Niece staying with me for 2 months - payment? Rent? Nothing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m disgusted you would even consider taking money.

Oh well. Be disgusted. I find your entitled attitude that the Op is somehow obligated to give this young lady free room and board beyond disgusting. So there.

That young lady is her niece. Good lord.

-np

+ 1
Says a lot about the family that OP has come from and her basic sense of decency though.

I would suggest that she asks for money if she was financially strapped and struggling to put food on the table.
In my experience, having family live with you does not increase your cost in a way that matters. How expensive is buying basic groceries for one more person? OMG!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not ask for rent or food money but I just offered our guest room to a friend’s child who needs to be in DC for an internship and am really hoping they come!

I will simply have what I always have in the house and will assume she will buy anything special she wants and that she will also have money to metro or eat out with friends. If we go out as a family, we will pay. I’m fortunate in that I do not need the money and so feel very lucky to be in this place of giving back.

In your place, I would just have the conversation with brother and child that she is welcome to stay, explain what your routine is in terms of work, household chores, and meals and asks if she is comfortable with it.

Also mention you know food preferences vary so she should work with her parents on a food budget and you will make sure she knows how to safely get to store when she needs to.

You can also casually work in that there is much to do in DC and much is free but she may also want to budget x amount for special meal, boat trip, shopping at eastern market - whatever.

This way all your concerns are covered in a legitimate but welcoming way. I loved staying with my aunt for two weeks every summer ( just for fun). Some of my most favorite childhood memories. I hope it works well for both of you!

Yeah, but it sounds like you have kids, right? Adding another kid when you already are cooking/caring for kids is quite different than hosting a kid for two months when you’re childless and normally have your place to yourself. It’s just a bigger ask. It could be great but it’s not the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m disgusted you would even consider taking money.

Oh well. Be disgusted. I find your entitled attitude that the Op is somehow obligated to give this young lady free room and board beyond disgusting. So there.

That young lady is her niece. Good lord.

-np

+ 1
Says a lot about the family that OP has come from and her basic sense of decency though.

I would suggest that she asks for money if she was financially strapped and struggling to put food on the table.
In my experience, having family live with you does not increase your cost in a way that matters. How expensive is buying basic groceries for one more person? OMG!

She already said she is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m disgusted you would even consider taking money.

Oh well. Be disgusted. I find your entitled attitude that the Op is somehow obligated to give this young lady free room and board beyond disgusting. So there.

That young lady is her niece. Good lord.

-np

Right. And FAMILY doesn't use FAMILY. They contribute to the household that they are living in. Lesson 101 on how to be a decent adult.

My guess is that you are estranged from most of your family.

DP. My guess is that you are a major taker in your family.

Another DP here. I come from a functional family and have no problem in helping family members with such requests. The idea is that when you are in a position to help a family member so that they can be a success in their life, you do so, because indirectly you are helping the entire family succeed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not ask for rent or food money but I just offered our guest room to a friend’s child who needs to be in DC for an internship and am really hoping they come!

I will simply have what I always have in the house and will assume she will buy anything special she wants and that she will also have money to metro or eat out with friends. If we go out as a family, we will pay. I’m fortunate in that I do not need the money and so feel very lucky to be in this place of giving back.

In your place, I would just have the conversation with brother and child that she is welcome to stay, explain what your routine is in terms of work, household chores, and meals and asks if she is comfortable with it.

Also mention you know food preferences vary so she should work with her parents on a food budget and you will make sure she knows how to safely get to store when she needs to.

You can also casually work in that there is much to do in DC and much is free but she may also want to budget x amount for special meal, boat trip, shopping at eastern market - whatever.

This way all your concerns are covered in a legitimate but welcoming way. I loved staying with my aunt for two weeks every summer ( just for fun). Some of my most favorite childhood memories. I hope it works well for both of you!

Op may not be in a position to pay for food and outings. That is the issue. We have friends send their teens for a few weeks some summers and between food, activities and shopping it adds up and I spend more in theirs than mine. Parents tell the kids I wil do the school shopping and it gets hard buying for 2 extra kids in adult sizes plus all the meals out plus activities or camp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m disgusted you would even consider taking money.

Oh well. Be disgusted. I find your entitled attitude that the Op is somehow obligated to give this young lady free room and board beyond disgusting. So there.

That young lady is her niece. Good lord.

-np

+ 1
Says a lot about the family that OP has come from and her basic sense of decency though.

I would suggest that she asks for money if she was financially strapped and struggling to put food on the table.
In my experience, having family live with you does not increase your cost in a way that matters. How expensive is buying basic groceries for one more person? OMG!

She already said she is not.

She does seem to be very poor - in mind, heart, relationships. So there is that.

[Anonymous]

I would never, ever ask for money, not even to pitch in on bills. I'm guessing your brother may bring it up, asking if you would like some money. But if he doesn't -- again, I would never ask if I were in your shoes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Niece is a good kid, but with aspergers, is often bit clueless with regards to picking up and cleaning up after themselves, so I feel like I'd be picking up more responsibility, rather than having help w/ someone living with me.

OP how do you plan on handling this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m disgusted you would even consider taking money.

Oh well. Be disgusted. I find your entitled attitude that the Op is somehow obligated to give this young lady free room and board beyond disgusting. So there.

Ugh, why do I always forget these nutjobs come on here on these threads? I sincerely hope you live alone in a studio apartment and have never actually had a family, and are just posting opinions based on no real life experience. Otherwise -- you are frighteningly cold. "This young lady" is the OP's niece for god's sake.

[Anonymous]

If the parents and/or the niece don't ask how she can pitch in or about paying rent, I would not agree to this.

Anyone with any common courtesy is going to recognize this as a huge favor and will, at the very least, offer to pitch in some rent money and groceries.

It is not o.k. to EXPECT a family member to support you for two months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m disgusted you would even consider taking money.

Oh well. Be disgusted. I find your entitled attitude that the Op is somehow obligated to give this young lady free room and board beyond disgusting. So there.

Ugh, why do I always forget these nutjobs come on here on these threads? I sincerely hope you live alone in a studio apartment and have never actually had a family, and are just posting opinions based on no real life experience. Otherwise -- you are frighteningly cold. "This young lady" is the OP's niece for god's sake.

Weirdly enough, I have done more to help out family members than most people have. I have even allowed a younger relative to stay with us rent free for a short time.

Now that I have teenagers, myself, I want to teach them to be gracious to their hosts. I can see from this thread that some of you have very low standards for the young adults in your families which is a shame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the parents and/or the niece don't ask how she can pitch in or about paying rent, I would not agree to this.

Anyone with any common courtesy is going to recognize this as a huge favor and will, at the very least, offer to pitch in some rent money and groceries.

It is not o.k. to EXPECT a family member to support you for two months.

Maybe not in your family but in our family, we help one another out. We would never accept any type of rent. There are house rules but beyond that, we help one another. It’s not like the niece is a drug addict staying with her. She is getting her life started

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised no one has offered OP food. We hosted my nephew last summer for the whole summer. SIL insisted on some money (we declined twice but she kept insisting) and nephew did contribute some to food/groceries. Although I strongly suspect it was SIL telling him to buy household things like TP, paper towels, cleaners, etc.

What we did do was draw up some "house rules". They were pretty lenient but had to do with cleaning and some very basic expectations regarding guests. We had no issues and he is likely coming for part of this summer as well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m disgusted you would even consider taking money.

Oh well. Be disgusted. I find your entitled attitude that the Op is somehow obligated to give this young lady free room and board beyond disgusting. So there.

That young lady is her niece. Good lord.

-np

?
With family like OP (and the poster above) who needs enemies, right?

I will forever be grateful to people who offered me a helping hand when I was in college and had nothing. OP could be investing in her nieces future. OP have you ever needed help in your life before? Do you hate your brother?

What makes you think that the niece and her family have nothing? This young woman is in college and she has landed a nice internship for herself. Op is happy to open up her home to her niece but it would be super cheap of the parents and the niece to not offer to pay the Op some rent money. It's called mutual consideration.

I would never, ever charge my siblings’ kids rent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am not strapped, but I am not rolling in it either. I never had even remotely involved aunts/uncles growing up, so this is new territory for me. All other things considered, I think I'm a really great aunt!

But I know her family's habits are different than mine. I spend FAR less on food, am conscientious of my electricity/water consumption, and it's been a while since I've lived with anyone and admittedly am a bit of a neat freak.

I'm not looking to charge market price for rent or anything like that, but just trying to see what is understandable and reasonable.

Hard no.

It's going to be hard enough for her to live with "neat freak" stuck in her ways.

It's very nice of you to offer for your niece to stay. If you wanted anything out of the deal you should have told them when you offered that their were conditions.

+1