Is initial attraction important to men?

[Anonymous]

I know an unattractive man can become attractive to a woman once you get to know them. Not sure if it works the other way.

[Anonymous]

Again, rather than ignoring the question, maybe you should think about why female OKCupid users rated 80% of men as below average. (hint: it's because a lot of men put zero effort into their appearance). Step up your game, men! Wearing clean clothes that fit and not having a beer belly goes a long way.

I've taken a look at the guys who are similar to me in age, height, appearance, and education in various OLD apps, and I have to agree. Most of them have really low-effort photos. Grown men with nothing but mirror selfies and car selfies, WTF.

The problem is you want "staged photos that look candid" - if it's obviously a professional photoshoot, that probably comes across as phony. At least for a guy... doesn't bother me when I see women's profile photos that are obviously professionally taken.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will agree that I do not find 95% of the men I randomly see attractive. Very few men really do it for me. Maybe I'm unusual in that regard but I doubt it.

This is totally normal for women. You are NOT unusual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will agree that I do not find 95% of the men I randomly see attractive. Very few men really do it for me. Maybe I'm unusual in that regard but I doubt it.

This is totally normal for women. You are NOT unusual.

If this is so true, would not see so many men in relationships or married. Total red pill that makes no sense. So all these women are with men they do not find attractive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will agree that I do not find 95% of the men I randomly see attractive. Very few men really do it for me. Maybe I'm unusual in that regard but I doubt it.

This is totally normal for women. You are NOT unusual.

If this is so true, would not see so many men in relationships or married. Total red pill that makes no sense. So all these women are with men they do not find attractive?

Yeah, I think this is just an excuse men who haven't had luck with relationships trot out.

"Oh it's just this unexplainable thing that women have -- they just aren't attracted to most men. It has nothing to do with their appearance! They just want a provider."

This is pure BS. We have just as much of a sex drive as men. We value appearance just as much. It's just that there are lots of men out there who don't put much effort into how they look. We then have to choose between being alone and being with someone we settle for.

That's why you get so many sexless marriages. Men like to say it's because women have low libido or whatever, but it's really because we don't want to have sex with someone who has a beer belly and can't be bothered to buy clothes that fit him.

[Anonymous]

I’d say that on a scale of 1-10 she has to be a 6-7 for there to be an initial attraction and that can go up quickly if she has intelligence, a sense of humor and is a good conversationalist. On the other hand I’ve had an initial attraction to 9-10’s who quickly drop because that is all they have. I married a woman who was initially a 7-8 but quickly proved to be a 9-10 overall and has sustained that over many years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d say that on a scale of 1-10 she has to be a 6-7 for there to be an initial attraction and that can go up quickly if she has intelligence, a sense of humor and is a good conversationalist. On the other hand I’ve had an initial attraction to 9-10’s who quickly drop because that is all they have. I married a woman who was initially a 7-8 but quickly proved to be a 9-10 overall and has sustained that over many years.

As a woman, I would say you also need to continue to put in effort (and this goes for men and women).

My husband was very clear from the beginning that he was attracted to me, but I have put effort into staying at a good weight, finding clothes that flatter my body type, and doing things like wearing makeup. This is not just for him, but I think it's important to continue to make an effort.

He does the same and it makes a huge difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will agree that I do not find 95% of the men I randomly see attractive. Very few men really do it for me. Maybe I'm unusual in that regard but I doubt it.

This is totally normal for women. You are NOT unusual.

If this is so true, would not see so many men in relationships or married. Total red pill that makes no sense. So all these women are with men they do not find attractive?

I'd say a lot of women are willing to settle for men they don't find particularly attractive if other factors are present. Also, as has been already stated, women are more willing to get to know a guy and may later find him attractive whereas most men don't seem willing to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d say that on a scale of 1-10 she has to be a 6-7 for there to be an initial attraction and that can go up quickly if she has intelligence, a sense of humor and is a good conversationalist. On the other hand I’ve had an initial attraction to 9-10’s who quickly drop because that is all they have. I married a woman who was initially a 7-8 but quickly proved to be a 9-10 overall and has sustained that over many years.

As a woman, I would say you also need to continue to put in effort (and this goes for men and women).

My husband was very clear from the beginning that he was attracted to me, but I have put effort into staying at a good weight, finding clothes that flatter my body type, and doing things like wearing makeup. This is not just for him, but I think it's important to continue to make an effort.

He does the same and it makes a huge difference.

+1 It is definitely a two way street. My husband and I have been married a very long time and we do a good job of staying in shape and dressing well. I love it when I’m heading to something like a meeting and he will say how cute or pretty I look. I’m really dressing for myself but it’s nice to be noticed. We still have a very active love life and I know that staying in shape has been a part of it.

[Anonymous]

I’m a married guy but during my dating years I never pursued an unattractive woman but average looking women? Yes, especially if upon meeting them I found them to be fun and smart. I’d like to think I’m above average looking but I may be average! But I did know I was intelligent and pretty entertaining so I did OK on the dating scene. As a happily married man I like any woman with brains and a sense of humor no matter what she looks like.

[Anonymous]

Women grow attraction when somebody is kind, thoughtful, funny, etc. So they can start off physically hot, but if those other things aren't there, attraction will disappear. Men get better looking the longer you know them. That doesn't mean that you'll be more attracted to them, though.

This doesn't mean we don't appreciate a good-looking package, though. It just means that for women the other stuff can overcome the outer looks.

Not sure how men's attraction works, but I think there needs to be some physical attraction first to spark an interest in finding out more. Could be your hair, your eyes, your smile, your boobs, I don't know what, but then he's going to want to know more about you and who you are.

[Anonymous]

For me it is more about overall attitude, how she carries herself, style, how well put together she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will agree that I do not find 95% of the men I randomly see attractive. Very few men really do it for me. Maybe I'm unusual in that regard but I doubt it.

This is totally normal for women. You are NOT unusual.

If this is so true, would not see so many men in relationships or married. Total red pill that makes no sense. So all these women are with men they do not find attractive?

Yeah, I think this is just an excuse men who haven't had luck with relationships trot out.

"Oh it's just this unexplainable thing that women have -- they just aren't attracted to most men. It has nothing to do with their appearance! They just want a provider."

This is pure BS. We have just as much of a sex drive as men. We value appearance just as much. It's just that there are lots of men out there who don't put much effort into how they look. We then have to choose between being alone and being with someone we settle for.

That's why you get so many sexless marriages. Men like to say it's because women have low libido or whatever, but it's really because we don't want to have sex with someone who has a beer belly and can't be bothered to buy clothes that fit him.

LOL..no!

[Anonymous]

That's why you get so many sexless marriages. Men like to say it's because women have low libido or whatever, but it's really because we don't want to have sex with someone who has a beer belly and can't be bothered to buy clothes that fit him.

Nah you got bored, quit putting out, and let yourself get fat, and he figured he might as well give up as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will agree that I do not find 95% of the men I randomly see attractive. Very few men really do it for me. Maybe I'm unusual in that regard but I doubt it.

This is totally normal for women. You are NOT unusual.

If this is so true, would not see so many men in relationships or married. Total red pill that makes no sense. So all these women are with men they do not find attractive?

The subject thread is about initial (ie physical) attraction. And the fact is, not too many woman would ever look at a guy (any guy) and think to herself "I am physically attracted to that guy". Only a tiny fraction of men ever inspire such thoughts in women (any women). Instead, most marriages and relationships come about because the guy pursues her, then (despite little to zero physical attraction) she gets to know him and her attraction for him develops based on other things (NOT his physical appearance).

Men don't work that way at all. Most men are physically attracted to women everywhere, and it is quite rare that a man would EVER date a women where that initial PHYSICAL attraction is absent.