Is my step-DC entitled?

[Anonymous]

UGH - She is your husband's child, YOU are a grown up and a evil step-parent. Stop behaving like an entitled brat. She does not owe you anything, nor are you allowed to treat her poorly if she doesn't shower you or your kids with gifts. You obviously don't consider her needs as equal to you or your own children's, nor do you respect your husband desire to treat her like his child. Let me give you a clue : she knows you don't like or respect her and despise the attention her father pays towards her... kids ALWAYS know. Your husband knows too.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s typical for siblings to buy each other presents.

Could you maybe pay for a pedicure and lunch for your SD and two friends? It’s not as fancy as a spa day, but it would still be fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dread this....step-DD's Birthday is next month and she wants a spa treatment for herself and two of her friends at a high-end spa. She has not given a gift to me or my kids (her brother and sister) for the past two years for our Birthdays, but I am expected to pony up. This year she said that she was going to make or bake something for her younger siblings, but ended up just showing up for the celebration and didn't contribute anything timewise or even tried to make/buy a small gift. I am just kind of sick of it and plan on giving her a nice Birthday card with a Happy Birthday note from me and the kids. Am I wrong here?

You sound like an evil step mom that is jealous of their relationship. This is twisted

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand. Why does it matter to you what her own dad spends on her from his own money? Tell him you will contribute $100 for lunch and let him pay for the spa treatment if he wants to. Done. IMO, all gifts to all kids should be from both of you, so why the hand-wringing over the present from “you and the kids”? It’s like you are trying to separate the family more than is necessary.

[Anonymous]

No, she is not entitled because I assume you asked what she wanted. She probably said that is what she wanted to her father as she probably is not privy to your and his $$$ arraignment. It is like, if I ask my daughter what she wants for her b-day, she won't say: on from. you and I want this and from dad I want this. She will just state what she wants and we go from there.


That said, you re a piece of shit of a stepmother. This kid has no obligation whatsoever to buy her sibling gifts - would it be nice? Yes! Required? NO! Most kids don't buy their sibling gifts when they are teenagers and are working for their money.

If you don't want to give her a gift, you have no obligation either - and neither do your kids. I don't buy gifts from my children to give to their siblings for x-mas or birthday. Once they are ADULTS and want to spend their own money on it, good for them.

Since you are not her mother, you don't have to buy anything either - just a cake or a "happy birthday" if you are so inclined would do. You are not family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is 17 year old supposed to buy you and her half or step siblings presents? Usuallyparents buy present for kids. If kids do buy something for a parent it is usually something small. If she has no money, how is she to do this?
She is expecting a present from her parent who is your spouse. As she should, not from you really. She does not sound entitled. She could be wanting a Range Rover. Plus, pony up? She is your family, do you dread ponying up for your won kids presents? How many presents do you receive from your own children?

I got allowance from age 4 to almost 14, and would start saving mid-summer for holiday gifts for family. I would also ask my dad to hire me to rake and bag leaves through the fall. I started working as a babysitter when I was 12, then split a newspaper route with my older brother when I was 13 and we would run out to shovel driveways in the winters, and at 14, I worked as a cashier at a supermarket. I kept babysitting all through high school. I worked at the supermarket about 15 hours a week. I earned over $250 a month. So by the time I was 12 I ABSOLUTELY had the money to buy people gifts.

[Anonymous]

There's nothing wrong with you telling her "My budget is about $200-250 - so feel free to let me know what you'd like in that range."

[Anonymous]

I don’t recall giving my siblings birthday presents. The parents did that and the presents were from everyone on the family. You guys are her parents. Give her a gift. A spa day sounds like a bad idea in the middle of a pandemic however, and overly priceless unless you guys have plenty of money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t recall giving my siblings birthday presents. The parents did that and the presents were from everyone on the family. You guys are her parents. Give her a gift. A spa day sounds like a bad idea in the middle of a pandemic however, and overly priceless unless you guys have plenty of money.

*overly pricey

[Anonymous]

Give her a birthday card with 100$ cash. I cannot fathom giving a teenager more than that.

[Anonymous]

We always saved our allowance and did extra chores and extra babysitting to earn money to buy gifts for siblings and parents and maybe our best friend or favorite auntie. It was a tremendous feeling of accomplishment that carried over into adulthood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand. Why does it matter to you what her own dad spends on her from his own money? Tell him you will contribute $100 for lunch and let him pay for the spa treatment if he wants to. Done. IMO, all gifts to all kids should be from both of you, so why the hand-wringing over the present from “you and the kids”? It’s like you are trying to separate the family more than is necessary.

Reading between the lines it sounds like her DH expects her (the stepmom) to contribute significantly to this present. That’s a big part of why she’s annoyed.

The second part is a feeling of inequity towards her own children. She said that she was the only one who bought presents for her and DH’s 2 children. I would not be okay with having separate finances and my husband spending nothing on our shared children. Watching him spend lavishly on his firstborn would be like rubbing salt in the wound. However, AND this is a big caveat — this is a husband problem! Yes, it must be dealt with and you should talk about it — BUT it has NOTHING to do with your stepdaughter.

Your stepdaughter’s gift should come “from both of you” It doesn’t matter if you contribute $50 or $950 to fund her spa day. Both of you sign the same card and you give her ONE gift certificate from both of you. How you divide up who pays for it is private. And I agree with PP, you should offer what you’re comfortable with, and it’s on him to cover the rest — if he wants to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, she is not entitled because I assume you asked what she wanted. She probably said that is what she wanted to her father as she probably is not privy to your and his $$$ arraignment. It is like, if I ask my daughter what she wants for her b-day, she won't say: on from. you and I want this and from dad I want this. She will just state what she wants and we go from there.


That said, you re a piece of shit of a stepmother. This kid has no obligation whatsoever to buy her sibling gifts - would it be nice? Yes! Required? NO! Most kids don't buy their sibling gifts when they are teenagers and are working for their money.

If you don't want to give her a gift, you have no obligation either - and neither do your kids. I don't buy gifts from my children to give to their siblings for x-mas or birthday. Once they are ADULTS and want to spend their own money on it, good for them.

Since you are not her mother, you don't have to buy anything either - just a cake or a "happy birthday" if you are so inclined would do. You are not family.

You can’t have it both ways...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is 17 year old supposed to buy you and her half or step siblings presents? Usuallyparents buy present for kids. If kids do buy something for a parent it is usually something small. If she has no money, how is she to do this?
She is expecting a present from her parent who is your spouse. As she should, not from you really. She does not sound entitled. She could be wanting a Range Rover. Plus, pony up? She is your family, do you dread ponying up for your won kids presents? How many presents do you receive from your own children?

I got allowance from age 4 to almost 14, and would start saving mid-summer for holiday gifts for family. I would also ask my dad to hire me to rake and bag leaves through the fall. I started working as a babysitter when I was 12, then split a newspaper route with my older brother when I was 13 and we would run out to shovel driveways in the winters, and at 14, I worked as a cashier at a supermarket. I kept babysitting all through high school. I worked at the supermarket about 15 hours a week. I earned over $250 a month. So by the time I was 12 I ABSOLUTELY had the money to buy people gifts.

You are hilarious...OMG, you saved your allowance? You saved the money daddy gave you to do chores that other kids do for free? Please recognize your own privilege.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is 17 year old supposed to buy you and her half or step siblings presents? Usuallyparents buy present for kids. If kids do buy something for a parent it is usually something small. If she has no money, how is she to do this?
She is expecting a present from her parent who is your spouse. As she should, not from you really. She does not sound entitled. She could be wanting a Range Rover. Plus, pony up? She is your family, do you dread ponying up for your won kids presents? How many presents do you receive from your own children?

I got allowance from age 4 to almost 14, and would start saving mid-summer for holiday gifts for family. I would also ask my dad to hire me to rake and bag leaves through the fall. I started working as a babysitter when I was 12, then split a newspaper route with my older brother when I was 13 and we would run out to shovel driveways in the winters, and at 14, I worked as a cashier at a supermarket. I kept babysitting all through high school. I worked at the supermarket about 15 hours a week. I earned over $250 a month. So by the time I was 12 I ABSOLUTELY had the money to buy people gifts.

You are hilarious...OMG, you saved your allowance? You saved the money daddy gave you to do chores that other kids do for free? Please recognize your own privilege.

Seriously. I worked in middle school and high school to help my family and be able to do things like participate in school activities and trips. My best friend worked close to full time in high school to help his widowed mother. The privilege is astounding.