Is this a dealbreaker?

[Anonymous]

You sound a little bit nuts. Have you considered just talking to him about this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could separate your finances or set rules together.

I wouldn't divorce over this.

His people-pleasing is a double edged sword and probably one of the things that really attracted you to him. It's got to benefit you often in other contexts. This is the trade off.

This. Sounds like he’s a really nice guy. I’d hang in to him. This is a problem that can be worked out.

He doesn’t sound like a nice guy. Nice guys care about their families. This guy cares about appearances and looking good to other people. He doesn’t care if his wife and child pay the price as long as he looks good to the outside world.

Not a nice guy at all.

You’re adding a lot of assumptions to the situation. And several posters are adding a lot of drama. She didn’t say they can’t pay their mortgage or they’re going into debt over it. She said it’s a problem. And it sounds like something that can be addressed and resolved.

This relationship forum is nuts. So much bad advice on so many threads. See a marriage counselor, OP.

I never said they were going to be homeless over this. Nice strawman! I said his wife and child are paying the price. She’s stressing about how to make up the difference. Maybe it means canceling a vacation, maybe it means cutting out the entire family’s entertainment budget for several months. Who knows? We only have her word that it’s affecting her to the point of considering divorce.

He’s still prioritizing helping other people than helping his wife. Why? He must get something out of being the one to lay down his credit card and say “I got this.” The external validation is worth more than his wife’s stress and anxiety. That says a lot about him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could separate your finances or set rules together.

I wouldn't divorce over this.

His people-pleasing is a double edged sword and probably one of the things that really attracted you to him. It's got to benefit you often in other contexts. This is the trade off.

This. Sounds like he’s a really nice guy. I’d hang in to him. This is a problem that can be worked out.

He doesn’t sound like a nice guy. Nice guys care about their families. This guy cares about appearances and looking good to other people. He doesn’t care if his wife and child pay the price as long as he looks good to the outside world.

Not a nice guy at all.

You’re adding a lot of assumptions to the situation. And several posters are adding a lot of drama. She didn’t say they can’t pay their mortgage or they’re going into debt over it. She said it’s a problem. And it sounds like something that can be addressed and resolved.

This relationship forum is nuts. So much bad advice on so many threads. See a marriage counselor, OP.

I never said they were going to be homeless over this. Nice strawman! I said his wife and child are paying the price. She’s stressing about how to make up the difference. Maybe it means canceling a vacation, maybe it means cutting out the entire family’s entertainment budget for several months. Who knows? We only have her word that it’s affecting her to the point of considering divorce.

He’s still prioritizing helping other people than helping his wife. Why? He must get something out of being the one to lay down his credit card and say “I got this.” The external validation is worth more than his wife’s stress and anxiety. That says a lot about him.

I didn’t say you said that. I said she didn’t. Your own anxiety is palpable and you’re adding drama like several other posters. Your post reinforced my point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Then your husband shouldn’t have a credit card. Seriously. It is that simple.

+1. Could you get him to try a cash budget? To some people, credit cards don't feel like "real" money.

I also don't think it matters if you can easily afford his doing this. It bothers OP, they are married, it's their money - so it should matter to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Honey, I love what a generous person you are, and how you take action in projects. These are great qualities I appreciate about you. There's something I need your help with. I feel really stressed about the amount of money you spent on our account. I know you expect some reimbursement, but I'm not comfortable with how that goes. Going forward, in the future, can you talk to me before you spend more than (whatever you think is reasonable) from our account for other people/projects, even if you expect to be reimbursed?"

And what if he says “No.”

THEN it's a different issue. It's not working together when approache dpositively, and it's probably not limited to this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well then he shouldn't mind paying you in the divorce. Congrats

Ha. This made me laugh out loud.

Sorry OP that would drive me absolutely crazy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did he grow up poor? This is a very common trait for
those who grew up poor in section 8 housing.

I know of 2 different men who both grew up poor who
are overly generous in their neighborhoods to those in need. If someone
needs a battery for the car they buy the battery and
tell the recipient they can pay back later.

Again, this is very common for those who grew up poor
or currently live in poor neighborhoods. If the donor
has a bit of money they help out their fellow man.

This is not something to divorce over. He is not
gambling away your life savings or spending all of
your savings on porn. Clearly it needs to be reigned
in. I'd suggest several counseling sessions to
talk it over with a counselor.

In the big picture of life this is minor and not something
to divorce over.

This is an interesting comment. I grew up poor and I exhibit this behavior. Guess I need to seek help. Good luck to you OP.

[Anonymous]

Start the Dave Ramsey plan together.
No credit card only cash for both of you.

[Anonymous]

If it was just a one-time thing or $100 treat to friends every so often, I'd forget about it. But $500 and $1000 regularly from joint funds? Hell to the no.

Have you considered separating finances? A joint account for strictly household expenses (food, mortgage, car, childcare,etc) and everything else is separate. Let him deal with his own budget.

[Anonymous]

Can you open a second account and divert your essentials prior to his spending???