As a parent, I feel strongly about...

[Anonymous]

I thought academics and conventional success would be important to me.... But while education is important, I’m more concerned with actual education and not necessarily academic accolades. I mostly want him to be happy, productive, kind, and a good person. A big priority for me is making sure he doesn’t feel alienated and othered the way I did as the only Asian looking kid around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel strongly about antiracist school integration -- intentionally choosing a school in which my white, middle class kid is not in the majority, choosing not to hoard opportunity by requesting to transfer to certain schools/get certain teachers/apply for special programs/get tested for gifted and talented, etc. It's been a journey to get to this point, after a few years of navigating the school lottery systems, boundary discussions, and ugly conversations about "good" and "bad" schools, but I finally feel like now our family is living our values.

I am curious where you landed in terms of schools. I know people who say stuff like this and argue against charters and take great pride in sending their kids to IB schools. But then it turns out their IB is a perfectly fine school. This gets a lot harder when your IB is genuinely a failing school with skyrocketing suspension and truancy rates.

We will either lottery out of our IB or move before our kid hits 1st grade. I value making anti-racist choices but I also value not spiting my child to serve my image of what a progressive should do.

I hear that. I think our school IS fine. But it's also a low GS-rated school in VA that is routinely trashed on this board. Low test scores, predominantly low-income, predominantly students of color, etc. My child is happy and learning. Before you make your school choice, I would encourage you to tour the school in question, and also listen to this podcast, which discusses "sacrificing your child in the altar of social justice": https://integratedschools.org/podcast/ep-4-sacrificing-on-the-altar-of-social-justice-smog/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a two-year-old and a newborn. I do feel strongly about having an educated, loving nanny over daycare or even my sole involvement. Our nanny has a masters in Early Childhood Development and has years of teaching experience. She has a skill set that DH and I simply don’t have and knowledge we don’t possess. I’ve always worked from home so I see how nanny engages and teaches my children. And how she loves them.

It’s also important to me to breastfeed at the breast and not to do any sort of cry-it-out sleep training. I believe firmly in the “fourth-trimester” concept of holding a newborn as much as humanly possible in the first three months.

LOL. The studies don't really back you up there.

[Anonymous]

Setting a good example for my children in everything I do. I want them to grow up in a happy home with loving parents, model good behavior and show them you can have a career but not at the expense of being a great mom and wife. It’s not easy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a two-year-old and a newborn. I do feel strongly about having an educated, loving nanny over daycare or even my sole involvement. Our nanny has a masters in Early Childhood Development and has years of teaching experience. She has a skill set that DH and I simply don’t have and knowledge we don’t possess. I’ve always worked from home so I see how nanny engages and teaches my children. And how she loves them.

It’s also important to me to breastfeed at the breast and not to do any sort of cry-it-out sleep training. I believe firmly in the “fourth-trimester” concept of holding a newborn as much as humanly possible in the first three months.

LOL. The studies don't really back you up there.

LOL. Actually they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel strongly about antiracist school integration -- intentionally choosing a school in which my white, middle class kid is not in the majority, choosing not to hoard opportunity by requesting to transfer to certain schools/get certain teachers/apply for special programs/get tested for gifted and talented, etc. It's been a journey to get to this point, after a few years of navigating the school lottery systems, boundary discussions, and ugly conversations about "good" and "bad" schools, but I finally feel like now our family is living our values.

That seems strange. Being anti racist, who could be against that.

But why would you not apply for special programs for your kids? Or have them tested for gifted programs? That means their education won't be as good as it can be. That makes no sense, why would a parent do that to a child?

Because those programs disproportionately serve white and affluent students, and lead directly to within-school segregation. I agree with the Brown ruling that separate is inherently unequal. I don't think a systematically segregated school experience is better for my child. I don't want them growing up thinking that Black and Brown kids are less than because there are fewer of them in the special classes and programs. I want them to have the opportunity to form genuine relationships with people who are not just like themselves, and school is a perfect place to do that.

And also, I don't believe that America can have a functioning, multiracial democracy unless we have integrated schools and meaningful, cross-racial and cross-class friendships a d relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel strongly about antiracist school integration -- intentionally choosing a school in which my white, middle class kid is not in the majority, choosing not to hoard opportunity by requesting to transfer to certain schools/get certain teachers/apply for special programs/get tested for gifted and talented, etc. It's been a journey to get to this point, after a few years of navigating the school lottery systems, boundary discussions, and ugly conversations about "good" and "bad" schools, but I finally feel like now our family is living our values.

That seems strange. Being anti racist, who could be against that.

But why would you not apply for special programs for your kids? Or have them tested for gifted programs? That means their education won't be as good as it can be. That makes no sense, why would a parent do that to a child?

Because those programs disproportionately serve white and affluent students, and lead directly to within-school segregation. I agree with the Brown ruling that separate is inherently unequal. I don't think a systematically segregated school experience is better for my child. I don't want them growing up thinking that Black and Brown kids are less than because there are fewer of them in the special classes and programs. I want them to have the opportunity to form genuine relationships with people who are not just like themselves, and school is a perfect place to do that.

And also, I don't believe that America can have a functioning, multiracial democracy unless we have integrated schools and meaningful, cross-racial and cross-class friendships a d relationships.

This is why I like the gifted program at our school. It is a good mix of white, East and South Asian, Black, and Hispanic. All the students are high achieving. My kids grow up thinking that different races are all gifted.

[Anonymous]

A love of learning opens all doors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel strongly about antiracist school integration -- intentionally choosing a school in which my white, middle class kid is not in the majority, choosing not to hoard opportunity by requesting to transfer to certain schools/get certain teachers/apply for special programs/get tested for gifted and talented, etc. It's been a journey to get to this point, after a few years of navigating the school lottery systems, boundary discussions, and ugly conversations about "good" and "bad" schools, but I finally feel like now our family is living our values.

That seems strange. Being anti racist, who could be against that.

But why would you not apply for special programs for your kids? Or have them tested for gifted programs? That means their education won't be as good as it can be. That makes no sense, why would a parent do that to a child?

Because those programs disproportionately serve white and affluent students, and lead directly to within-school segregation. I agree with the Brown ruling that separate is inherently unequal. I don't think a systematically segregated school experience is better for my child. I don't want them growing up thinking that Black and Brown kids are less than because there are fewer of them in the special classes and programs. I want them to have the opportunity to form genuine relationships with people who are not just like themselves, and school is a perfect place to do that.

And also, I don't believe that America can have a functioning, multiracial democracy unless we have integrated schools and meaningful, cross-racial and cross-class friendships a d relationships.

I can see where you are coming from. Thanks for sharing that.

[Anonymous]

Resilience
Independent
Kind
Healthy habits
Love of life, adventure

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Resilience
Independent
Kind
Healthy habits
Love of life, adventure

I'm not sure my kids have any of those beyond independence. Nor am I sure those can be taught.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Resilience
Independent
Kind
Healthy habits
Love of life, adventure

I'm not sure my kids have any of those beyond independence. Nor am I sure those can be taught.

Yes, you can absolutely teach a child to be kind and instill healthy habits.

[Anonymous]

Before I became a parent, I felt strongly about many aspects of parenting. Sadly I have realized I cannot instill any values in my children that aren’t inate. I have one that is kind, he came that way. I have one with a great work ethic, he came that way. I have one that is curious, he came that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a two-year-old and a newborn. I do feel strongly about having an educated, loving nanny over daycare or even my sole involvement. Our nanny has a masters in Early Childhood Development and has years of teaching experience. She has a skill set that DH and I simply don’t have and knowledge we don’t possess. I’ve always worked from home so I see how nanny engages and teaches my children. And how she loves them.

It’s also important to me to breastfeed at the breast and not to do any sort of cry-it-out sleep training. I believe firmly in the “fourth-trimester” concept of holding a newborn as much as humanly possible in the first three months.

LOL. The studies don't really back you up there.

This is hilarious- you don’t have the skills to parent? Then why did you have children?

[Anonymous]

Resiliency. Being able to adapt and survive whatever.