Relative value of putting out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not one of those male posters.

It's a sliding scale, like all else. I mean, she can be a nympho rock star in bed but if she is a horrible mom and completely crazy, then no amount of sex is worth it.

Or putting it another way - my wife is an absolute rockstar homemaker, amazing homemade meals, spotless house, kids are thriving in school. We are sexless. I would rather eat cereal for dinner every night and have a good sex life. We are headed for divorce.

When those once-thriving kids become children of divorce, and eventually start exhibiting serious behavioral problems to include depression, mental health problems, drug abuse, etc. how will you explain to them that your sex drive was more important than they were?

You probably didn't mean to, but you just made the argument that the open marriage guy makes on every thread - it's much better for all involved including the kids for dad to get discretely laid than to admirably divorce.

[Anonymous]

The last girl I remember “putting out” was Cindy in about 1992. It’s so nice to hear that expression again but I’m not sure that 28 years later that it would be the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not one of those male posters.

It's a sliding scale, like all else. I mean, she can be a nympho rock star in bed but if she is a horrible mom and completely crazy, then no amount of sex is worth it.

Or putting it another way - my wife is an absolute rockstar homemaker, amazing homemade meals, spotless house, kids are thriving in school. We are sexless. I would rather eat cereal for dinner every night and have a good sex life. We are headed for divorce.

When those once-thriving kids become children of divorce, and eventually start exhibiting serious behavioral problems to include depression, mental health problems, drug abuse, etc. how will you explain to them that your sex drive was more important than they were?

You probably didn't mean to, but you just made the argument that the open marriage guy makes on every thread - it's much better for all involved including the kids for dad to get discretely laid than to admirably divorce.

Yes. Yes she did just make that argument. Ironic because OP is the crazy woman who posts on every thread that “sex is THE most important thing for men in a relationship“. Let’s call her SITMITFMIIA woman, just as you refer to open marriage guy.

Here, she is looking for men to agree with her. So far no takers? Come on guys we know you want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Putting out?” That phrase has some pretty negative connotations.

This.

Women need to stop having sex they don’t enjoy or are only doing because they feel they have to.

Totally disagree with you. There are implicit agreements in marriages. I understand that my husband deeply wants me to stay attractive and fit and have sex with him. I have expectations of him too though they are different in nature. Tossing out your spouse’s important need is cruel and unloving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Putting out?” That phrase has some pretty negative connotations.

This.

Women need to stop having sex they don’t enjoy or are only doing because they feel they have to.

Totally disagree with you. There are implicit agreements in marriages. I understand that my husband deeply wants me to stay attractive and fit and have sex with him. I have expectations of him too though they are different in nature. Tossing out your spouse’s important need is cruel and unloving.

You need to value yourself more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Putting out?” That phrase has some pretty negative connotations.

This.

Women need to stop having sex they don’t enjoy or are only doing because they feel they have to.

Totally disagree with you. There are implicit agreements in marriages. I understand that my husband deeply wants me to stay attractive and fit and have sex with him. I have expectations of him too though they are different in nature. Tossing out your spouse’s important need is cruel and unloving.

You need to value yourself more.

I value myself a lot. I also understand what my husband values. I love and care about him, so I want him to be happy and fulfilled. Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Putting out?” That phrase has some pretty negative connotations.

This.

Women need to stop having sex they don’t enjoy or are only doing because they feel they have to.

Totally disagree with you. There are implicit agreements in marriages. I understand that my husband deeply wants me to stay attractive and fit and have sex with him. I have expectations of him too though they are different in nature. Tossing out your spouse’s important need is cruel and unloving.

You need to value yourself more.

As long as the woman's needs are also being met. It's a two way street. If he doesn't want to do his 50%, or isn't treating the spouse well then sex won't happen.

You are right many woman need to value themselves more. They need to put themselves as #1.

[Anonymous]

I am a guy in a low sex marriage. There are other issues too.

I will say, when I was single (25 years ago), I had been with women who would sleep with me the first time we met, and I was with women who waiting.

From a sex perspective, the weirdest experience was a woman I met in a bar. She wanted to do it right then, and we went back to her minivan. She had a car seat in it. Did not stop me...I asked for her number, and she said "No. give me yours...I can't have my husband find out.". Um no.

The best pure sex was a wild woman. A few years older than me (37 I was 32). But very different stages of life (she had 19 and 15 yo kids). On our second date, I cooked dinner in my house (lived alone). We were talking saying things like we would not have sex today...as we were sitting in the corner naked. We went out for about 1 month. Sex was awesome. And she was always in the mood. While I had issues with PE, I could keep going (more than 3 or for o's with just a short pause to let the sensitivity down).....so she was happy. She was alway fresh and clean so oral was great, and she liked to give... She dumped me because 1) I could not hold my liquor, and 2) I refused to get high (security clearance).

With my wife, we took it slow. 2nd date kissed, third date a bit more, but we did not have intercourse until 2 months or so. We have been married for 21 years. Now, she is not in the mood ever. But, when we were dating, even before PIV, I could tell she had a decent sex drive. It slowed after childbirth, and died at menopause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I realize there are probably one or two super posters here who are dudes, and this is not a representative sample, but it seems after reading these boards after a few weeks that men posting here say they’d stay with a woman purely based on her sexual availability as if none of the other stuff matters. I’m on board with the idea that no sex or not enough sex or bad sex = get out for either partner. Sex is extremely important to me. But does good or regular sex preempt a bad relationship with a woman?

If I had a bad relationship with my wife she would have to be an amazing sexual athlete to offset the other problems but even then the sex would just be a physical act. I had GFs who were great in bed but the relationships didn’t fall apart because of sex. My wife of many, many years is wonderful and thankfully she still enjoys sex and she will often initiate which seems rare for a woman in her late 50’s.

[Anonymous]

I would rather eat cereal for dinner every night and have a good sex life. We are headed for divorce.

I guarantee you won't have same priorities once you get older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I would rather eat cereal for dinner every night and have a good sex life. We are headed for divorce.

I guarantee you won't have same priorities once you get older.

Isn't this also an argument for the open marriage guy, get your needs filled elsewhere now, keep the family intact, because in a few years you won't care about sex and you can live happily ever after in a celibate marriage? Not trolling, but seems to validate his point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I would rather eat cereal for dinner every night and have a good sex life. We are headed for divorce.

I guarantee you won't have same priorities once you get older.

Isn't this also an argument for the open marriage guy, get your needs filled elsewhere now, keep the family intact, because in a few years you won't care about sex and you can live happily ever after in a celibate marriage? Not trolling, but seems to validate his point.

My husband is closing in on 70 and he still cares very much about sex and thankfully so do I. He is in very good health and pretty fit which is certainly an advantage.

[Anonymous]

I find it interesting that we judge others about why they feel a divorce is necessary. It's like judging what makes others' happy. We're not living their lives or witnessing the quality of that life disintegrate over time. When two caring adults decide to have children, they typically go into it agreeing that they will do everything humanly possible to creative a happy, supportive home. I don't think parents consider dramatically changing the family structure lightly. They do it for the good of everyone.

[Anonymous]

When a wife does not want sex, it is rejection. She could be the wittiest person around, funny as can be, emotionally giving, etc., but no sex means rejection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a guy in a low sex marriage. There are other issues too.

I will say, when I was single (25 years ago), I had been with women who would sleep with me the first time we met, and I was with women who waiting.

From a sex perspective, the weirdest experience was a woman I met in a bar. She wanted to do it right then, and we went back to her minivan. She had a car seat in it. Did not stop me...I asked for her number, and she said "No. give me yours...I can't have my husband find out.". Um no.

The best pure sex was a wild woman. A few years older than me (37 I was 32). But very different stages of life (she had 19 and 15 yo kids). On our second date, I cooked dinner in my house (lived alone). We were talking saying things like we would not have sex today...as we were sitting in the corner naked. We went out for about 1 month. Sex was awesome. And she was always in the mood. While I had issues with PE, I could keep going (more than 3 or for o's with just a short pause to let the sensitivity down).....so she was happy. She was alway fresh and clean so oral was great, and she liked to give... She dumped me because 1) I could not hold my liquor, and 2) I refused to get high (security clearance).

With my wife, we took it slow. 2nd date kissed, third date a bit more, but we did not have intercourse until 2 months or so. We have been married for 21 years. Now, she is not in the mood ever. But, when we were dating, even before PIV, I could tell she had a decent sex drive. It slowed after childbirth, and died at menopause.

Cool story. Now tell us about your girlfriend.