I'm never going to get married and have children, am I?

[Anonymous]

What kind of guy are you looking for? It almost seems like you are just looking for whatever and you aren't really focused. I online dated, but I had an idea in my head of what I wanted. Someone that had a similar educational level, someone who either owned a place or was working towards owning one, someone who wanted a dog, someone who was kind, patient and had a stable home life (I did not, and I know that has messed me up a lot).

You should really use this time to sit down and think about what you want.

[Anonymous]

Married at 39, healthy kids at 41 and 43, no IVF, deliriously happy 18 years later. All those guys I dated in my 20s and 30s? Practice. It’s not too late OP and we will all expand our social cohorts by August, my prediction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married at 39, healthy kids at 41 and 43, no IVF, deliriously happy 18 years later. All those guys I dated in my 20s and 30s? Practice. It’s not too late OP and we will all expand our social cohorts by August, my prediction.

We're you worried your time has passed? No egg freezing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You can't force yourself to have feelings for someone?

PP. I was given very good advice once from an old person married many, many years. When you’re still only just dating, what matters is how *you* feel about *yourself* when you’re with them.

You hardly know each other when dating, compared with a lifetime, or even a year of marriage! How could you have *real* feelings for them?

Focus less on whether you have feelings for them (that will come—and go, and come, and go—with time). But if they’re a decent person and you feel good, sure, confident, comfortable etc about yourself in their presence, then you’ll be able to make it work.

[Caveat: you actually have to want marriage for this to work. Don’t meme yourself into wanting it because you think thats what you should have your age. Stay single, especially if you are already so stuck in your ways you can’t make room for an imperfect person in your already perfect life.]

[Anonymous]

If it is meant to be it will be. Distance won't kill it if you have a chemistry.
Stressing and obsessing though can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to look at why things don’t work out. You have every excuse that’s external. What are you working on re yourself? How old exactly are you now?

I'm being completely intellectually honest with myself when I say it's been bad luck or situational and that it's been a numbers game. I've had men interested in me. I've been interested in men. When it's mutual, there's some factor like transience or other external circumstances. I don't discriminate based on race, age (within reason), income, profession, height, or weight. Compatibility and mutual feelings and kindness are what matter to me. Friends just tell me it's a numbers game. I'd say 2/3 times someone I meet just isn't sure where they're at in life and whether they're in a position to pursue a LTR. Not to say I haven't made my own mistakes; it's taken me years to gauge when it's too soon to give my heart away versus when I'm not giving someone enough of a chance.

Now I feel like I have to start all over again.

If I have to wait until the vaccine is out to date people again, I will be almost 34.

What are your mistakes?

In my 20s... giving too much benefit of the doubt when guys were clearly just interested in sex, thinking that they'll change their minds and want a relationship and that I'd live happily-ever-after, because that's what everyone does, right? /s Basically wasting time hoping the wrong people would come around.

In my 30s... doing the opposite. Being almost cold at times, being too guarded, not wanting to take risks.

My main thing is that I just don't do hookups. I don't want to have sex with someone if we're only sort of dating. I know myself too well; if I have sex with someone, I get all the oxytocin and want to be with the person. I cannot detach myself from sex. It's something I've learned over the years and I can't change it (nor should I?) So I've probably sent some cold, standoffish or disinterested signals to potential partners when they seem to want to take me back to their apartment on the third date.

Well, it looks like there's no risk in that these days, at least!

Anyways, I feel like only this past year I've just come around and found a happy medium in dating. I've gotten a better feel for red flags versus good intentions and good compatibility. It's taken me til age 32 to really figure this out, and alas...

In no way suggesting you should have sex on a third date if you don’t want to but it’s pretty harsh to be cold about it.

[Anonymous]

Maybe try egg freezing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a woman in my 30s.

Attractive, slender, gainfully employed, have my own hobbies and interests, but repeatedly strike out when it comes to relationships. It usually either fizzles out. Sometimes I'm the one who wants something serious and the man wants something casual. Sometimes the man wants something serious and I'm just not feeling it. Sometimes things go well and then the guy gets a job on the other side of the country. Whatever the reason, I haven't found the right person.

Except I did meet someone who I started to date and it looked promising. We met in February. And uh...now you know the end of the story. Social distancing killed it. Sure, we text back and forth and have video chatted a few times, but it's really hard to grow a relationship when you can't be physically together.

Anyway, what worries me is the idea that "social distancing" could go on indefinitely. As in, for a year and a half until we develop and distribute a vaccine, and then who knows what. It would be one thing if this were sure to be over by June, or hell, even August... but to need to stay six feet away from people you don't already live with... for the foreseeable future... looks pretty grim for an unmarried woman over 30.

Will the pandemic outlast my fertility window? And no, I'm not focused on nailing down this particular person that I started dating and intent on him wifing me up. As I said, it's kind of over before it even started. I'm speaking more broadly here, do we need to take a PROLONGED time out on dating/mating/courtship, potentially taking me til age 35?

You seem mildly entitled, maybe a little self-absorbed? Just because you're pretty, skinny, with a good job and your own hobbies doesn't mean you're a good person or fun company. If those are the things you lead with when questioning why you aren't in a relationship, you might think men are more superficial than they are and it could be off-putting.

Love in the time of corona is definitely a thing. People are locking eyes over N95s and living on Facetime with those they met in a social media DM. If your guy isn't texting and calling like crazy trying to get to know you, he's just not that into you. Couples have been meeting online and waiting months/years to meet and marry, maybe try a dating app?

Don't be so doom and gloom. There's a lid for every jar!

You must be new to this board. OP described her looks, weight and positive attributes first because they are always, always questioned if the poster does not mention them. She's ruling out the inevitable hostile comments about her looks, etc. from the jump. As for him not being that into her, this if life during a pandemic - he likely had a bunch of other worries right now. He could even be sick with the virus. He could be having work struggles right now.

OP, you sound like a.catch. I wouldn't worry too much. My anecdata: I met my DH at 33, we married at 35, and had kids at 39 and 41 without any reproductive assistance.

In a couple of months, when there is an antibody test, the stay in place orders with probably sass up and you can meet. You might want to suggest meeting up now and talk while in masks six feet away - it may end up being a funny anecdote that you tell your kids. GL, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married at 39, healthy kids at 41 and 43, no IVF, deliriously happy 18 years later. All those guys I dated in my 20s and 30s? Practice. It’s not too late OP and we will all expand our social cohorts by August, my prediction.

We're you worried your time has passed? No egg freezing?

Egg freezing in your 30’s is idiotic.

The odds that you get something viable is super low. It’s a pipe dream that fertility clinics sell to make money. (Note that is not to say that you couldn’t get pregnant naturally your 30’s - it’s just that the quality of eggs you’d get from egg freezing would likely lead to zero viable embryos. The 2 things are very different.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a traditional “courtship” without physical touching is one way people around the world fall in love. There’s no reason your relationship with this guy is over, OP, unless you want it to be over.

And now is a good time to figure out if you have been sabotaging your relationships.

+1

I loved the emails and phone conversations I shared with my husband before our first date, and after that as well. I would encourage you to keep in touch - it may be that you can grow a great friendship now, which could lead to something romantic later on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married at 39, healthy kids at 41 and 43, no IVF, deliriously happy 18 years later. All those guys I dated in my 20s and 30s? Practice. It’s not too late OP and we will all expand our social cohorts by August, my prediction.

We're you worried your time has passed? No egg freezing?

Egg freezing in your 30’s is idiotic.

The odds that you get something viable is super low. It’s a pipe dream that fertility clinics sell to make money. (Note that is not to say that you couldn’t get pregnant naturally your 30’s - it’s just that the quality of eggs you’d get from egg freezing would likely lead to zero viable embryos. The 2 things are very different.)

According to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM), an optimal time to freeze your eggs is in your 20s and early 30s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married at 39, healthy kids at 41 and 43, no IVF, deliriously happy 18 years later. All those guys I dated in my 20s and 30s? Practice. It’s not too late OP and we will all expand our social cohorts by August, my prediction.

We're you worried your time has passed? No egg freezing?

Egg freezing in your 30’s is idiotic.

The odds that you get something viable is super low. It’s a pipe dream that fertility clinics sell to make money. (Note that is not to say that you couldn’t get pregnant naturally your 30’s - it’s just that the quality of eggs you’d get from egg freezing would likely lead to zero viable embryos. The 2 things are very different.)

According to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM), an optimal time to freeze your eggs is in your 20s and early 30s.

Egg freezing in your 20’s is very different than egg freezing in your 30’s. Try to stay on topic.

A good way to tell is to look at age limits for egg donors at fertility clinics. The upper age limits is usually 28 and there’s nowhere that accepts women over 30. Why? Because it’s not financially viable for them to take a chance on 30+ year old eggs. You need very high quality eggs for successful IVF and anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is selling a dream (or a scam depending on how you want to look at it.)

[Anonymous]

34 is not old. You have time! Don’t stress. That will surely backfire by making you seem desperate.