Just tell me straight- is the uninvited sibling you are bringing to the party going to take a favor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are these people who bring siblings? I have two kids, have hosted about 20 parties, and have seen this ONCE (and it was a foreign family). Never see it at the (constant) parties my kids attend, either. What area do you all live in where this is common?

We live in the DC area, in a neighborhood with a lot of "foreign" families. In most cultures IME, the whole family is basically invited.

My strategy (because our house is small!) is not to say that siblings are invited, but to say it's fine if they ask (not common), and to welcome everyone who shows up at my doorstep (more common). I have extras for everyone. Yes, I guess it could cost more, but I budget for that by reducing the cost per person for everything.

Ha! I don’t know what culture my mostly white neighbors identify as but they sure belong to the tribe of an invitation for their 5 year old is an invitation for their family of 5!

[Anonymous]

I’ve done the favor labeling thing before and it was actually more awkward than non labeling when the uninvited sibling is looking through the favors for their name and doesn’t find it. Or their name is Aiden and there’s a tag with the name “Aiden” but it was actually meant for the invited kid, not the uninvited sibling but they don’t know that so they take it and there’s not a favor for invited Aiden. It’s super awkward especially when the kids’ parent is standing right there. I don’t want to set myself up for a situation like that even if it is objectively ok, because it makes the kid feel bad and the kid wasn’t the one who decided they should attend.

I just started doing less expensive favors and have at least 5 extra on hand. We do the invitation with the invited kids on the envelope but people really don’t pay that much attention to it, honestly, so we still get a few siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are these people who bring siblings? I have two kids, have hosted about 20 parties, and have seen this ONCE (and it was a foreign family). Never see it at the (constant) parties my kids attend, either. What area do you all live in where this is common?

We live in the DC area, in a neighborhood with a lot of "foreign" families. In most cultures IME, the whole family is basically invited.

My strategy (because our house is small!) is not to say that siblings are invited, but to say it's fine if they ask (not common), and to welcome everyone who shows up at my doorstep (more common). I have extras for everyone. Yes, I guess it could cost more, but I budget for that by reducing the cost per person for everything.

Ha! I don’t know what culture my mostly white neighbors identify as but they sure belong to the tribe of an invitation for their 5 year old is an invitation for their family of 5!

Then be more clear. Until you are hosting drop off parties, it’s all very murky who is and isn’t invited. You are essentially expecting an uninvited guest to show up already, and kids are young enough that there isn’t really a precedent set.

Just err on the side of being clear about your expectations.

[Anonymous]

Who raised y’all? Put names on the favors and tell kids they weren’t invited so they don’t get a cookie? Once you accept the RSVP, those children are now your invited guests. Buy extra cookies or tell people you can’t accommodate siblings.

[Anonymous]

Just get some other cookies from somewhere and mix them in, or designate them for “little” kids. Kids don’t really care/know about how cute the cookies are. They’ll just want a cookie.

[Anonymous]

Have two baskets - one marked "party favors" and the "party crasher favors."

[Anonymous]

Like others I’ve legitimately never seen this. You address the invitation to the child who is invited. No one else comes. I’m in Potomac and I’ve been to probably 50 parties over the years and have seen people bring siblings maybe twice. Where do you guys live?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just get some other cookies from somewhere and mix them in, or designate them for “little” kids. Kids don’t really care/know about how cute the cookies are. They’ll just want a cookie.

I think if you are worried about providing extra favors, that's a sign that your favors are too expensive.

But the above is a good solution if you already have fancy expensive favors. Assuming the siblings are younger. If they are older give them the extra favors you ordered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like others I’ve legitimately never seen this. You address the invitation to the child who is invited. No one else comes. I’m in Potomac and I’ve been to probably 50 parties over the years and have seen people bring siblings maybe twice. Where do you guys live?

Bethesda

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry this is op- I’m just flummoxed. This is my one and only kid and first big birthday and I didn’t know people just RSVPd for siblings without checking. I doubled the pizza and cake but stupid me I had custom favors.

How old is the birthday child?

It shouldn’t be that hard to order more cookies. Or just go to target and buy some Oreos or heart candy or whatever and put them at bottom of basket so last kids get something too.

If this was an elementary party, you have every right to be upset but it is probably too late to say no siblings and drop off party. If preschool, lots of siblings come. I used to always welcome siblings. Now I have 2 kids in elementary plus a preschool kid. I would be super annoyed at siblings. We had 2 siblings stay last year but it was a home party. I think they were planning to leave but our family friends stayed and they were having a good time. 1 kid was supposed to come late and never came, 1 kid was sick and 1 kid couldn’t come last minute so I happily gave the siblings a favor. 1 parent actually stopped her kid from taking a favor and I said it was fine. Other sibling didn’t ask or come up for one but I handed it to her.

I would write the name of the invited kid on the favor bags. Don’t order extra. Then gave some Oreos and heart candy in unnamed bags for siblings.

I’m going to start writing “no siblings” on all invitations from now on. As my kids get older, it’s just harder to accommodate big families and it becomes more of an issue. Now that I have 3 kids, a birthday party is a chance for my oldest to spend time playing with her friends. It’s annoying to go through the trouble of planning that event only to have a lazy parent ruin the experience by bringing their toddlers and preschoolers along.

So a couple extra preschoolers completely ruins a child’s birthday party? Overdramatic much?

[Anonymous]

OP, how old is the birthday child?

[Anonymous]

Here's an idea: don't do favors. Nobody wants a bag full of junk, and nobody really needs an extra treat after a birthday party.

[Anonymous]

Hand them to the invited kids only. Don’t leave them out for kids to take themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry this is op- I’m just flummoxed. This is my one and only kid and first big birthday and I didn’t know people just RSVPd for siblings without checking. I doubled the pizza and cake but stupid me I had custom favors.

How old is the birthday child?

It shouldn’t be that hard to order more cookies. Or just go to target and buy some Oreos or heart candy or whatever and put them at bottom of basket so last kids get something too.

If this was an elementary party, you have every right to be upset but it is probably too late to say no siblings and drop off party. If preschool, lots of siblings come. I used to always welcome siblings. Now I have 2 kids in elementary plus a preschool kid. I would be super annoyed at siblings. We had 2 siblings stay last year but it was a home party. I think they were planning to leave but our family friends stayed and they were having a good time. 1 kid was supposed to come late and never came, 1 kid was sick and 1 kid couldn’t come last minute so I happily gave the siblings a favor. 1 parent actually stopped her kid from taking a favor and I said it was fine. Other sibling didn’t ask or come up for one but I handed it to her.

I would write the name of the invited kid on the favor bags. Don’t order extra. Then gave some Oreos and heart candy in unnamed bags for siblings.

I’m going to start writing “no siblings” on all invitations from now on. As my kids get older, it’s just harder to accommodate big families and it becomes more of an issue. Now that I have 3 kids, a birthday party is a chance for my oldest to spend time playing with her friends. It’s annoying to go through the trouble of planning that event only to have a lazy parent ruin the experience by bringing their toddlers and preschoolers along.

So a couple extra preschoolers completely ruins a child’s birthday party? Overdramatic much?

Imagine an oldest child who is constantly with her two younger siblings. For her birthday she wants a party just for her and the big kids. Her parents say "Sure, let's do it!" and invite her friends. The friends parents decide they want to crash the kid's party with their babies/preschoolers who are too young for all the activities and just get in the way. Instead of a big kid party, it's like a regular school day where she has to deal with little siblings bugging her.

The real question is: Why do you feel entitled to crash a party? Do you have no manners?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry this is op- I’m just flummoxed. This is my one and only kid and first big birthday and I didn’t know people just RSVPd for siblings without checking. I doubled the pizza and cake but stupid me I had custom favors.

How old is the birthday child?

It shouldn’t be that hard to order more cookies. Or just go to target and buy some Oreos or heart candy or whatever and put them at bottom of basket so last kids get something too.

If this was an elementary party, you have every right to be upset but it is probably too late to say no siblings and drop off party. If preschool, lots of siblings come. I used to always welcome siblings. Now I have 2 kids in elementary plus a preschool kid. I would be super annoyed at siblings. We had 2 siblings stay last year but it was a home party. I think they were planning to leave but our family friends stayed and they were having a good time. 1 kid was supposed to come late and never came, 1 kid was sick and 1 kid couldn’t come last minute so I happily gave the siblings a favor. 1 parent actually stopped her kid from taking a favor and I said it was fine. Other sibling didn’t ask or come up for one but I handed it to her.

I would write the name of the invited kid on the favor bags. Don’t order extra. Then gave some Oreos and heart candy in unnamed bags for siblings.

I’m going to start writing “no siblings” on all invitations from now on. As my kids get older, it’s just harder to accommodate big families and it becomes more of an issue. Now that I have 3 kids, a birthday party is a chance for my oldest to spend time playing with her friends. It’s annoying to go through the trouble of planning that event only to have a lazy parent ruin the experience by bringing their toddlers and preschoolers along.

So a couple extra preschoolers completely ruins a child’s birthday party? Overdramatic much?

Imagine an oldest child who is constantly with her two younger siblings. For her birthday she wants a party just for her and the big kids. Her parents say "Sure, let's do it!" and invite her friends. The friends parents decide they want to crash the kid's party with their babies/preschoolers who are too young for all the activities and just get in the way. Instead of a big kid party, it's like a regular school day where she has to deal with little siblings bugging her.

The real question is: Why do you feel entitled to crash a party? Do you have no manners?

I don’t feel entitled and I don’t bring the younger sibling along. However, younger siblings have shown up at our birthday parties and I roll with it. It’s really not a big deal. I have also stated on invitations that the activities were geared for children above a certain age, and when I did that, there were no younger siblings showing up.
But seriously, if the hosting parent overreacts about a younger sibling showing up, everyone picks up on it, even the kids.