So overwhelmed by parenting + working FT from home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get it. My husband and I are both teleworking, but neither of us can "call out sick" in any realistic way unless we legit get COVID 19. Our employers (and coworkers, and supervisors, and direct reports, etc.) all need things from us and we have so much work to get done. Plus we know we're not the only ones struggling so we're not about to dump the work on other people. And we can't exactly call in sick for 8 weeks!!

But we have two young kids at home and IT IS SO HARD. I'm exhausted, and it's only week 1. I don't have any advice. Just commiseration.

This is such BS. If you had the flu, if you broke your arm, if your kid was ill, you would call out for a day or more and your work would be fine. If you died, your work would figure it out. A lot of people here are addicted to the feeling of busyness. The universe is giving you an unprecedented opportunity to slow down and you won't take it.

I have a job, I manage people, I have deliverables. They can wait a few hours each day, or a day or two. They can call me if I'm offline and they desperately need an answer. It's ok to put myself first.

This x1000. The only thing worse than SAHMartyrs is WOHMartyrs. Yes, the world can survive if you take a day off. You may think the company would go bankrupt without you, but they’re resilient, I promise.

Do you think all working moms are just easily replaceable drones? I am the only person at my company who does what I do, which happens to be in high demand at this particular time given what is going on. I don’t have an inflated sense of self-importance, it’s just the truth. So stop pretending like your job or your friend’s job is like all other jobs out there. I actively try not to be a martyr, but I’m pretty sure if I told my boss I just wasn’t going to take some sick leave when I don’t actually have the coronavirus (I assume), then I’ll get fired or, at best, burn some major bridges.

Lol, get over yourself. You’re not that important. Maybe you tell yourself that to justify all of the hours you work? But trust me, if you were to die tomorrow, you would be forgotten by your boss by next week.

I don't know if you think you're going to make me feel bad by saying that, but it didn't work. I don't work a ton of hours, actually. I like my job a lot and I get paid a lot to do it. But some people have specialties and are good at what they do. Obviously you're not one of them, so I feel sorry for you.

[Anonymous]

I offered to help out a neighbor's call on Next Door, but she asked that I not spend time outside while watching her kids a couple hours a day, 2-3 days a week.

I don't mean while actually watching the kids, but she asked that I not go on solo runs/walks (and maintaining social distance) on my own time during this period. I declined. I think it's important (and very low risk) for people to spend solo time outdoors.

There are people ready to help, but you have to be practical and measured.

[Anonymous]

Oh, I feel you. Do you have any flexibility in your schedule? The only way we are making it work is splitting up the day in 2.5 hour shifts from 5:30am to 10:30pm. We monitor our email when we are with the kids, but it's just a brief check.

I make my kids spend a lot of time outside. It minimizes the noise, makes them tired, and reduces mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, I feel you. Do you have any flexibility in your schedule? The only way we are making it work is splitting up the day in 2.5 hour shifts from 5:30am to 10:30pm. We monitor our email when we are with the kids, but it's just a brief check.

I make my kids spend a lot of time outside. It minimizes the noise, makes them tired, and reduces mess.

Where are you going outside? We are now in yard only because others are not respecting social distancing and it’s really stressful for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get it. My husband and I are both teleworking, but neither of us can "call out sick" in any realistic way unless we legit get COVID 19. Our employers (and coworkers, and supervisors, and direct reports, etc.) all need things from us and we have so much work to get done. Plus we know we're not the only ones struggling so we're not about to dump the work on other people. And we can't exactly call in sick for 8 weeks!!

But we have two young kids at home and IT IS SO HARD. I'm exhausted, and it's only week 1. I don't have any advice. Just commiseration.

This is such BS. If you had the flu, if you broke your arm, if your kid was ill, you would call out for a day or more and your work would be fine. If you died, your work would figure it out. A lot of people here are addicted to the feeling of busyness. The universe is giving you an unprecedented opportunity to slow down and you won't take it.

I have a job, I manage people, I have deliverables. They can wait a few hours each day, or a day or two. They can call me if I'm offline and they desperately need an answer. It's ok to put myself first.

This x1000. The only thing worse than SAHMartyrs is WOHMartyrs. Yes, the world can survive if you take a day off. You may think the company would go bankrupt without you, but they’re resilient, I promise.

Do you think all working moms are just easily replaceable drones? I am the only person at my company who does what I do, which happens to be in high demand at this particular time given what is going on. I don’t have an inflated sense of self-importance, it’s just the truth. So stop pretending like your job or your friend’s job is like all other jobs out there. I actively try not to be a martyr, but I’m pretty sure if I told my boss I just wasn’t going to take some sick leave when I don’t actually have the coronavirus (I assume), then I’ll get fired or, at best, burn some major bridges.

Lol, get over yourself. You’re not that important. Maybe you tell yourself that to justify all of the hours you work? But trust me, if you were to die tomorrow, you would be forgotten by your boss by next week.

I don't know if you think you're going to make me feel bad by saying that, but it didn't work. I don't work a ton of hours, actually. I like my job a lot and I get paid a lot to do it. But some people have specialties and are good at what they do. Obviously you're not one of them, so I feel sorry for you.

If the president dies, the VP steps in. If the CEO gets the flu, the COO or CFO steps in.

I’m not trying to make you feel bad. I’m trying to break the paper chains you’ve got on. The world will go on even if you’re not working.

[Anonymous]

Our CEO explicitly said that this is the time to get long-term projects done, prepare for intensive certification exams, etc... because we all have more hours in the day since we are not commuting! He is so clueless.

[Anonymous]

It’s simply not sustainable and I personally will take leave or quit if this continues for a month.

- Lawyer with 2 and 5 year olds

[Anonymous]

Air hugs to everyone! It's really hard. I'm only making it because I'm in the 6-9 year old sweet spot of kids who can engage themselves with books and crafts and games.

With babies and toddlers, it's nearly impossible.

For those who feel guilty about TV, give yourself a break. If you want an alternative to screens, you can download free audiobooks from the public library or pay a few bucks to download them yourself. My kids are less zombie like listening to books than watching screens. They like to color or build or play with stuffed animals while listening.

Also someone said they're paying the nanny but not having her come. Is there any way she can FaceTime to read your kids a story? My kids grandparents are each doing this. Or could she come watch the kids play in the backyard but not actually touch then? Yeah, that obviously won't work with most cuddle loving kids, nevermind. But if you're paying her, I would ask her to figure out activities and do the audio book picking out or whatever else she can to take some burden off you.

Please do prioritize sleep. I got pneumonia at a time when I was working more than full time plus being the sole caregiver to toddlers during the day. Basically a sahm during the day and a wahm at night. It went well for about a month, but I just wore myself down and couldn't fight the cold that got worse and worse. You need your immune system to be in good shape, so if any way possible, take a little leave here and there before you run yourselves ragged.

[Anonymous]

So hard. I'm in a leadership position so I am trying to model what is appropriate to support parents. I have pretty self-sufficient tween but trying to make sure folks on my team with younger kids, especially preschoolers, don't kill themselves.

I've requested meetings end 5-10 minutes early rather than being on calls for 5 hours straight. That break at least gives me time to fix snacks and check in.

I'm blocking a lunch break on my calendar so I can check in with my kid.

I've communicated with my team that I will be asking for help -- and people have been appreciative.

I'm also starting my one-on-ones with a welfare check. Trying to connect on a very human level with what people need and to cut folks some slack who need it. For folks with younger kids, asking what time of day is better for meetings.

We also have a home calendar where we mark up every day what time each of us are on calls so we can coordinate. Whiteboard markers on the fridge would work for this.

And still. My kid is trying so hard to be cheerful for us. He's bored out of his mind.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

I'm in the same boat. I have 7, 4, and 1.5 year olds and am working from home full time. DH also works from home full time and we are doing our best to stagger shifts. We both have jobs that are running back to back conference calls during this time with deadlines that are not shiftable. By the end of last week, I felt like I was going crazy. We started giving up on the homework by Thursday. Laundry is piling up. We let our nanny go because she and her husband are not social distancing. We tried having her come and bring her kids, but that was causing too much anxiety because my husband is immune compromised and my son has a condition that makes him allergic to many medications. So, we can't take chances with having people who are not strict about social distancing coming into the house. I agree with OP that this pace is unsustainable. I'm at the point where I'm taking conference calls (with some speaking roles) with my kids around. I've had to have strict cutoff to my work days. But, this is tough. I totally understand what you're dealing with an wish I had some advice, but I'm struggling too.

[Anonymous]

I am so thankful that our leadership is supportive. They understand that people are caring for kids plus working. People need to push back against unsupportive leadership. Unless your job is life or death related I see no reason why flexibility cannot be allowed during this time.

Also, one thing I've started doing is letting my kids stay up later than normal which means they sleep in and that gives me free time in the morning to get work done. I know it's not ideal to mess with their sleep schedules but it's the only way I can get any real quiet time.

[Anonymous]

I would get a nanny. If she quarantines herself you will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get it. My husband and I are both teleworking, but neither of us can "call out sick" in any realistic way unless we legit get COVID 19. Our employers (and coworkers, and supervisors, and direct reports, etc.) all need things from us and we have so much work to get done. Plus we know we're not the only ones struggling so we're not about to dump the work on other people. And we can't exactly call in sick for 8 weeks!!

But we have two young kids at home and IT IS SO HARD. I'm exhausted, and it's only week 1. I don't have any advice. Just commiseration.

This is such BS. If you had the flu, if you broke your arm, if your kid was ill, you would call out for a day or more and your work would be fine. If you died, your work would figure it out. A lot of people here are addicted to the feeling of busyness. The universe is giving you an unprecedented opportunity to slow down and you won't take it.

I have a job, I manage people, I have deliverables. They can wait a few hours each day, or a day or two. They can call me if I'm offline and they desperately need an answer. It's ok to put myself first.

This x1000. The only thing worse than SAHMartyrs is WOHMartyrs. Yes, the world can survive if you take a day off. You may think the company would go bankrupt without you, but they’re resilient, I promise.

Do you think all working moms are just easily replaceable drones? I am the only person at my company who does what I do, which happens to be in high demand at this particular time given what is going on. I don’t have an inflated sense of self-importance, it’s just the truth. So stop pretending like your job or your friend’s job is like all other jobs out there. I actively try not to be a martyr, but I’m pretty sure if I told my boss I just wasn’t going to take some sick leave when I don’t actually have the coronavirus (I assume), then I’ll get fired or, at best, burn some major bridges.

Lol, get over yourself. You’re not that important. Maybe you tell yourself that to justify all of the hours you work? But trust me, if you were to die tomorrow, you would be forgotten by your boss by next week.

I don't know if you think you're going to make me feel bad by saying that, but it didn't work. I don't work a ton of hours, actually. I like my job a lot and I get paid a lot to do it. But some people have specialties and are good at what they do. Obviously you're not one of them, so I feel sorry for you.

If the president dies, the VP steps in. If the CEO gets the flu, the COO or CFO steps in.

I’m not trying to make you feel bad. I’m trying to break the paper chains you’ve got on. The world will go on even if you’re not working.

NP. I am in charge of a small non-profit. I'm trying to get proposals, get program extensions, etc. so that i can stop 20 people from losing their jobs. So will the world stop if I'm not working? no, but people will lose their jobs if we don't get more projects and funding in the door.

I don't believe that, in the long term, anyone is irreplaceable. But right now, in this moment, I'm the only one who can do a lot of what needs to be done to keep people employed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would get a nanny. If she quarantines herself you will be fine.

your privilege is showing.