Just tell me straight- is the uninvited sibling you are bringing to the party going to take a favor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need a favor for every kid and plan for 5 more than that.

As the host parent, I would want a cookie! I would err on having extra. I had football themed cookies for dh’s birthday. We loved eating the extra cookies after his party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t not offer favors to the siblings. That’s really cruel and not the kids fault.

I hope you’re joking. OP, the siblings are there for the party of a kid they don’t even know. They are lucky enough to be playing and eating your food and cake. It’s not at all cruel to not give them a custom made cookie.

It is a cookie. I’m fairly certain she can order extra pretty easily. Baker most likely hasn’t started baking the cookies yet.

Right, it’s a cookie. It’s not “cruel” for an uninvited child not to receive a cookie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t not offer favors to the siblings. That’s really cruel and not the kids fault.

I hope you’re joking. OP, the siblings are there for the party of a kid they don’t even know. They are lucky enough to be playing and eating your food and cake. It’s not at all cruel to not give them a custom made cookie.

It is a cookie. I’m fairly certain she can order extra pretty easily. Baker most likely hasn’t started baking the cookies yet.

Right, it’s a cookie. It’s not “cruel” for an uninvited child not to receive a cookie.

My kid would be upset not to get a cookie. There will sure to be crying from my 3yo. I would make my older child give the cookie to the younger sibling.

That being said, I would not bring an uninvited sibling to a party. If all these siblings are coming, I wonder if it is a home party and guests think it is a family party.

One year, our family friend RSVPd for her entire family. Other classmates starting RSVPing with their other kids. I reached out to classmates and said due to party space, we can’t accommodate siblings and that I would let them know if someone cancels. I had my friend change her RSVP to only one kid and told her the sibling could come but not to put it on the evite. Now I write very clearly the names of invited kids so it is very clear who is invited.

[Anonymous]

Put special cookie in colorful bag/gift wrap with invited child's name on it. Have extra regular cookies to hand out to others

[Anonymous]

Just buy (normal) cookies to supplement and do try to loosen up.

[Anonymous]

I bought some extra favors that are on theme. I’ll pull them out once I run out. Hope no one minds getting a bunch of junk instead of a cookie!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who are these people who bring siblings? I have two kids, have hosted about 20 parties, and have seen this ONCE (and it was a foreign family). Never see it at the (constant) parties my kids attend, either. What area do you all live in where this is common?

We live in the DC area, in a neighborhood with a lot of "foreign" families. In most cultures IME, the whole family is basically invited.

My strategy (because our house is small!) is not to say that siblings are invited, but to say it's fine if they ask (not common), and to welcome everyone who shows up at my doorstep (more common). I have extras for everyone. Yes, I guess it could cost more, but I budget for that by reducing the cost per person for everything.

[Anonymous]

You need to learn to say no. “SOrry, we can’t accommodate siblings”.

For this party, you keep the cookies in the bag and hand them out to each child who was invited at the end. Put name tags on each.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who are these people who bring siblings? I have two kids, have hosted about 20 parties, and have seen this ONCE (and it was a foreign family). Never see it at the (constant) parties my kids attend, either. What area do you all live in where this is common?

Same here. Who insists on bringing siblings because they can’t find a babysitter. My party is not your free time from your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are these people who bring siblings? I have two kids, have hosted about 20 parties, and have seen this ONCE (and it was a foreign family). Never see it at the (constant) parties my kids attend, either. What area do you all live in where this is common?

Same here. Who insists on bringing siblings because they can’t find a babysitter. My party is not your free time from your family.

I haven’t really seen this either. I do sometimes host (and attend) parties that ARE for the entire family, though.

I wonder if you sent out the invitations in such a way that it looks like siblings or both parents are invited, OP. Maybe you put the parents names on the envelope if you sent paper invitations or did the thing on evite where guests have the option to specify how many people are coming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are these people who bring siblings? I have two kids, have hosted about 20 parties, and have seen this ONCE (and it was a foreign family). Never see it at the (constant) parties my kids attend, either. What area do you all live in where this is common?

Same here. Who insists on bringing siblings because they can’t find a babysitter. My party is not your free time from your family.

I haven’t really seen this either. I do sometimes host (and attend) parties that ARE for the entire family, though.

I wonder if you sent out the invitations in such a way that it looks like siblings or both parents are invited, OP. Maybe you put the parents names on the envelope if you sent paper invitations or did the thing on evite where guests have the option to specify how many people are coming.

I suspect it differs by school. At my daughter’s school, if you put the child’s name on the invitation, siblings don’t show up, but if you let people RSVP for whatever number and you just send the invitation to the mom’s email address without specifying, they assume the whole family is invited. And maybe they are? I’m never sure what the host intends by that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t not offer favors to the siblings. That’s really cruel and not the kids fault.

I hope you’re joking. OP, the siblings are there for the party of a kid they don’t even know. They are lucky enough to be playing and eating your food and cake. It’s not at all cruel to not give them a custom made cookie.

I wouldn't call it cruel because it just isn't that important in the grand scheme of things. But, it's rude. And the reason that it is rude is because it will hurt the sibling's feelings. They don't get they are just 'lucky enough to be there' all they understand is sibling was given xyz and they were excluded. It will hurt feelings and cause sibling jealousy for no reason at all. OP should have said no siblings if she didn't want siblings. That is perfectly reasonable. Don't say, fine, bring siblings, and then treat them worse. The siblings have done nothing wrong. I change my answer if the sibling was very young or old enough to realize what's going on, but 3, 4, 5, to about 7 or so, treat them the same (doesn't need to be same favor, but similar enough) or say don't come. And you know what, favors are not even required, it would be better to have none than to distribute to some kids and not others. They are KIDS. They don't get that having them there costs money, etc.

[Anonymous]

In the preschool years, lots of whole families (or both parents with kid) show up - I think people are trying to meet classmates families etc. I’ve had to take my younger, who was an infant, to parties, and by the time she was old enough to reach for a favor or treat, I would tell her no. And now that she’s even older, my DH and I tag team parties so someone can stay home with the younger. If one of us is out of town, I would confirm with the host parent first, and also not have the younger one take anything unless there are extras at the end that are offered. It will be some much easier when they become drop off parties and each child can have their own parties to join. I think people are ridiculously entitled, especially when a party is at a venue, to expect the hosts to pay for their entire family to participate.

And I can’t believe the PP who said they would make their older child - who was an invited guest - give the favor to a tantrumming younger child to appease him/her. Way to plant the seeds of resentment among your kids and teach the younger one they can get their way by throwing a fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are these people who bring siblings? I have two kids, have hosted about 20 parties, and have seen this ONCE (and it was a foreign family). Never see it at the (constant) parties my kids attend, either. What area do you all live in where this is common?

Same here. Who insists on bringing siblings because they can’t find a babysitter. My party is not your free time from your family.

I haven’t really seen this either. I do sometimes host (and attend) parties that ARE for the entire family, though.

I wonder if you sent out the invitations in such a way that it looks like siblings or both parents are invited, OP. Maybe you put the parents names on the envelope if you sent paper invitations or did the thing on evite where guests have the option to specify how many people are coming.

I suspect it differs by school. At my daughter’s school, if you put the child’s name on the invitation, siblings don’t show up, but if you let people RSVP for whatever number and you just send the invitation to the mom’s email address without specifying, they assume the whole family is invited. And maybe they are? I’m never sure what the host intends by that.

I think this is pretty standard everywhere.

I wonder if you just sent out the invitations to the parents without specifying who was invited, OP.

[Anonymous]

Of course they expect favors. Just label them all with the invited guests names on them.