

OP here. This is not the advice I would be taken. Clearly, we don't want to wash our hands clean of her. We need to encourage her in some way.

OP you are either a troll or a truly clueless parent. Why are you letting her stay anywhere? She's your kid. You are providing for her. You call the shots. If you have a terrible relationship, then you need to work on it ASAP. Get a family therapist involved today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD just turned 18 a month ago and completely did a 360 on us. 1st Quarter ended with mostly As, now we have all Fs. She logs into the classes, but does nothing....does not submit homework....does not participate in class. We check her grades every couple of weeks and we can see teacher's emails pointing out she is not participating and turning in homework. She maybe spends two nights at home every week and sleeps over at her girlfriends' most of the time. There are no drugs or drinking involved. She is interested in dating an older boy (21yo), but we said she is only allowed to date her peers in HS. We did tell her she can date whomever she wants once she is in college. We're thinking about taking her car keys away, phone, access to cash. The only problem is she 18 now and there is not much we can do. How would you approach this?

I would take away phone, car, and cash.

[Anonymous]

Give her fast food applications and tell her she’s picking up shifts if she wants your financial support. It won’t take long for her to realize how small her check is and how miserable the work is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give her fast food applications and tell her she’s picking up shifts if she wants your financial support. It won’t take long for her to realize how small her check is and how miserable the work is

She works a few times a week, but not in fast food. WE already went through the fast food trials, she didn't want to do fast food after one day trial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give her fast food applications and tell her she’s picking up shifts if she wants your financial support. It won’t take long for her to realize how small her check is and how miserable the work is

She works a few times a week, but not in fast food. WE already went through the fast food trials, she didn't want to do fast food after one day trial.

Stop paying her bills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give her fast food applications and tell her she’s picking up shifts if she wants your financial support. It won’t take long for her to realize how small her check is and how miserable the work is

She works a few times a week, but not in fast food. WE already went through the fast food trials, she didn't want to do fast food after one day trial.

of course not, minimum wage jobs (the kind you get without if you drop out) really suck. If she works now, sit her down and do a budget based on that job full time. That may wake her up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD just turned 18 a month ago and completely did a 360 on us. 1st Quarter ended with mostly As, now we have all Fs. She logs into the classes, but does nothing....does not submit homework....does not participate in class. We check her grades every couple of weeks and we can see teacher's emails pointing out she is not participating and turning in homework. She maybe spends two nights at home every week and sleeps over at her girlfriends' most of the time. There are no drugs or drinking involved. She is interested in dating an older boy (21yo), but we said she is only allowed to date her peers in HS. We did tell her she can date whomever she wants once she is in college. We're thinking about taking her car keys away, phone, access to cash. The only problem is she 18 now and there is not much we can do. How would you approach this?

Wash your hands off of her. She is already gone. You do not have any control over her and her sexual activities...because the bolded is when the said sexual activities is happening.

But what can you do now?. This is a parenting fail that started from the time she was born. Sorry, but she has no self-respect or goals in life.

LOL wow, just wow PP.

OP here. This is not the advice I would be taken. Clearly, we don't want to wash our hands clean of her. We need to encourage her in some way.

OP you are either a troll or a truly clueless parent. Why are you letting her stay anywhere? She's your kid. You are providing for her. You call the shots. If you have a terrible relationship, then you need to work on it ASAP. Get a family therapist involved today.

What Am I going to do? Lock her in her room? I can't really do that. I can only use soft approaches and take away car, phone, cash.