Rich husband always threatens divorce

[Anonymous]

Op, if this is real, then you need to get a job. You don't have time to go back and get a degree, I doubt that your husband would be supportive in you doing so, either. If you have been out of the workforce for 8 years, it is not going to be easy to find a job.

Start applying to anything that you might be able to do. If you have an Associates you might be able to do substitute teaching. You could try doing temp office work and of course retail/food service work. You need to get some sort of work history NOW.

If your husband is cutting off your credit cards and threatening divorce every time you make one false move then you need to read the writing on the wall. Things are not going to get better.

[Anonymous]

Please don’t recommend substitute teaching!!! Our kids don’t need that kind of help!

[Anonymous]

You made your bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe how nice everyone is being to this. why do you feel entitled to his money anyway? You’ve been married 8 years, sounds like he had money before you met, He’s been supporting you and you’ve lived a good life. So now he’s a jerk, and you want half his stuff? What makes you so special? Grow up OP and start taking care of yourself. If he wants to give you gifts, fine. Get a job and start saving some cash.

Not the case at all. He’s worth millions and the house is a small part of his assets. The fact I found the house and now spending countless hrs decorating, not to mention him telling me we wld both wld be on the deed is what’s upsetting. I wldnt have any rights to it in event of divorce, (with prenup which I’m fine with), but the fact that if let’s say I’m in my 70s and he passes, I wld have to move out and it goes to his one grown child (who already gets everything he’s worth). It’s just really hard now to put so much time and effort into this home and live there now. I wish I cld live in the present and not think of the future so much . Must be a vajayjay thing. I’m going to a vocational school and I am going to get a decent paying job. And I’m not a foreigner.. And the email he forwarded was from my attorney to his as far as how I wanted the house set up in our names when he decided to put my name on the deed after I got upset bout it, but apparently it wasn’t to his liking ( too“demanding”). Originally he told me if he preceded me I cld live there till I die and half wld go back to his estate and half to my estate. Which I was happy with .. But when I received email from his attorney it changed to house wld be sold asap and I wld get half . I just hate liars! But the worse part is the fact that he shut down my credit cards the next day after this big fight and won’t let me get my own credit card. He turned it back on the next day but I feel so disrespected and vulnerable now. So yes I will now be really looking out for my future and doing everything I can to build a nest egg, and keep my mouth shut with all the advice I’ve gotten here. That way the next time he threatens me with divorce, I can say, you got it !!

Why would you need some of the money from the house going to your "estate" after you die? You came into the marriage with zero assets and have never worked. He has grown children. If I were him, I would not agree to this either, it is totally unreasonable.

If you don't want to move out of the house if he passes before you, just request that and don't get greedy and demand that half of the house go to your "estate" after you also pass. Based on what you describe, it doesn't sound like he would object to your living in the house for the remainder of your years as long as it goes to his children, as it should, after you die.

Listen lady, you took up with this man in your 50's and you had no assets and no skills and have not worked in 8 years. I am pleased to see this man is rightfully putting his children above you in this situation. You really don't deserve anything.

[Anonymous]

I mean you're a gold digger. Few true gold digger situations actually work out happily in the end. I'd probably be putting some restrictions on my husband if he did nothing but want to spend my money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t recommend substitute teaching!!! Our kids don’t need that kind of help!

I don't know if Op is interested in working with kids or not. Since she doesn't appear to have a degree she may not be qualified to substitute teach whether she likes kids or not.

I only suggested it because it might give Op some flexibility while she tries to determine exactly what it is that she wants to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean you're a gold digger. Few true gold digger situations actually work out happily in the end. I'd probably be putting some restrictions on my husband if he did nothing but want to spend my money.

She married the guy when she was in her early 50's, he's still working so he's probably close to Op's age. This doesn't sound like a typical trophy wife, gold digger scenario to me. Usually those types of relationships involve a higher earning "rich" husband and a much younger wife who has babies and hires nannies to watch them while she shops and drinks champagne with her BFFs at the country club.

This guy sounds like a prince charming who lured Op in and then went crazy control freak on her.

[Anonymous]

I’m confused. Why can’t you get a job now and make your own money? I don’t think it’s smart to put the house in your name. You have no job! If he died, you wouldn’t even be able to afford it. You spend your time sitting at home decorating with his money and now think you get part of the house? Ummmm no. Why weren’t you working before him? Troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m confused. Why can’t you get a job now and make your own money? I don’t think it’s smart to put the house in your name. You have no job! If he died, you wouldn’t even be able to afford it. You spend your time sitting at home decorating with his money and now think you get part of the house? Ummmm no. Why weren’t you working before him? Troll

In a situation like that one would assume that the high earning spouse would have life insurance which would make it possible for the SAH spouse to continue to live in the home.

Op hasn't really explained why she quit her job to SAH after she married this guy. In fact, Op hasn't said whether she was working or not before she married this man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean you're a gold digger. Few true gold digger situations actually work out happily in the end. I'd probably be putting some restrictions on my husband if he did nothing but want to spend my money.

She married the guy when she was in her early 50's, he's still working so he's probably close to Op's age. This doesn't sound like a typical trophy wife, gold digger scenario to me. Usually those types of relationships involve a higher earning "rich" husband and a much younger wife who has babies and hires nannies to watch them while she shops and drinks champagne with her BFFs at the country club.

This guy sounds like a prince charming who lured Op in and then went crazy control freak on her.

You don't have to be a trophy wife to be a gold digger. You have to be someone who is interested in the money (OP says she was in a bad financial spot) and will just smile and let her husband do whatever he wants as long as he keeps OP happy with material things. Yes, her husband is a jerk who saw someone who was probably in a bad spot and low self esteem. But let's not pretend that OP hasn't turned her cheek to a lot of things because he was rich. You marry someone for money and don't contribute anything other than decorating houses, you can't be surprised when he actually doesn't care that much about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m confused. Why can’t you get a job now and make your own money? I don’t think it’s smart to put the house in your name. You have no job! If he died, you wouldn’t even be able to afford it. You spend your time sitting at home decorating with his money and now think you get part of the house? Ummmm no. Why weren’t you working before him? Troll

In a situation like that one would assume that the high earning spouse would have life insurance which would make it possible for the SAH spouse to continue to live in the home.

Op hasn't really explained why she quit her job to SAH after she married this guy. In fact, Op hasn't said whether she was working or not before she married this man.

I'm having a lot of trouble stirring up a lot of sympathy for OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe how nice everyone is being to this. why do you feel entitled to his money anyway? You’ve been married 8 years, sounds like he had money before you met, He’s been supporting you and you’ve lived a good life. So now he’s a jerk, and you want half his stuff? What makes you so special? Grow up OP and start taking care of yourself. If he wants to give you gifts, fine. Get a job and start saving some cash.

Not the case at all. He’s worth millions and the house is a small part of his assets. The fact I found the house and now spending countless hrs decorating, not to mention him telling me we wld both wld be on the deed is what’s upsetting. I wldnt have any rights to it in event of divorce, (with prenup which I’m fine with), but the fact that if let’s say I’m in my 70s and he passes, I wld have to move out and it goes to his one grown child (who already gets everything he’s worth). It’s just really hard now to put so much time and effort into this home and live there now. I wish I cld live in the present and not think of the future so much . Must be a vajayjay thing. I’m going to a vocational school and I am going to get a decent paying job. And I’m not a foreigner.. And the email he forwarded was from my attorney to his as far as how I wanted the house set up in our names when he decided to put my name on the deed after I got upset bout it, but apparently it wasn’t to his liking ( too“demanding”). Originally he told me if he preceded me I cld live there till I die and half wld go back to his estate and half to my estate. Which I was happy with .. But when I received email from his attorney it changed to house wld be sold asap and I wld get half . I just hate liars! But the worse part is the fact that he shut down my credit cards the next day after this big fight and won’t let me get my own credit card. He turned it back on the next day but I feel so disrespected and vulnerable now. So yes I will now be really looking out for my future and doing everything I can to build a nest egg, and keep my mouth shut with all the advice I’ve gotten here. That way the next time he threatens me with divorce, I can say, you got it !!

“Must be a vajayjay thing”. Ok, now I definitely call troll!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean you're a gold digger. Few true gold digger situations actually work out happily in the end. I'd probably be putting some restrictions on my husband if he did nothing but want to spend my money.

She married the guy when she was in her early 50's, he's still working so he's probably close to Op's age. This doesn't sound like a typical trophy wife, gold digger scenario to me. Usually those types of relationships involve a higher earning "rich" husband and a much younger wife who has babies and hires nannies to watch them while she shops and drinks champagne with her BFFs at the country club.

This guy sounds like a prince charming who lured Op in and then went crazy control freak on her.

Basically thats about right especially the last Prince Charming part! Actually he’s a few yrs younger then me. And he wanted me to quit working and take care of me and be in his words, “a lady of leisure”. I worked in the beauty field and the economy fall really hurt me. Since, I have become a gourmet cook and donate my time to underprivileged children and babysit his grandchildren(who love me more then him). I always worried this would happen because he’s always been a good husband and I always joked with him that he would end up showing his true colors as a controlling Douchebag like most men with money. He’s just been getting worse and worse with any argument, which is not very often, with threats of divorce. And now I have to really watch my steps and not make him angry or I might come home with a note that says, “I’m done!” and him gone like last time . I was thinking today to get a gemologist cert and work in a high end jewelry store. FYI I’m not a troll! This is all real what I’m dealing with . Which to me isn’t all that unusual. Rich man, poor woman, turning into a controlling jerk. I thought I was so lucky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband of 8 yrs always threatens divorce or leaves when we have an argument and will cut my credit cards off the next day. He pays for everything I have been very spoiled but will throw it in my face with every fight. He also tells all his friends and grown children about our fights and even forwards my emails and texts to his friends. Of course everyone hates me now ... Btw the fights are always when I show some sort of strength so I just have to back down and be a “good” wife.

It seems as if you know what to do. Keep sweet and behave yourself. Be the best wife you can be to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband of 8 yrs always threatens divorce or leaves when we have an argument and will cut my credit cards off the next day. He pays for everything I have been very spoiled but will throw it in my face with every fight. He also tells all his friends and grown children about our fights and even forwards my emails and texts to his friends. Of course everyone hates me now ... Btw the fights are always when I show some sort of strength so I just have to back down and be a “good” wife.

It seems as if you know what to do. Keep sweet and behave yourself. Be the best wife you can be to him.

Ugh I know . And this is why I was single for 25 yrs after my divorce from my first controlling douchebag ! The inferiority kills me .