Relative value of putting out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When a wife does not want sex, it is rejection. She could be the wittiest person around, funny as can be, emotionally giving, etc., but no sex means rejection.

And when a man can’t get it up, it is rejection. He could be the wittiest person around, funny as can be, emotionally giving, etc., but you said it yourself- no sex means rejection.

This is a false equivalency. If a man can't get it up, there may be a medical condition, just like there may be a medical condition when a wife does not desire sex. Any decent person would understand and work through a medical condition.

But that's not what we're talking about here ...

A lot of women do feel rejected when their husband’s experience ED. But please, continue this narrative that only your feelings and your perspective are valid, even when your wife feels exactly the same way that you do when the tables are turned.

The women feel rejected for the wrong reason ("DH thinks I am unattractive") rather than "he has some psychological or physical issue" - which can probably be fixed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Show me an attractive married woman and I’ll show you a man tired of having sex with her.”

Huh? I'm married to a very attractive woman and I'm definitely not tired of having sex with her. I do get tired when I'm having sex with her and for that I am very thankful.

That expression is not based on reality. Statistically the women get tired of sex with their husbands rather then the other way around. Studies were quoted on here years ago and I don’t think it’s really a challenged premise. Married guys mostly will stay happy having sex with same woman year after year. Many women start to hate having sex with their husband. It’s some Darwin thing.

It's simpler than that. Men have have higher spontaneous desire, which means they are always aroused and want to have sex with all women, including their wives. Women have responsive desire and stop responding to the same old after a while.

But give a man a choice between his hot wife and average looking strange and he will choose the strange. Well, both if he gets to choose.

To paraphrase: Men are wired so that they can commit to exclusivity with one sexual partner for life; women are not.

We should be posting on the "explain the mindset of a cheater" thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Show me an attractive married woman and I’ll show you a man tired of having sex with her.”

Huh? I'm married to a very attractive woman and I'm definitely not tired of having sex with her. I do get tired when I'm having sex with her and for that I am very thankful.

That expression is not based on reality. Statistically the women get tired of sex with their husbands rather then the other way around. Studies were quoted on here years ago and I don’t think it’s really a challenged premise. Married guys mostly will stay happy having sex with same woman year after year. Many women start to hate having sex with their husband. It’s some Darwin thing.

It's simpler than that. Men have have higher spontaneous desire, which means they are always aroused and want to have sex with all women, including their wives. Women have responsive desire and stop responding to the same old after a while.

But give a man a choice between his hot wife and average looking strange and he will choose the strange. Well, both if he gets to choose.

Not disputing but the bottom line is he’s not rejecting his wife.

[Anonymous]

Ok...women who "put out" make me happy (at least in my single days) because that meant sex. When I was not married, I never said no to sex.

When married, I said no to sex twice, once to wife when I had the flu, and once in Hawaii on business when a stranger -- a tourist came up to me in Dukes, wrapper her hands around my body, and kissed me, telling me to take her to her room. Well, I was with colleagues so it was quite awkward. I said no.

Oh, and once when I was 18 to a girl I had just met...she was 14. 1) it was a felony, and 2) we did not have BC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a man, I am skeptical that “good, regular sex but everything else is horrible” is even possible.

Sex is the first thing to go bad, not the last.

Crazy. It's possible with crazy. Hypersexual but a total mess in every aspect of life is out there. You've been warned though, be careful what you wish for.

It’s a fun myth to perpetuate, but no, not all hypersexual women are crazy or have daddy issues. It is true that many women lose interest in sex with their husbands for xyz reasons. That doesn’t mean they don’t still want it. On the other side you have women who readily keep interest and are quite creative with it. Just because you don’t have it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I realize there are probably one or two super posters here who are dudes, and this is not a representative sample, but it seems after reading these boards after a few weeks that men posting here say they’d stay with a woman purely based on her sexual availability as if none of the other stuff matters. I’m on board with the idea that no sex or not enough sex or bad sex = get out for either partner. Sex is extremely important to me. But does good or regular sex preempt a bad relationship with a woman?

No. But lack of it can make an otherwise good relationship intolerable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Show me an attractive married woman and I’ll show you a man tired of having sex with her.”

Huh? I'm married to a very attractive woman and I'm definitely not tired of having sex with her. I do get tired when I'm having sex with her and for that I am very thankful.

That expression is not based on reality. Statistically the women get tired of sex with their husbands rather then the other way around. Studies were quoted on here years ago and I don’t think it’s really a challenged premise. Married guys mostly will stay happy having sex with same woman year after year. Many women start to hate having sex with their husband. It’s some Darwin thing.

It's simpler than that. Men have have higher spontaneous desire, which means they are always aroused and want to have sex with all women, including their wives. Women have responsive desire and stop responding to the same old after a while.

But give a man a choice between his hot wife and average looking strange and he will choose the strange. Well, both if he gets to choose.

To paraphrase: Men are wired so that they can commit to exclusivity with one sexual partner for life; women are not.

We should be posting on the "explain the mindset of a cheater" thread.

I would agree that men are wired to want to have sex with the same person for life, but that doesn't mean they are wired for exclusivity. In fact, all men want to sleep with other women, 100% of them, some are just better at keeping it in their pants than others

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When a wife does not want sex, it is rejection. She could be the wittiest person around, funny as can be, emotionally giving, etc., but no sex means rejection.

And when a man can’t get it up, it is rejection. He could be the wittiest person around, funny as can be, emotionally giving, etc., but you said it yourself- no sex means rejection.

This is a false equivalency. If a man can't get it up, there may be a medical condition, just like there may be a medical condition when a wife does not desire sex. Any decent person would understand and work through a medical condition.

But that's not what we're talking about here ...

A lot of women do feel rejected when their husband’s experience ED. But please, continue this narrative that only your feelings and your perspective are valid, even when your wife feels exactly the same way that you do when the tables are turned.

The women feel rejected for the wrong reason ("DH thinks I am unattractive") rather than "he has some psychological or physical issue" - which can probably be fixed.

And you feel like the men feel rejected for the right reasons?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I realize there are probably one or two super posters here who are dudes, and this is not a representative sample, but it seems after reading these boards after a few weeks that men posting here say they’d stay with a woman purely based on her sexual availability as if none of the other stuff matters. I’m on board with the idea that no sex or not enough sex or bad sex = get out for either partner. Sex is extremely important to me. But does good or regular sex preempt a bad relationship with a woman?

No. But lack of it can make an otherwise good relationship intolerable.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Show me an attractive married woman and I’ll show you a man tired of having sex with her.”

Huh? I'm married to a very attractive woman and I'm definitely not tired of having sex with her. I do get tired when I'm having sex with her and for that I am very thankful.

That expression is not based on reality. Statistically the women get tired of sex with their husbands rather then the other way around. Studies were quoted on here years ago and I don’t think it’s really a challenged premise. Married guys mostly will stay happy having sex with same woman year after year. Many women start to hate having sex with their husband. It’s some Darwin thing.

It's simpler than that. Men have have higher spontaneous desire, which means they are always aroused and want to have sex with all women, including their wives. Women have responsive desire and stop responding to the same old after a while.

But give a man a choice between his hot wife and average looking strange and he will choose the strange. Well, both if he gets to choose.

To paraphrase: Men are wired so that they can commit to exclusivity with one sexual partner for life; women are not.

We should be posting on the "explain the mindset of a cheater" thread.

I would agree that men are wired to want to have sex with the same person for life, but that doesn't mean they are wired for exclusivity. In fact, all men want to sleep with other women, 100% of them, some are just better at keeping it in their pants than others

I certainly imagine sleeping with other women but in 34 years I’ve had no need to given that my wife “keeps putting out.” I have to believe she thinks of other men but as long as she just does it with me I’m happy. The sex is still good enough that I’m fine with monogamy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not one of those male posters.

It's a sliding scale, like all else. I mean, she can be a nympho rock star in bed but if she is a horrible mom and completely crazy, then no amount of sex is worth it.

Or putting it another way - my wife is an absolute rockstar homemaker, amazing homemade meals, spotless house, kids are thriving in school. We are sexless. I would rather eat cereal for dinner every night and have a good sex life. We are headed for divorce.

When those once-thriving kids become children of divorce, and eventually start exhibiting serious behavioral problems to include depression, mental health problems, drug abuse, etc. how will you explain to them that your sex drive was more important than they were?

Except that doesn’t usually happen.

— Divorced dad whose kids are thriving now more than before

Just divorced and have kids from late teen to young adults. I am sure if you asked my kids now they would all have preferred we remain together, but there is also something for them knowing that it one should not put up with manioulative people who refuse to change. Our youngest daughter's counselor basically encouraged me to divorce my wife based on the toxic relationship of my ex and our daughter. She said "Once you leave it will validate the hurt she has from her narcissistic mother she has trouble acknowledging now [pre divorce] and she will have at least one stable parent."

Since the divorce our daughter has frequently opened up to me about how she wishes her mom had been empathetic and affectionate towards her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not one of those male posters.

It's a sliding scale, like all else. I mean, she can be a nympho rock star in bed but if she is a horrible mom and completely crazy, then no amount of sex is worth it.

Or putting it another way - my wife is an absolute rockstar homemaker, amazing homemade meals, spotless house, kids are thriving in school. We are sexless. I would rather eat cereal for dinner every night and have a good sex life. We are headed for divorce.

When those once-thriving kids become children of divorce, and eventually start exhibiting serious behavioral problems to include depression, mental health problems, drug abuse, etc. how will you explain to them that your sex drive was more important than they were?

Except that doesn’t usually happen.

— Divorced dad whose kids are thriving now more than before

I'm just now divorced and we have kids spanning from late teen to young adult age. I am sure if you asked my kids now they would all have preferred we remain together, but there is also something for them knowing that one should not put up with manipulative people who refuse to change. Our youngest daughter's counselor basically encouraged me to divorce my wife based on the toxic relationship of my ex and our daughter. She said "Once you leave it will validate the hurt she has from her narcissistic mother which she has trouble acknowledging now [pre divorce] and she will have at least one stable parent."

Since the divorce our daughter has frequently opened up to me about how she wishes her mom had been empathetic and affectionate towards her. Hopefully she will find a mate who is those things some day.

[Anonymous]

To paraphrase: Men are wired so that they can commit to exclusivity with one sexual partner for life; women are not.

This is the opposite of the conventional wisdom of many decades, which was "women naturally monogamous, men naturally want to stray".

Not sure what people "naturally" want to do even matters, because there is no real legal or social penalty for cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Show me an attractive married woman and I’ll show you a man tired of having sex with her.”

Huh? I'm married to a very attractive woman and I'm definitely not tired of having sex with her. I do get tired when I'm having sex with her and for that I am very thankful.

That expression is not based on reality. Statistically the women get tired of sex with their husbands rather then the other way around. Studies were quoted on here years ago and I don’t think it’s really a challenged premise. Married guys mostly will stay happy having sex with same woman year after year. Many women start to hate having sex with their husband. It’s some Darwin thing.

It's simpler than that. Men have have higher spontaneous desire, which means they are always aroused and want to have sex with all women, including their wives. Women have responsive desire and stop responding to the same old after a while.

But give a man a choice between his hot wife and average looking strange and he will choose the strange. Well, both if he gets to choose.

To paraphrase: Men are wired so that they can commit to exclusivity with one sexual partner for life; women are not.

We should be posting on the "explain the mindset of a cheater" thread.

Noooo, you will be sorry. That thread just never ends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Show me an attractive married woman and I’ll show you a man tired of having sex with her.”

I’m the attractive Married woman and I’m the one who’s tired .