Is this a dealbreaker?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t divorce for this reason alone but if I would if I were dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could separate your finances or set rules together.

I wouldn't divorce over this.

His people-pleasing is a double edged sword and probably one of the things that really attracted you to him. It's got to benefit you often in other contexts. This is the trade off.

This. Sounds like he’s a really nice guy. I’d hang in to him. This is a problem that can be worked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, that's a tough one. I get a sick feeling in my stomach just reading about this. I don't know how you solve this problem. Good luck!

Why do you get sick?

Dealing with cheap ass people at work or charity events just gets old. I have the means and ability to deal with the mundane petty stuff so I take care of it.

Not going waste emotional or intellectual capital arguing over it. Also the amount of money I make in an hour isn’t going to justify me chasing people down for incremental amounts of money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, that's a tough one. I get a sick feeling in my stomach just reading about this. I don't know how you solve this problem. Good luck!

Why do you get sick?

Dealing with cheap ass people at work or charity events just gets old. I have the means and ability to deal with the mundane petty stuff so I take care of it.

Not going waste emotional or intellectual capital arguing over it. Also the amount of money I make in an hour isn’t going to justify me chasing people down for incremental amounts of money.

OP here and I agree. In the past, it was it worth the argument. But now it’s $1000. What will it be next time? I know everyone here is pulling in a cool million yearly, but for some (most) of us, $1000 is more than incremental.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, that's a tough one. I get a sick feeling in my stomach just reading about this. I don't know how you solve this problem. Good luck!

Why do you get sick?

Dealing with cheap ass people at work or charity events just gets old. I have the means and ability to deal with the mundane petty stuff so I take care of it.

Not going waste emotional or intellectual capital arguing over it. Also the amount of money I make in an hour isn’t going to justify me chasing people down for incremental amounts of money.

Yes, that's your choice. If I were OP's husband, it wouldn't make me sick because it would be my choice to do it. But what makes me feel sick is that OP has no control over something that her husband chooses to do. I've been in a similar situation where money was really short and dh chose to be magnanimous without asking me about it first. I'm the one who had to deal with the shortfall that he was so happy to add to - it didn't keep him awake at night. Just me.

[Anonymous]

"Honey, I love what a generous person you are, and how you take action in projects. These are great qualities I appreciate about you. There's something I need your help with. I feel really stressed about the amount of money you spent on our account. I know you expect some reimbursement, but I'm not comfortable with how that goes. Going forward, in the future, can you talk to me before you spend more than (whatever you think is reasonable) from our account for other people/projects, even if you expect to be reimbursed?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're ready to leave your husband over being essentially like a generous person?

Is this dramatically and negatively impacting the family finances?

She said it is.

[Anonymous]

I could not be married to a push over. A person who is easily taken advantage of is not for me. We do very well financially so $1k wouldn't break us, but it doesn't matter. It's our money. Part of the reason we have so much of it is that we don't piss it away. That includes unpaid loans.

[Anonymous]

OP - you budget for this. You and he budget for this kind of thing. It doesn't matter if it's right or wrong. This is who he is. For the figures/examples you're giving us, it's not worth you being so annoyed.

[Anonymous]

It may be helping his career in ways you don't understand

[Anonymous]

Then your husband shouldn’t have a credit card. Seriously. It is that simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It may be helping his career in ways you don't understand

It’s not.

Otherwise they wouldn’t be going broke trying to come up with the money. If this guy was making bank I guarantee you this would be a nonissue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Honey, I love what a generous person you are, and how you take action in projects. These are great qualities I appreciate about you. There's something I need your help with. I feel really stressed about the amount of money you spent on our account. I know you expect some reimbursement, but I'm not comfortable with how that goes. Going forward, in the future, can you talk to me before you spend more than (whatever you think is reasonable) from our account for other people/projects, even if you expect to be reimbursed?"

And what if he says “No.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could separate your finances or set rules together.

I wouldn't divorce over this.

His people-pleasing is a double edged sword and probably one of the things that really attracted you to him. It's got to benefit you often in other contexts. This is the trade off.

This. Sounds like he’s a really nice guy. I’d hang in to him. This is a problem that can be worked out.

He doesn’t sound like a nice guy. Nice guys care about their families. This guy cares about appearances and looking good to other people. He doesn’t care if his wife and child pay the price as long as he looks good to the outside world.

Not a nice guy at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could separate your finances or set rules together.

I wouldn't divorce over this.

His people-pleasing is a double edged sword and probably one of the things that really attracted you to him. It's got to benefit you often in other contexts. This is the trade off.

This. Sounds like he’s a really nice guy. I’d hang in to him. This is a problem that can be worked out.

He doesn’t sound like a nice guy. Nice guys care about their families. This guy cares about appearances and looking good to other people. He doesn’t care if his wife and child pay the price as long as he looks good to the outside world.

Not a nice guy at all.

You’re adding a lot of assumptions to the situation. And several posters are adding a lot of drama. She didn’t say they can’t pay their mortgage or they’re going into debt over it. She said it’s a problem. And it sounds like something that can be addressed and resolved.

This relationship forum is nuts. So much bad advice on so many threads. See a marriage counselor, OP.