I'm never going to get married and have children, am I?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Sometimes the guy wants something more serious and I’m just not feeling it.”

Why not? You need to be picking from the men who want to marry you.

I’m not saying settle, but you need to be reasonable with your expectations of what a good man is. And also not to expect fireworks.

NP. This is bad advice. I did this. I was not truly feeling it, got married because I was in my 30s, and it has been a bad marriage. Wasted 10 years and now divorcing after "trying to make it work" the entire time. Bad advice. If you are not feeling it, don't force it. Better to be single than be married and miserable. Truly.

[Anonymous]

You've posted before ... what advice do you think you're going to get that you haven't before?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a woman in my 30s.

Attractive, slender, gainfully employed, have my own hobbies and interests, but repeatedly strike out when it comes to relationships. It usually either fizzles out. Sometimes I'm the one who wants something serious and the man wants something casual. Sometimes the man wants something serious and I'm just not feeling it. Sometimes things go well and then the guy gets a job on the other side of the country. Whatever the reason, I haven't found the right person.

Except I did meet someone who I started to date and it looked promising. We met in February. And uh...now you know the end of the story. Social distancing killed it. Sure, we text back and forth and have video chatted a few times, but it's really hard to grow a relationship when you can't be physically together.

Anyway, what worries me is the idea that "social distancing" could go on indefinitely. As in, for a year and a half until we develop and distribute a vaccine, and then who knows what. It would be one thing if this were sure to be over by June, or hell, even August... but to need to stay six feet away from people you don't already live with... for the foreseeable future... looks pretty grim for an unmarried woman over 30.

Will the pandemic outlast my fertility window? And no, I'm not focused on nailing down this particular person that I started dating and intent on him wifing me up. As I said, it's kind of over before it even started. I'm speaking more broadly here, do we need to take a PROLONGED time out on dating/mating/courtship, potentially taking me til age 35?

You seem mildly entitled, maybe a little self-absorbed? Just because you're pretty, skinny, with a good job and your own hobbies doesn't mean you're a good person or fun company. If those are the things you lead with when questioning why you aren't in a relationship, you might think men are more superficial than they are and it could be off-putting.

Love in the time of corona is definitely a thing. People are locking eyes over N95s and living on Facetime with those they met in a social media DM. If your guy isn't texting and calling like crazy trying to get to know you, he's just not that into you. Couples have been meeting online and waiting months/years to meet and marry, maybe try a dating app?

Don't be so doom and gloom. There's a lid for every jar!

Geez, way to judge somebody you don't even know!
I led off with that, because, as you see in the "man here" post above, looks do matter. If I didn't lead off with that, I'd inevitably have people saying, "well, are you a fat slob? Do you have no drive? If you're 300 lbs and ugly with no ambitions or interests, of course you're not going to find a man!"

I can't be the judge for myself, but I have a lot of friends who find me a good person and fun company. Including male friends who are gay, or taken (I'm friends with the couple), or too old/too young.

And yes, with the guy I met fairly recently, we message each other and call from time to time, but we don't have anything that heavily invested yet. Certainly not enough to risk other people's lives over to visit each other.

Sorry, I was judging based on what you wrote. What's your age range?

Btw, there are plenty fat slobs and 300 pounders quarantined with their lovers and spouses at this time lol.

[Anonymous]

OP, not saying you are this person, but when I was dating, met a woman who was attractive, degreed, one of the nicest people out there. But she gave off an "I'm evaluating every guy I meet as husband material" vibe and the relationship never got off the ground as it should have.

Understand you're not a 23 year old but at some level you have to work to not appear that way. Instead, "I am a fun person with a life of my own and would like to share it with a good guy".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a traditional “courtship” without physical touching is one way people around the world fall in love. There’s no reason your relationship with this guy is over, OP, unless you want it to be over.

And now is a good time to figure out if you have been sabotaging your relationships.

I agree. DH and I fell in love without doing the deed. And then had to endure a long distance relationship to boot.

[Anonymous]

Some of you all are a bit harsh. I’ve dated plenty of men who looked great on paper and in person, but just didn’t have chemistry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If I have to wait until the vaccine is out to date people again, I will be almost 34.

OMG, you're a baby! Give yourself a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If I have to wait until the vaccine is out to date people again, I will be almost 34.

OMG, you're a baby! Give yourself a break.

Eh, she’s no spring chicken. But she’s not old with shrivelled eggs either.

[Anonymous]

Well, being married sucks a lot of the time.

Remember that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Well, being married sucks a lot of the time.

Remember that.

+1

The grass is always greener. Once OP gets married, she will be complaining about her marriage in this forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, not saying you are this person, but when I was dating, met a woman who was attractive, degreed, one of the nicest people out there. But she gave off an "I'm evaluating every guy I meet as husband material" vibe and the relationship never got off the ground as it should have.

Understand you're not a 23 year old but at some level you have to work to not appear that way. Instead, "I am a fun person with a life of my own and would like to share it with a good guy".

This is so key.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married at 36 (by choice) and had my son at 38. I think you're ok.

Here's what I don't get. You've been dating him since February. I'm assuming you self isolated around mid March. Has he been isolating at home for more that 2 weeks, with no other contact than essentials? If so, it's April 9th, that's almost 4 weeks. Tell him to put on a damn mask and gloves and come over to your place stat! No stops, no public transport. Does he have a car?

Problem solved! If you both want this, make it happen.

You mean you weren't held at gunpoint?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married at 36 (by choice) and had my son at 38. I think you're ok.

Here's what I don't get. You've been dating him since February. I'm assuming you self isolated around mid March. Has he been isolating at home for more that 2 weeks, with no other contact than essentials? If so, it's April 9th, that's almost 4 weeks. Tell him to put on a damn mask and gloves and come over to your place stat! No stops, no public transport. Does he have a car?

Problem solved! If you both want this, make it happen.

You mean you weren't held at gunpoint?

Wait, you decided to wait until 36 to meet and marry a guy? What?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married at 36 (by choice) and had my son at 38. I think you're ok.

Here's what I don't get. You've been dating him since February. I'm assuming you self isolated around mid March. Has he been isolating at home for more that 2 weeks, with no other contact than essentials? If so, it's April 9th, that's almost 4 weeks. Tell him to put on a damn mask and gloves and come over to your place stat! No stops, no public transport. Does he have a car?

Problem solved! If you both want this, make it happen.

You mean you weren't held at gunpoint?

😆 poster you're replying to. I see what you mean, not sure why I thought that would emphasize that she has time.

Still confused as to why she's casting this guy aside, pending a vaccine. If they've both been isolating and no contact with anyone for nearly a month, why aren't they physically together a few days a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to look at why things don’t work out. You have every excuse that’s external. What are you working on re yourself? How old exactly are you now?

I'm being completely intellectually honest with myself when I say it's been bad luck or situational and that it's been a numbers game. I've had men interested in me. I've been interested in men. When it's mutual, there's some factor like transience or other external circumstances. I don't discriminate based on race, age (within reason), income, profession, height, or weight. Compatibility and mutual feelings and kindness are what matter to me. Friends just tell me it's a numbers game. I'd say 2/3 times someone I meet just isn't sure where they're at in life and whether they're in a position to pursue a LTR. Not to say I haven't made my own mistakes; it's taken me years to gauge when it's too soon to give my heart away versus when I'm not giving someone enough of a chance.

Now I feel like I have to start all over again.

If I have to wait until the vaccine is out to date people again, I will be almost 34.

Where are you meeting 30 somethings that aren't sure where they are in life? NYC? LA? Surely not in DC.