Kids who dominate adult conversations

[Anonymous]

Does the child in question have a similar age child she could play with? Or, are the other kids a few years older or younger or are the other kids all boys ( if she is a girl). I don’t think there is any way you can tactfully tell the child or her mom to leave the adults alone. Set up get togethers without kids or deal.

[Anonymous]

OP here and I admit I have had an overall general struggle with the children of this family and yes- maybe it's because I don't know how to set some gentle boundaries without seeming rude. They are always pushing my boundaries and are very outspoken.

As an example, last year, when I had all of her kids over - the older child kept roaming around all over the house into bedrooms, attics, opening closet doors. I guess exploring a new house, and very curious, but I was like ummm... can you please stay downstairs and out of the bedrooms? "Why can't I go in there?" "I'd just like you to stay downstairs." "Why" etc...

And another one of the children has often been extremely rude to me - things like mocking me, or after serving dinner, saying things like "this tastes awful, why did you make this?" To the extent that I was pretty appalled because I've never had another child speak to me like that before (apart from our own kids lol). And I just tell them point blank - "That was extremely rude." And I actually think the youngest is adorable and hilarious, but always wants to be the center of the conversation, and maybe the toughest to manage without offending because I realize they are still just learning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does the child in question have a similar age child she could play with? Or, are the other kids a few years older or younger or are the other kids all boys ( if she is a girl). I don’t think there is any way you can tactfully tell the child or her mom to leave the adults alone. Set up get togethers without kids or deal.

There are 2 kids who like to chat us up - one is older than the rest so I totally get not wanting to play with the younger kids. The younger one has other similar age kids, but just prefers adult company.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here and I admit I have had an overall general struggle with the children of this family and yes- maybe it's because I don't know how to set some gentle boundaries without seeming rude. They are always pushing my boundaries and are very outspoken.

As an example, last year, when I had all of her kids over - the older child kept roaming around all over the house into bedrooms, attics, opening closet doors. I guess exploring a new house, and very curious, but I was like ummm... can you please stay downstairs and out of the bedrooms? "Why can't I go in there?" "I'd just like you to stay downstairs." "Why" etc...

And another one of the children has often been extremely rude to me - things like mocking me, or after serving dinner, saying things like "this tastes awful, why did you make this?" To the extent that I was pretty appalled because I've never had another child speak to me like that before (apart from our own kids lol). And I just tell them point blank - "That was extremely rude." And I actually think the youngest is adorable and hilarious, but always wants to be the center of the conversation, and maybe the toughest to manage without offending because I realize they are still just learning.

I have a friend with rude kids, and we rarely do things together as families. In fact, we went for a couple of years of just texting and chatting on the phone. Our kids are all teens now, so, it is quite easy to just get together as adults. This is a short stage of life really. If this person is a friend for the here and now only, I would just let the friendship die. If you want this person as a longterm friend, you will just have to deal for the next 5 or so years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here and I admit I have had an overall general struggle with the children of this family and yes- maybe it's because I don't know how to set some gentle boundaries without seeming rude. They are always pushing my boundaries and are very outspoken.

As an example, last year, when I had all of her kids over - the older child kept roaming around all over the house into bedrooms, attics, opening closet doors. I guess exploring a new house, and very curious, but I was like ummm... can you please stay downstairs and out of the bedrooms? "Why can't I go in there?" "I'd just like you to stay downstairs." "Why" etc...

And another one of the children has often been extremely rude to me - things like mocking me, or after serving dinner, saying things like "this tastes awful, why did you make this?" To the extent that I was pretty appalled because I've never had another child speak to me like that before (apart from our own kids lol). And I just tell them point blank - "That was extremely rude." And I actually think the youngest is adorable and hilarious, but always wants to be the center of the conversation, and maybe the toughest to manage without offending because I realize they are still just learning.

Wow! This problem is so much bigger than a child who interrupts. These children are being raised without any boundaries or manners at all. You can't fix this, and I suspect mom would become offended if you tried to redirect. I think the best you can do is adult only visits, and after what you just described, we would have been adult only a long time ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always assume kids like this are on the spectrum. I try to be polite, but redirect.

Why do you assume this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here and I admit I have had an overall general struggle with the children of this family and yes- maybe it's because I don't know how to set some gentle boundaries without seeming rude. They are always pushing my boundaries and are very outspoken.

As an example, last year, when I had all of her kids over - the older child kept roaming around all over the house into bedrooms, attics, opening closet doors. I guess exploring a new house, and very curious, but I was like ummm... can you please stay downstairs and out of the bedrooms? "Why can't I go in there?" "I'd just like you to stay downstairs." "Why" etc...

And another one of the children has often been extremely rude to me - things like mocking me, or after serving dinner, saying things like "this tastes awful, why did you make this?" To the extent that I was pretty appalled because I've never had another child speak to me like that before (apart from our own kids lol). And I just tell them point blank - "That was extremely rude." And I actually think the youngest is adorable and hilarious, but always wants to be the center of the conversation, and maybe the toughest to manage without offending because I realize they are still just learning.

Wow! This problem is so much bigger than a child who interrupts. These children are being raised without any boundaries or manners at all. You can't fix this, and I suspect mom would become offended if you tried to redirect. I think the best you can do is adult only visits, and after what you just described, we would have been adult only a long time ago.

Yep, this. I get it, op. Dcum likes to jump on people, so take the criticism as worth the price you paid for it. Those kids have no boundaries and you can’t fix it. I’m the same as you. I love my kids, I love my friends’ kids in that I would do all in my power to protect them and care for them, but if I get a few precious hours with a friend, I want to have a nice chat with my friend, not listen to a 9 year old’s viewpoints on the world.

[Anonymous]

Love how this thread immediately spun out into determinations of who needs therapy and diagnosing children as autistic. Classic DCUM!

OP, my 5 year old is the worst with this and it drives me insane. I think kids in that 4-6 yo range are generally programmed to do this unless they are very shy. I hang out with a lot of other families with children in this age range as well, since our kids are friends, and they all do it. Our approach, which no one thinks is rude and seems to work fairly well, is to say, "Larlo, did you hear that Adult is talking? Wait until they are done and then you can have a turn," then carry on with the adult conversation. We make sure to double back to the kid when it is their turn. I do this both to my own kid and to the other kids, as do other parents. The kids often get bored of waiting to take turns talking and leave us alone.

This is for the case of interrupting or talking over others, and I don't think it's rude at all to say this to someone else's kid. It models behavior and teaches. If you just don't want to speak to a child who is otherwise well mannered and not interrupting (sounds like probably this isn't the case, based on your description of the closet-rummaging child), then I agree with others, you either need to figure out parent-only hangouts, or accept that the child will be part of the conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here and I admit I have had an overall general struggle with the children of this family and yes- maybe it's because I don't know how to set some gentle boundaries without seeming rude. They are always pushing my boundaries and are very outspoken.

As an example, last year, when I had all of her kids over - the older child kept roaming around all over the house into bedrooms, attics, opening closet doors. I guess exploring a new house, and very curious, but I was like ummm... can you please stay downstairs and out of the bedrooms? "Why can't I go in there?" "I'd just like you to stay downstairs." "Why" etc...

And another one of the children has often been extremely rude to me - things like mocking me, or after serving dinner, saying things like "this tastes awful, why did you make this?" To the extent that I was pretty appalled because I've never had another child speak to me like that before (apart from our own kids lol). And I just tell them point blank - "That was extremely rude." And I actually think the youngest is adorable and hilarious, but always wants to be the center of the conversation, and maybe the toughest to manage without offending because I realize they are still just learning.

Wow! This problem is so much bigger than a child who interrupts. These children are being raised without any boundaries or manners at all. You can't fix this, and I suspect mom would become offended if you tried to redirect. I think the best you can do is adult only visits, and after what you just described, we would have been adult only a long time ago.

+1 There is no cure for this. If the mom doesn’t see this as rude there is not a lot you can do but restrict to phone calls.

[Anonymous]

I’m not sure I would attempt to correct the dc if the mom won’t do it but I would absolutely call them out like you did when directly rude to you, I.e. the food, opening closets.

I had a similar situation when my dc were little and so stopped getting together or only met as adults for a coffee or drink out. I totally understand what you mean when you say get together with another adult. You sound very healthy and normal. How a parent does not see that after 5-10 min that they need to move their dc along.

I would often say to my own “ okay honey, mrs x and are going to chat for a bit now go play, get a snack, etc.

[Anonymous]

I still remember my dad saying to me, "Nobody wants to hear you talk about cats." It was an eye opener because at age 7, I totally thought that they did!

If the mom's raising such selfish little creatures on purpose then all you can do is childless interaction, or none.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If the child is actually conversing, not interrupting, I don't see how you have any grounds to correct them.

“I am not interested in the opinions of a child” is a perfectly valid ground for telling the kid to pipe down,

That would be the last time we "got together".

Yep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many parents are like this. It’s annoying.

By this I meant, so many parents don’t teach their kids not to do this

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do I gently deal with kids who interrupt and dominate adult conversations? I don’t want to offend the other mom. I often meet up with other moms for some adult conversation but one of the moms’ children always ends up dominating our conversations. After spending the entire day with my kids, I am really just craving talking to other adults, not talking to other kids about kid stuff.

The other mom sort of encourages it and I can kind of see it as a social benefit for the children in getting practice speaking with other adults. But for me there is also the extra element of being raised to think it’s rude to chat away with adults unless they talk to you. And her kids are lovely but I just don’t want to talk with them the entire time, but they just love talking with us instead of playing on their own or with each other.

Need more details. Are you going over with your kids? What time? If you want adult time you need to tell her your friend. Go over when kid is asleep or invite her to your house and tell your kids not to interrupt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I still remember my dad saying to me, "Nobody wants to hear you talk about cats." It was an eye opener because at age 7, I totally thought that they did!

If the mom's raising such selfish little creatures on purpose then all you can do is childless interaction, or none.

Dp that's sort of cruel what your dad did. How are you supposed to practice social interaction? What else would you talk about?