Sad topic but need advice: Shower for mother who has lost a baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I completely disagree with the other PP.

She needs to be able to celebrate this new life, without the shadow of her prior loss on every single moment, every item of clothing/gear/etc. Ask her if it would be alright if you threw a Sprinkle and it was a nice dinner out or night somewhere fun/different.

It’s not about what you want, you clueless twit.

She doesn’t “need” to do anything other than have her friends respect her wishes.

[Anonymous]

Ok what did you need to hear after she said "no"?

That should have ended any planning on your part.

[Anonymous]

She doesn't want a shower. If you want to do something special for your friend, take her out for a spa day together or a nice dinner, nothing baby-centered.

[Anonymous]

Why not do a baby shower after the baby is born not right after but maybe once the baby is about 6 months (since her previous one died in 5 months) she'll be relieved and happy by then that the baby survived and the experience she went through is from the past.

[Anonymous]

If you want to do something to celebrate her, I like the idea of asking if you (and maybe a couple of y'alls other close friends) can take her for a special dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not do a baby shower after the baby is born not right after but maybe once the baby is about 6 months (since her previous one died in 5 months) she'll be relieved and happy by then that the baby survived and the experience she went through is from the past.

Don't do this! Bring her a present when the baby is born and attend any celebration that she decides to have for her baby. Don't decide what milestones she should be celebrating.

[Anonymous]

I like the suggestion a PP made of organizing meals for after baby comes. We sometimes use signup genius for that.

I understand you want to do something for her to show your love and support, but it sounds like putting her on the spot with a shower or luncheon is not something she will find supportive. Follow her lead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not do a baby shower after the baby is born not right after but maybe once the baby is about 6 months (since her previous one died in 5 months) she'll be relieved and happy by then that the baby survived and the experience she went through is from the past.

Don't do this! Bring her a present when the baby is born and attend any celebration that she decides to have for her baby. Don't decide what milestones she should be celebrating.

Agreed. Do not do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I completely disagree with the other PP.

She needs to be able to celebrate this new life, without the shadow of her prior loss on every single moment, every item of clothing/gear/etc. Ask her if it would be alright if you threw a Sprinkle and it was a nice dinner out or night somewhere fun/different.

+1

Every child should be celebrated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I completely disagree with the other PP.

She needs to be able to celebrate this new life, without the shadow of her prior loss on every single moment, every item of clothing/gear/etc. Ask her if it would be alright if you threw a Sprinkle and it was a nice dinner out or night somewhere fun/different.

No.

She already asked. The women said she is good. Please respect her wishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I completely disagree with the other PP.

She needs to be able to celebrate this new life, without the shadow of her prior loss on every single moment, every item of clothing/gear/etc. Ask her if it would be alright if you threw a Sprinkle and it was a nice dinner out or night somewhere fun/different.

+1

Every child should be celebrated.

And I’m sure this child will be celebrated when the parents are ready to do so in the way that they so choose.

As someone said above, the only thing this woman needs to do is whatever helps her get through a stressful time in a way that protects her mental health.

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe how many people think they know better than this mom about what she needs. So arrogant and disrespectful.

Meal train, flowers, card, and be there for her the way she actually wants you to be there for her — which sounds like being low key about it.

[Anonymous]

In the OP she said that the mom said "Oh, I have everything I need". Which to me is different from "I really don't want anything!". I would have replied the same way if someone asked me about a sprinkle for my second, just because it's kind of the polite thing to say.

I do think that one should be careful to accept the mom's wishes, but I also think that it's possible that this mom here hasn't actually expressed that she doesn't want anything.

[Anonymous]

Been there, it's too painful. Please NO baby shower.
Once the baby is born, you can visit and give gifts..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the OP she said that the mom said "Oh, I have everything I need". Which to me is different from "I really don't want anything!". I would have replied the same way if someone asked me about a sprinkle for my second, just because it's kind of the polite thing to say.

I do think that one should be careful to accept the mom's wishes, but I also think that it's possible that this mom here hasn't actually expressed that she doesn't want anything.

This. I didn’t see anywhere the mom said she didn’t want a celebration just that she was asked if she had everything she needed.

And As far as showers for subsequent kids not being ok, that is so outdated. I just went to a shower for a friend”s 4th baby and have been to plenty for 2nd and 3rd. It’s just getting together to celebrate the new baby. And maybe it’s because I have always lived in this area but buying a “big” gift for a shower like a stroller or car seat is not common. Most of the actual baby gear is bought by the parents themselves.