Is initial attraction important to men?

[Anonymous]

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Initial “visual” attraction is important to both men and women and anyone who denies it is lying. But, there is much more than that required to turn “attraction into action.” And, sometimes the visual attraction is so powerful that both men and women won’t care about anything else until they realize the next morning that the person has the IQ of a yam.

[Anonymous]

The subject thread is about initial (ie physical) attraction. And the fact is, not too many woman would ever look at a guy (any guy) and think to herself "I am physically attracted to that guy".

This is why it's impossible to go to a bar or on Tinder and find a woman willing to have a hookup.

Only a tiny fraction of men ever inspire such thoughts in women (any women).

I guess I'm more awesome than I thought!

Instead, most marriages and relationships come about because the guy pursues her, then (despite little to zero physical attraction) she gets to know him and her attraction for him develops based on other things (NOT his physical appearance).

As a general rule, you can get to sex in three to five dates. Basically, if she agrees to a second date, it's yours to lose. And then there's the period of "new relationship excitement" where you have crazy monkey sex all the time. So I guess that somehow these women went from "zero physical attraction" to "down for crazy monkey sex" in a really short period of time. They got to know me (and appreciate the "other things" than physical appearance) well enough to feel intense physical attraction on the basis of an hour or so each in three different coffee shops and restaurants. Fascinating. Or maybe they actually did feel physical attraction in the first place...

Men don't work that way at all. Most men are physically attracted to women everywhere, and it is quite rare that a man would EVER date a women where that initial PHYSICAL attraction is absent.

Eh. The number of physically attractive women isn't all that high. Lots of men are willing to settle for "good enough" though, because sex does not require a high level of emotional investment for them. What you're also missing is that plenty of guys will have sex due to initial physical attraction, but as the relationship progresses he increasingly notices the "other things" about her than physical attraction, e.g., she is annoying, stupid, or crazy. And that's when she gets the old "ghost and block" treatment.

[Anonymous]

This may be cruel but I think that people are attracted to people like themselves. I spend a painful amount of time in airports, often people watching, and when couples walk by if it’s an attractive woman the man is usually attractive and it works the opposite way as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will agree that I do not find 95% of the men I randomly see attractive. Very few men really do it for me. Maybe I'm unusual in that regard but I doubt it.

This is totally normal for women. You are NOT unusual.

If this is so true, would not see so many men in relationships or married. Total red pill that makes no sense. So all these women are with men they do not find attractive?

Yes. That's why disparity in sex drive is such a common problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will agree that I do not find 95% of the men I randomly see attractive. Very few men really do it for me. Maybe I'm unusual in that regard but I doubt it.

This is totally normal for women. You are NOT unusual.

If this is so true, would not see so many men in relationships or married. Total red pill that makes no sense. So all these women are with men they do not find attractive?

The subject thread is about initial (ie physical) attraction. And the fact is, not too many woman would ever look at a guy (any guy) and think to herself "I am physically attracted to that guy". Only a tiny fraction of men ever inspire such thoughts in women (any women). Instead, most marriages and relationships come about because the guy pursues her, then (despite little to zero physical attraction) she gets to know him and her attraction for him develops based on other things (NOT his physical appearance).

Men don't work that way at all. Most men are physically attracted to women everywhere, and it is quite rare that a man would EVER date a women where that initial PHYSICAL attraction is absent.

Woman here. I also agree that I find hardly any men attractive by just looking at them. The 5% that do it for me, is usually because of how they carry themselves, their facial expressions, laughter, pride in their appearance. HOWEVER, not all of these 5% would be considered objectively great looking. Some of them were quite short or receding hairline, exceptionally skinny or a bit overweight. There was just something about them that inspired me to get into a conversation with them and that usually confirmed my initial attraction based on looks. Many women most likely would not have the same attraction to these guys as me. Trying to say that even if most women are only attracted to 5% of the guys she sees, it is a different 5% for every woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This may be cruel but I think that people are attracted to people like themselves. I spend a painful amount of time in airports, often people watching, and when couples walk by if it’s an attractive woman the man is usually attractive and it works the opposite way as well.

Yes, there have been studies done on this. Water generally seeks its own level.

[Anonymous]

Not typically. But if the man is a certain age and wants to marry, but has trouble attracting females, he will adjust accordingly. Women too, I guess,. And judging by the many unattractive couples in the dc area, this happens often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will agree that I do not find 95% of the men I randomly see attractive. Very few men really do it for me. Maybe I'm unusual in that regard but I doubt it.

This is totally normal for women. You are NOT unusual.

If this is so true, would not see so many men in relationships or married. Total red pill that makes no sense. So all these women are with men they do not find attractive?

The subject thread is about initial (ie physical) attraction. And the fact is, not too many woman would ever look at a guy (any guy) and think to herself "I am physically attracted to that guy". Only a tiny fraction of men ever inspire such thoughts in women (any women). Instead, most marriages and relationships come about because the guy pursues her, then (despite little to zero physical attraction) she gets to know him and her attraction for him develops based on other things (NOT his physical appearance).

Men don't work that way at all. Most men are physically attracted to women everywhere, and it is quite rare that a man would EVER date a women where that initial PHYSICAL attraction is absent.

Umm ... this is totally untrue. I see plenty of men I'm physically attracted to, and I think that's true for lots of women.

[Anonymous]

Can we all agree once and for all that Jennifer Anniston -- even with all the Botox -- is not and never has been "objectively pretty"? Beauty involves symmetry. No doctor can correct her close-set eyes and manly jawline. She is one step above Tori Spelling, not even fit to approach the footstool of pulchritude.

[Anonymous]

There is a hard wired unfairness. When women pass a certain age and cannot find a male partner, they will increasingly overlook physical attributes in favor of a “nice”man with good money or intelligence. Most men can’t help but want to continue pursue beautiful women,though. Maybe all this makes some sort of evolutionary sense. But assortative mating is problematic,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can we all agree once and for all that Jennifer Anniston -- even with all the Botox -- is not and never has been "objectively pretty"? Beauty involves symmetry. No doctor can correct her close-set eyes and manly jawline. She is one step above Tori Spelling, not even fit to approach the footstool of pulchritude.

She's always been hot you weirdo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can we all agree once and for all that Jennifer Anniston -- even with all the Botox -- is not and never has been "objectively pretty"? Beauty involves symmetry. No doctor can correct her close-set eyes and manly jawline. She is one step above Tori Spelling, not even fit to approach the footstool of pulchritude.

Better than the pulchritudinous masses on the Metro every M-F, maybe?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This may be cruel but I think that people are attracted to people like themselves. I spend a painful amount of time in airports, often people watching, and when couples walk by if it’s an attractive woman the man is usually attractive and it works the opposite way as well.

"Attracted to" and "able to get a relationship with" are not the same. You can certainly be attracted to someone way more attractive than you, but chances are, they're not going to be attracted to you or want a relationship with you unless there is something else in the equation (like you're a guy who has lots of money).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will agree that I do not find 95% of the men I randomly see attractive. Very few men really do it for me. Maybe I'm unusual in that regard but I doubt it.

This is totally normal for women. You are NOT unusual.

If this is so true, would not see so many men in relationships or married. Total red pill that makes no sense. So all these women are with men they do not find attractive?

The subject thread is about initial (ie physical) attraction. And the fact is, not too many woman would ever look at a guy (any guy) and think to herself "I am physically attracted to that guy". Only a tiny fraction of men ever inspire such thoughts in women (any women). Instead, most marriages and relationships come about because the guy pursues her, then (despite little to zero physical attraction) she gets to know him and her attraction for him develops based on other things (NOT his physical appearance).

Men don't work that way at all. Most men are physically attracted to women everywhere, and it is quite rare that a man would EVER date a women where that initial PHYSICAL attraction is absent.

Woman here. I also agree that I find hardly any men attractive by just looking at them. The 5% that do it for me, is usually because of how they carry themselves, their facial expressions, laughter, pride in their appearance. HOWEVER, not all of these 5% would be considered objectively great looking. Some of them were quite short or receding hairline, exceptionally skinny or a bit overweight. There was just something about them that inspired me to get into a conversation with them and that usually confirmed my initial attraction based on looks. Many women most likely would not have the same attraction to these guys as me. Trying to say that even if most women are only attracted to 5% of the guys she sees, it is a different 5% for every woman.

I think I'm physically attracted to more men than you seem to be, but I agree with you that I have been attracted to men who aren't necessarily considered attractive by tons of people.

For example--though I obviously never met him--I have always been seriously drawn to George Harrison. It doesn't matter to me that for years he had bad teeth, was super skinny, etc. I think he was gorgeous and his personality (so far as I can tell from interviews and reading everything I can get my hands on about him from friends and family) has only made him more attractive to me.

Alternatively, I can recognize that someone like Idris Elba is hot--and I would be insane to not want to bang him--but it's not the same thing.