If you are a socially aggressive mean mom, why?

[Anonymous]

I've never been part of an "exclusive" group and some of the mom's at my kids' private won't even acknowledge my presence. The kids of these moms by in large act like they rule the school and run around in packs and largely exclude my DC. My kids do very well in school and are extremely polite. We are also full pay.

Since this is an anonymous forum, would any mean mom like to chime in and explain why? I mean what drives you to be socially aggressive?

[Anonymous]

That's not socially aggressive. Maybe your kids are boring.

My daughter will work with one girl on group projects but won't otherwise hang out with her. That girl doesn't go anywhere but school without her entire family, and has zero sense of humor. The girls went to a movie and the mom sat right next to them. That was the last straw for DD. "If I wanted to hang out with a mother, I'd hang out with my own!"

[Anonymous]

This happens in all schools and has been going on for forever. Some people form exclusive cliques. Have your kids find their own group of friends.

[Anonymous]

In general, the women who people perceive to be exclusive don't usually intend that. They are doing their thing with their friends with whom they are close. Their kids have been together for a long time because the moms are friends so they spend a lot of time together.

Which is not to say that they should not be more welcoming -- they should be. But I think often it's not about intentionally leaving anyone out as it is about being oblivious and not really giving much thought to how they are perceived and the vibe they give off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In general, the women who people perceive to be exclusive don't usually intend that. They are doing their thing with their friends with whom they are close. Their kids have been together for a long time because the moms are friends so they spend a lot of time together.

Which is not to say that they should not be more welcoming -- they should be. But I think often it's not about intentionally leaving anyone out as it is about being oblivious and not really giving much thought to how they are perceived and the vibe they give off.

This. Plus these kids are older so parents aren't really getting involved in their kids social lives. I doubt it has anything to do with the moms being "mean" but the girls being cliquey. Which existed for forever.

[Anonymous]

My kids aren’t at a private school, but I see this kind of insecure projection in other venues. There was a discussion this summer on dcum regarding swim teams. People were convinced that they are intentionally socially excluded because their kids aren’t A meet swimmers. The truth is that people gravitate towards others with whom they have shared time and experiences.

I don’t see anything socially aggressive in what you describe. The fact that you think that being full pay should give you a social boost may indicate a problem with your outlook.

[Anonymous]

As in IRL- no one admits they are socially aggressive but everyone knows people who are.

Come on- someone be honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's not socially aggressive. Maybe your kids are boring.

My daughter will work with one girl on group projects but won't otherwise hang out with her. That girl doesn't go anywhere but school without her entire family, and has zero sense of humor. The girls went to a movie and the mom sat right next to them. That was the last straw for DD. "If I wanted to hang out with a mother, I'd hang out with my own!"

Well, there's your answer OP. Want to hang out with that? Count your blessings lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's not socially aggressive. Maybe your kids are boring.

My daughter will work with one girl on group projects but won't otherwise hang out with her. That girl doesn't go anywhere but school without her entire family, and has zero sense of humor. The girls went to a movie and the mom sat right next to them. That was the last straw for DD. "If I wanted to hang out with a mother, I'd hang out with my own!"

Well, there's your answer OP. Want to hang out with that? Count your blessings lol

OP here that's weird. I'm not talking about those situations. I'm talking about moms that are socially aggressive because they can be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's not socially aggressive. Maybe your kids are boring.

My daughter will work with one girl on group projects but won't otherwise hang out with her. That girl doesn't go anywhere but school without her entire family, and has zero sense of humor. The girls went to a movie and the mom sat right next to them. That was the last straw for DD. "If I wanted to hang out with a mother, I'd hang out with my own!"

Well, there's your answer OP. Want to hang out with that? Count your blessings lol

OP here that's weird. I'm not talking about those situations. I'm talking about moms that are socially aggressive because they can be.

What's a specific example?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's not socially aggressive. Maybe your kids are boring.

My daughter will work with one girl on group projects but won't otherwise hang out with her. That girl doesn't go anywhere but school without her entire family, and has zero sense of humor. The girls went to a movie and the mom sat right next to them. That was the last straw for DD. "If I wanted to hang out with a mother, I'd hang out with my own!"

Well, there's your answer OP. Want to hang out with that? Count your blessings lol

+1

You and your daughter sound like a real treat!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As in IRL- no one admits they are socially aggressive but everyone knows people who are.

Come on- someone be honest.

Nothing in the original post suggests any kind of aggression, so it’s unclear what people are supposed to be admitting.

[Anonymous]

I don't think I'm socially aggressive but I like what I like. I have nice stuff and gravitate towards others who do. I like my kids to hang out with the kids off my friends bc it just makes it easier to socialize. When they are older and if our kids become friends, of course I will be friendly to you. Until then, I'll do my thing and won't think about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I'm socially aggressive but I like what I like. I have nice stuff and gravitate towards others who do. I like my kids to hang out with the kids off my friends bc it just makes it easier to socialize. When they are older and if our kids become friends, of course I will be friendly to you. Until then, I'll do my thing and won't think about you.

Like what?

[Anonymous]

OP, if you are feeling insecure about these types of situations, here's the only solution that really works:

Work on your own village. Cultivate and strengthen your own friendships. When you feel secure in your own relationships, you will not notice or care about this stuff, I promise you.