If you are a socially aggressive mean mom, why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's not socially aggressive. Maybe your kids are boring.

My daughter will work with one girl on group projects but won't otherwise hang out with her. That girl doesn't go anywhere but school without her entire family, and has zero sense of humor. The girls went to a movie and the mom sat right next to them. That was the last straw for DD. "If I wanted to hang out with a mother, I'd hang out with my own!"

Depending on the kids age, that's appropriate for the mom to be there.

They were in 7th grade. I apologized to DD when she told me. Had I known the mom intended to go I would have told her DD had been going to movies with just friends for two years already and if she wasn't comfortable with that maybe they should find a different activity to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's not socially aggressive. Maybe your kids are boring.

My daughter will work with one girl on group projects but won't otherwise hang out with her. That girl doesn't go anywhere but school without her entire family, and has zero sense of humor. The girls went to a movie and the mom sat right next to them. That was the last straw for DD. "If I wanted to hang out with a mother, I'd hang out with my own!"

Depending on the kids age, that's appropriate for the mom to be there.

They were in 7th grade. I apologized to DD when she told me. Had I known the mom intended to go I would have told her DD had been going to movies with just friends for two years already and if she wasn't comfortable with that maybe they should find a different activity to do.

Seriously?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've never been part of an "exclusive" group and some of the mom's at my kids' private won't even acknowledge my presence. The kids of these moms by in large act like they rule the school and run around in packs and largely exclude my DC. My kids do very well in school and are extremely polite. We are also full pay.

Since this is an anonymous forum, would any mean mom like to chime in and explain why? I mean what drives you to be socially aggressive?

Why do you think everything is about you? Why do you think I need to spend my time individually paying attention to every kid and every kid's parent at school? People are busy! I barely have time for my long-time friends, much less picking up a new one that I don't know, and maybe don't like. Your reaction to this situation is painfully juvenile.

People who are raised with manners understand that there's such a thing as social obligation. If you are a guest at a dinner party, you have a social obligation to make polite conversation with the people around you and not sit like a bump on a log. If you are in a group of people most of whom know each other and there are one or two people who clearly don't know the group, you have a social obligation to include them. If you are in a circle of people talking and someone else walks up, you have a social obligation to expand the circle to include them. You don't have to become friends, you don't have to ever see them again, but you observe social niceties. This kind of thing seems lost on many northerners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's not socially aggressive. Maybe your kids are boring.

My daughter will work with one girl on group projects but won't otherwise hang out with her. That girl doesn't go anywhere but school without her entire family, and has zero sense of humor. The girls went to a movie and the mom sat right next to them. That was the last straw for DD. "If I wanted to hang out with a mother, I'd hang out with my own!"

Depending on the kids age, that's appropriate for the mom to be there.

They were in 7th grade. I apologized to DD when she told me. Had I known the mom intended to go I would have told her DD had been going to movies with just friends for two years already and if she wasn't comfortable with that maybe they should find a different activity to do.

Seriously?

Dp. Seriously, PP, you apologized to your DD for having to endure a mom's company during a movie? The suffering! Are you trying to cultivate a mean girl?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's not socially aggressive. Maybe your kids are boring.

My daughter will work with one girl on group projects but won't otherwise hang out with her. That girl doesn't go anywhere but school without her entire family, and has zero sense of humor. The girls went to a movie and the mom sat right next to them. That was the last straw for DD. "If I wanted to hang out with a mother, I'd hang out with my own!"

Depending on the kids age, that's appropriate for the mom to be there.

They were in 7th grade. I apologized to DD when she told me. Had I known the mom intended to go I would have told her DD had been going to movies with just friends for two years already and if she wasn't comfortable with that maybe they should find a different activity to do.

Seriously?

Dp. Seriously, PP, you apologized to your DD for having to endure a mom's company during a movie? The suffering! Are you trying to cultivate a mean girl?

She's in 11th grade now, and most definitely NOT a meal girl. She just didn't want to hang out with a mom, with her friends. In 7th grade, they were all about going places without adults.

[Anonymous]

Why would you stay in an environment like that? Why would you want your kids around people like that? Why would you give your money to a school that encourages that behavior. I would leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've never been part of an "exclusive" group and some of the mom's at my kids' private won't even acknowledge my presence. The kids of these moms by in large act like they rule the school and run around in packs and largely exclude my DC. My kids do very well in school and are extremely polite. We are also full pay.

Since this is an anonymous forum, would any mean mom like to chime in and explain why? I mean what drives you to be socially aggressive?

Why do you think everything is about you? Why do you think I need to spend my time individually paying attention to every kid and every kid's parent at school? People are busy! I barely have time for my long-time friends, much less picking up a new one that I don't know, and maybe don't like. Your reaction to this situation is painfully juvenile.

People who are raised with manners understand that there's such a thing as social obligation. If you are a guest at a dinner party, you have a social obligation to make polite conversation with the people around you and not sit like a bump on a log. If you are in a group of people most of whom know each other and there are one or two people who clearly don't know the group, you have a social obligation to include them. If you are in a circle of people talking and someone else walks up, you have a social obligation to expand the circle to include them. You don't have to become friends, you don't have to ever see them again, but you observe social niceties. This kind of thing seems lost on many northerners.

I dont know about the northerner comment but its common kindness. If someone's always been included, you include them. If someone looks lost or alone, you introduce yourself and try to make them feel comfortable. It's not that hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I'm socially aggressive but I like what I like. I have nice stuff and gravitate towards others who do. I like my kids to hang out with the kids off my friends bc it just makes it easier to socialize. When they are older and if our kids become friends, of course I will be friendly to you. Until then, I'll do my thing and won't think about you.

Like what?

Just one small example, I like to make really nice gift baskets to the sister school we support. If your donation is just sad cast-offs, I don't really think we'll be great pals.

I have nice stuff ... like this donated gift basket.

Hahaha WTH loser basket mom?

[Anonymous]

I think sometimes these moms have a million friends and it never crosses their mind that you don’t also have lots of friends and a super busy life.

There is a queen bee mom in my neighborhood who is nice to me, but is never going to invite me to something sans kids. There is a large group of moms in my neighborhood who have a monthly get together they call “club night”. I was invited once and I went. I thought I was fun and interesting, but I was never invited again. Queen bee mentions “club” all the time. Like “oh do you know Larla? She is in club too”. I don’t know how she doesn’t realize that A) I’m not in their club B) it’s hurtful every time she reminds me that apparently all of the friendships and social organizing in the neighborhood formed 2 years before we bought our house and that no many how many things I volunteer for, I will never break in.

[Anonymous]

We’re at a private international school overseas, and I’m sure some people would lump me in with the clique-y moms. I spend a lot of time with a core group of women who have been here for decades and welcomed me into expat life over here. We are also in our location for the long run.

Many other families come & go every year, and I’ve found it too exhausting to invest time in building a friendship with someone who only has a 1 or 2 year time horizon. While I’m polite to new families, it won’t go further than banal chatter unless it is clear that they are also making a commitment to stay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's not socially aggressive. Maybe your kids are boring.

My daughter will work with one girl on group projects but won't otherwise hang out with her. That girl doesn't go anywhere but school without her entire family, and has zero sense of humor. The girls went to a movie and the mom sat right next to them. That was the last straw for DD. "If I wanted to hang out with a mother, I'd hang out with my own!"

Depending on the kids age, that's appropriate for the mom to be there.

They were in 7th grade. I apologized to DD when she told me. Had I known the mom intended to go I would have told her DD had been going to movies with just friends for two years already and if she wasn't comfortable with that maybe they should find a different activity to do.

Seriously?

Dp. Seriously, PP, you apologized to your DD for having to endure a mom's company during a movie? The suffering! Are you trying to cultivate a mean girl?

She's in 11th grade now, and most definitely NOT a meal girl. She just didn't want to hang out with a mom, with her friends. In 7th grade, they were all about going places without adults.

I have an 8th grader who just went to the movies with his friend and his friends' mom--because she wanted to see the movie too. She offered to sit elsewhere, and both boys declined the offer...because they're not a$$holes. There isn't really any interacting during the movie anyway. Unless, of course, you're an a$$hole who talks during the movie?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I'm socially aggressive but I like what I like. I have nice stuff and gravitate towards others who do. I like my kids to hang out with the kids off my friends bc it just makes it easier to socialize. When they are older and if our kids become friends, of course I will be friendly to you. Until then, I'll do my thing and won't think about you.

Me too! Designer clothes! An expensive car! Huge well decorated house! Desirable zip code! Great hair! Use a lot of exclamation points! Squeal when I see friends!

And a Birkin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I'm socially aggressive but I like what I like. I have nice stuff and gravitate towards others who do. I like my kids to hang out with the kids off my friends bc it just makes it easier to socialize. When they are older and if our kids become friends, of course I will be friendly to you. Until then, I'll do my thing and won't think about you.

Me too! Designer clothes! An expensive car! Huge well decorated house! Desirable zip code! Great hair! Use a lot of exclamation points! Squeal when I see friends!

I hope you drive a Suburban.

Of course! It has to be Suburban! They're the greatest! I love mine!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

People who are raised with manners understand that there's such a thing as social obligation. If you are a guest at a dinner party, you have a social obligation to make polite conversation with the people around you and not sit like a bump on a log. If you are in a group of people most of whom know each other and there are one or two people who clearly don't know the group, you have a social obligation to include them. If you are in a circle of people talking and someone else walks up, you have a social obligation to expand the circle to include them. You don't have to become friends, you don't have to ever see them again, but you observe social niceties. This kind of thing seems lost on many northerners.

I dont know about the northerner comment but its common kindness. If someone's always been included, you include them. If someone looks lost or alone, you introduce yourself and try to make them feel comfortable. It's not that hard.

Agree. I would also add, don't talk loudly about social events that you had or will have in front of people not invited. Why haven't adults learned that? My 8 yo knows better than to talk about her birthday party with kids she didn't invite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's not socially aggressive. Maybe your kids are boring.

My daughter will work with one girl on group projects but won't otherwise hang out with her. That girl doesn't go anywhere but school without her entire family, and has zero sense of humor. The girls went to a movie and the mom sat right next to them. That was the last straw for DD. "If I wanted to hang out with a mother, I'd hang out with my own!"

Depending on the kids age, that's appropriate for the mom to be there.

They were in 7th grade. I apologized to DD when she told me. Had I known the mom intended to go I would have told her DD had been going to movies with just friends for two years already and if she wasn't comfortable with that maybe they should find a different activity to do.

Seriously?

Dp. Seriously, PP, you apologized to your DD for having to endure a mom's company during a movie? The suffering! Are you trying to cultivate a mean girl?

She's in 11th grade now, and most definitely NOT a meal girl. She just didn't want to hang out with a mom, with her friends. In 7th grade, they were all about going places without adults.

I have an 8th grader who just went to the movies with his friend and his friends' mom--because she wanted to see the movie too. She offered to sit elsewhere, and both boys declined the offer...because they're not a$$holes. There isn't really any interacting during the movie anyway. Unless, of course, you're an a$$hole who talks during the movie?

Pretty sure I like you and your 8th grader — and his friend!