Help with coparenting when spouse is leaving for AP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP needs to be prepared for changing reality. What if the EX and his new wife have kids? Half siblings of her own kids. You gotta play nice.

OP, As I said in my original post, the AP has no children. She is considerably younger. I am aware of a changing reality, that’s life with divorce. What I am trying to do is make that reality less damaging for my kids. They don’t deserve any of this.

Oh, I’m sorry you meant if they have kids together. My bad. Yes, I realize that is a likely scenario given her age. I would never, ever make things more difficult for my children or their half siblings. Even for the AP, especially if she becomes my kids’ stepmother. Right now, however, she is the woman my husband is leaving me for and I don’t want her around. I’m entitled to that.

You are not going to be able to block her from seeing the kids except if there is abuse or neglect.

if they refer to her as the whore or the slut often enough, it may be voluntary

That behavior is completely unacceptable. The woman isn't the issue. Her husband is. If he didn't cheat with the current woman it would have been someone else. Sadly, you have no say what happens during Dad's time. Not to worry, he'll cheat on her too and she may not last long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - Thanks, PPs. And I'm sorry to those who have had to deal with this kind of situation - it feels like a special kind of hell.

Kids are both in elementary school and they don't know AP exists, yet. So they don't seem to understand why we might do Thanksgiving and Christmas separately. They do know we are divorcing, so I have made it about that. A clean break is what I would selfishly like to do, but I worry about how that will affect them. I would prefer to never speak to him again, but obviously that is not realistic.

You don't need to speak to him. Do everything by email and text. He can have them in the day for Thanksgiving and you can have them after 5PM. Reverse for Christmas. You need to make a custody plan with him and then make a calendar so they know what's going on. They will figure out the AP soon enough so he needs to go ahead and tell them. They probably know more than you realize. Best wishes. It sucks.

OP here - Thank you. I have basically gone no contact with him unless it is specifically about our kids. Sadly, he doesn't even care about having them for holidays this year. When I mentioned that we should just split them up and move forward, he was all to happy to give them all to me. He just wants to spend them with his AP.

Then, tell him to get out of the house, go be with her, file for child support and divorce and move on. Nothing you can do. Sorry you are going through that.

+100 Get all of this in writing NOW. Physical custody, all the holidays, and child support based on 100% physical custody. At some point he's going to come out of his sex haze, but by then you'll have the paperwork signed and filed.

OP is waiting for him to do the divorce. She needs to be proactive and file for divorce.

[Anonymous]

OP back - I am the one filing for divorce. Just not at fault, bc that’s extremely expensive and not going to get me anything but more money spent on lawyers.

Unfortunately, I have no legal right to throw him out of the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP back - I am the one filing for divorce. Just not at fault, bc that’s extremely expensive and not going to get me anything but more money spent on lawyers.

Unfortunately, I have no legal right to throw him out of the house.

Can you just give him the house and rent a house or apartment till the divorce is final. And take the kids. Let him have the house. Things are not important and you deserve better.