Immaturity: Question for Women Only

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think of course not everyone fits this but generally women are a few years ahead of men. I think this is basically all to do with childbearing.

Women have to be ready for children by 30 or so. I mean maybe not ready to have them but you need to be focused on creating a stable life by them if you want an easy and reliable chance to have kids. Biology forces this reality. Men don't have this so there's less of a deadline to meet.

There's no way to really account for how different this is as you grow up. Women know they have to get a lot done by a certain time, especially if they also want a career etc.. Men don't, and both sexes grow up knowing this even if they aren't always thinking about it.

I think this is why it evens out after 35 or so. Most men have gotten married and pulled up to speed by a woman who knows they can't wait around forever. Once the guy has a mortgage and kids he's on the same track.

This really isn't a criticism of men, more like envy. They have a lot more freedom and less stress in their 20s and 30s.

I don't know, maybe this was it for women in the past. Nowadays for younger women it's about spray tans, duck lips, tattoo's, insta photo's.

In fact I see a few men now taking on the brunt of childcare while the wife who is the breadwinner is out drinking a few nights a week. I see a lot of men at work taking on a majority of the childcare duties and working full time. I'm not saying it is the norm, there are a ton of mature women but I don't think they are as mature as they use to be and that's probably because they use to be managing the family whereas now it may not be the case.

For instance 19 year old niece just announced she is getting married. She and her fiance are not employed but she is going to start having babies straight away. She wants five. She spends all her money on clothes, make-up, nails and spray tans. 22 year nephew has bought a house and is doing well in his chosen career. I'm not saying this is all women, I'm just saying it is more common for women to be just as immature as what the men use to be labelled.

Ok grandma . I think duck lips stopped being a thing like a decade ago but I dunno, I don't keep up with the kids these days as well.

I said in my very first sentence that not everyone fits this. There is no way to effectively generalize an entire gender.

On average women mature more quickly then men, ask any high school teacher. That doesn't mean there are no mature boys or immature girls, its just a trend.

You seem to not like your niece and have a pretty rudimentary understanding of modern culture so I'll take this with a grain of salt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yup.

I have boy/girl twins - seeing how different they are emotionally and develpmentally has mad me kinder to my husband. Men and women really are fundamentally different.

This! I see the same difference in my two toddler grandchildren. I did a lot of hiring during my career and generally the men didn’t have their shit together until their mid 30’s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That is, a few years older than me actually, yet, I’m at the point of intolerance of his immaturity. He refuses life coaches or couples therapy or the like. Now, his immature ways are interfering with raising our son. E.g. I asked my son this evening: what did you do at school today? Dh responds right away: nothing!
in a cheerful manner as if it’s a fun joke. I don't get it. Resentment increasing...

This is your husband’s personality. Being an unpaid comedian doesn’t make him immature. It sounds like you two have a different sense of humor. You want him to be more serious. He wants you to lighten up and roll with the punchlines.

I’m OP. How about watching adult comedians at bedtime, while knowing the kid has a habit of sneaking out of his room to check on what daddy is watching. The kid plays a spy quite often like that and is often *very* happy about his success catching daddy watching whatever “inappropriate movie”— scary endless zombies, blood-covered superheroes that swear and kill right and left, etc etc (Yes, I’ve got two comedians total at home).

Then *I* get to explain away all the wonderful new words or killings the kid overhears or sneak-peaks.

And I asked DH multiple times to move the TV out of the living room (essentially, to an inaccessible to the kid and sound-proof mancave-whatever)...

In my personal experience, it’s just rare for men to be more mature than women, even as I consider my own posts a bit immature as a mature woman would be able to handle all well. Anyways, thanks for listening to today’s rant. I have not figured out a way to bridge the gap, but it is getting more and more annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup.

I have boy/girl twins - seeing how different they are emotionally and develpmentally has mad me kinder to my husband. Men and women really are fundamentally different.

This! I see the same difference in my two toddler grandchildren. I did a lot of hiring during my career and generally the men didn’t have their shit together until their mid 30’s.

For some, it maybe a forever deal. Best,
Op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is, a few years older than me actually, yet, I’m at the point of intolerance of his immaturity. He refuses life coaches or couples therapy or the like. Now, his immature ways are interfering with raising our son. E.g. I asked my son this evening: what did you do at school today? Dh responds right away: nothing!
in a cheerful manner as if it’s a fun joke. I don't get it. Resentment increasing...

What does this have to do with your dh? It’s a response that many kids - both boys and girls - of a certain age give their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That is, a few years older than me actually, yet, I’m at the point of intolerance of his immaturity. He refuses life coaches or couples therapy or the like. Now, his immature ways are interfering with raising our son. E.g. I asked my son this evening: what did you do at school today? Dh responds right away: nothing!
in a cheerful manner as if it’s a fun joke. I don't get it. Resentment increasing...

What does this have to do with your dh? It’s a response that many kids - both boys and girls - of a certain age give their parents.

Right. But not my son until of course clown daddy sets an example.

[Anonymous]

My DH who is more even keeled and mature than I am in many ways, still manages to make incredibly stupid sexual teenage jokes that he legitimately thinks are funny. They are so dumb that they are not even worth responding to and I just want him to shut up. It's so weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH who is more even keeled and mature than I am in many ways, still manages to make incredibly stupid sexual teenage jokes that he legitimately thinks are funny. They are so dumb that they are not even worth responding to and I just want him to shut up. It's so weird.

- What drives me close to mad is when immaturity plays out in front of my DS. Parenting is difficult as it is, plus you have to undo whatever dumbness brought upon by immaturity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think of course not everyone fits this but generally women are a few years ahead of men. I think this is basically all to do with childbearing.

Women have to be ready for children by 30 or so. I mean maybe not ready to have them but you need to be focused on creating a stable life by them if you want an easy and reliable chance to have kids. Biology forces this reality. Men don't have this so there's less of a deadline to meet.

There's no way to really account for how different this is as you grow up. Women know they have to get a lot done by a certain time, especially if they also want a career etc.. Men don't, and both sexes grow up knowing this even if they aren't always thinking about it.

I think this is why it evens out after 35 or so. Most men have gotten married and pulled up to speed by a woman who knows they can't wait around forever. Once the guy has a mortgage and kids he's on the same track.

This really isn't a criticism of men, more like envy. They have a lot more freedom and less stress in their 20s and 30s.

I don't know, maybe this was it for women in the past. Nowadays for younger women it's about spray tans, duck lips, tattoo's, insta photo's.

In fact I see a few men now taking on the brunt of childcare while the wife who is the breadwinner is out drinking a few nights a week. I see a lot of men at work taking on a majority of the childcare duties and working full time. I'm not saying it is the norm, there are a ton of mature women but I don't think they are as mature as they use to be and that's probably because they use to be managing the family whereas now it may not be the case.

For instance 19 year old niece just announced she is getting married. She and her fiance are not employed but she is going to start having babies straight away. She wants five. She spends all her money on clothes, make-up, nails and spray tans. 22 year nephew has bought a house and is doing well in his chosen career. I'm not saying this is all women, I'm just saying it is more common for women to be just as immature as what the men use to be labelled.

Ok grandma . I think duck lips stopped being a thing like a decade ago but I dunno, I don't keep up with the kids these days as well.

I said in my very first sentence that not everyone fits this. There is no way to effectively generalize an entire gender.

On average women mature more quickly then men, ask any high school teacher. That doesn't mean there are no mature boys or immature girls, its just a trend.

You seem to not like your niece and have a pretty rudimentary understanding of modern culture so I'll take this with a grain of salt.

Well women get lip fillers now which looks permanently like duck lips and it's very much a thing. 19 year old niece has them, a lot of young women are getting lip fillers, in fact I saw a news article about a woman that had an allergic reaction to them and her whole mouth puffed up. Duck lips, fillers, botox call it what you want.

I would like my niece more if she bothered to see her grandfather when he was in hospital and intensive care for 2 months. But she was too busy, doesn't work, doesn't go to school but she was too busy and they helped raise her. I liked the photo on facebook the other day the one staring blankly at the phone in the drivers seat whilst driving - how cool. And the next five photo's in her bedroom staring blankly at the phone, not even smiling just staring, same look photo after photo after photo. I guess the make up was nice. She could have gone to see her grandfather or even just called her grandmother to see how she was, but oh well this is more important.

Nephew visited FIL in hospital and offered to help MIL with mowing the lawn despite the fact that he holds a full time job. He just bought his first property and is helping to pay for his sisters engagement party and wedding. Parents can't afford it.

These aren't kids, they are adults 20 years of age. Perhaps young kids are different but roll your eyes all you like. We disagree so what it's just an opinion. I see plenty of men buying property, travelling and getting careers. So girls in school may mature more quickly I just see something different happening in their 20's and beyond.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think of course not everyone fits this but generally women are a few years ahead of men. I think this is basically all to do with childbearing.

Women have to be ready for children by 30 or so. I mean maybe not ready to have them but you need to be focused on creating a stable life by them if you want an easy and reliable chance to have kids. Biology forces this reality. Men don't have this so there's less of a deadline to meet.

There's no way to really account for how different this is as you grow up. Women know they have to get a lot done by a certain time, especially if they also want a career etc.. Men don't, and both sexes grow up knowing this even if they aren't always thinking about it.

I think this is why it evens out after 35 or so. Most men have gotten married and pulled up to speed by a woman who knows they can't wait around forever. Once the guy has a mortgage and kids he's on the same track.

This really isn't a criticism of men, more like envy. They have a lot more freedom and less stress in their 20s and 30s.

I don't know, maybe this was it for women in the past. Nowadays for younger women it's about spray tans, duck lips, tattoo's, insta photo's.

In fact I see a few men now taking on the brunt of childcare while the wife who is the breadwinner is out drinking a few nights a week. I see a lot of men at work taking on a majority of the childcare duties and working full time. I'm not saying it is the norm, there are a ton of mature women but I don't think they are as mature as they use to be and that's probably because they use to be managing the family whereas now it may not be the case.

For instance 19 year old niece just announced she is getting married. She and her fiance are not employed but she is going to start having babies straight away. She wants five. She spends all her money on clothes, make-up, nails and spray tans. 22 year nephew has bought a house and is doing well in his chosen career. I'm not saying this is all women, I'm just saying it is more common for women to be just as immature as what the men use to be labelled.

Ok grandma . I think duck lips stopped being a thing like a decade ago but I dunno, I don't keep up with the kids these days as well.

I said in my very first sentence that not everyone fits this. There is no way to effectively generalize an entire gender.

On average women mature more quickly then men, ask any high school teacher. That doesn't mean there are no mature boys or immature girls, its just a trend.

You seem to not like your niece and have a pretty rudimentary understanding of modern culture so I'll take this with a grain of salt.

Well women get lip fillers now which looks permanently like duck lips and it's very much a thing. 19 year old niece has them, a lot of young women are getting lip fillers, in fact I saw a news article about a woman that had an allergic reaction to them and her whole mouth puffed up. Duck lips, fillers, botox call it what you want.

I would like my niece more if she bothered to see her grandfather when he was in hospital and intensive care for 2 months. But she was too busy, doesn't work, doesn't go to school but she was too busy and they helped raise her. I liked the photo on facebook the other day the one staring blankly at the phone in the drivers seat whilst driving - how cool. And the next five photo's in her bedroom staring blankly at the phone, not even smiling just staring, same look photo after photo after photo. I guess the make up was nice. She could have gone to see her grandfather or even just called her grandmother to see how she was, but oh well this is more important.

Nephew visited FIL in hospital and offered to help MIL with mowing the lawn despite the fact that he holds a full time job. He just bought his first property and is helping to pay for his sisters engagement party and wedding. Parents can't afford it.

These aren't kids, they are adults 20 years of age. Perhaps young kids are different but roll your eyes all you like. We disagree so what it's just an opinion. I see plenty of men buying property, travelling and getting careers. So girls in school may mature more quickly I just see something different happening in their 20's and beyond.

Of course - immature girls happen too. But the dominance is still with men it looks like.
I’m op. And I can keep going with examples. Don’t even get me started on finance, because we just got a sweet notice from irs, asking to pay back 40k essentially due to errors DH made and he would not let me check the filing then. Wish us good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think of course not everyone fits this but generally women are a few years ahead of men. I think this is basically all to do with childbearing.

Women have to be ready for children by 30 or so. I mean maybe not ready to have them but you need to be focused on creating a stable life by them if you want an easy and reliable chance to have kids. Biology forces this reality. Men don't have this so there's less of a deadline to meet.

There's no way to really account for how different this is as you grow up. Women know they have to get a lot done by a certain time, especially if they also want a career etc.. Men don't, and both sexes grow up knowing this even if they aren't always thinking about it.

I think this is why it evens out after 35 or so. Most men have gotten married and pulled up to speed by a woman who knows they can't wait around forever. Once the guy has a mortgage and kids he's on the same track.

This really isn't a criticism of men, more like envy. They have a lot more freedom and less stress in their 20s and 30s.

I don't know, maybe this was it for women in the past. Nowadays for younger women it's about spray tans, duck lips, tattoo's, insta photo's.

In fact I see a few men now taking on the brunt of childcare while the wife who is the breadwinner is out drinking a few nights a week. I see a lot of men at work taking on a majority of the childcare duties and working full time. I'm not saying it is the norm, there are a ton of mature women but I don't think they are as mature as they use to be and that's probably because they use to be managing the family whereas now it may not be the case.

For instance 19 year old niece just announced she is getting married. She and her fiance are not employed but she is going to start having babies straight away. She wants five. She spends all her money on clothes, make-up, nails and spray tans. 22 year nephew has bought a house and is doing well in his chosen career. I'm not saying this is all women, I'm just saying it is more common for women to be just as immature as what the men use to be labelled.

Ok grandma . I think duck lips stopped being a thing like a decade ago but I dunno, I don't keep up with the kids these days as well.

I said in my very first sentence that not everyone fits this. There is no way to effectively generalize an entire gender.

On average women mature more quickly then men, ask any high school teacher. That doesn't mean there are no mature boys or immature girls, its just a trend.

You seem to not like your niece and have a pretty rudimentary understanding of modern culture so I'll take this with a grain of salt.

Well women get lip fillers now which looks permanently like duck lips and it's very much a thing. 19 year old niece has them, a lot of young women are getting lip fillers, in fact I saw a news article about a woman that had an allergic reaction to them and her whole mouth puffed up. Duck lips, fillers, botox call it what you want.

I would like my niece more if she bothered to see her grandfather when he was in hospital and intensive care for 2 months. But she was too busy, doesn't work, doesn't go to school but she was too busy and they helped raise her. I liked the photo on facebook the other day the one staring blankly at the phone in the drivers seat whilst driving - how cool. And the next five photo's in her bedroom staring blankly at the phone, not even smiling just staring, same look photo after photo after photo. I guess the make up was nice. She could have gone to see her grandfather or even just called her grandmother to see how she was, but oh well this is more important.

Nephew visited FIL in hospital and offered to help MIL with mowing the lawn despite the fact that he holds a full time job. He just bought his first property and is helping to pay for his sisters engagement party and wedding. Parents can't afford it.

These aren't kids, they are adults 20 years of age. Perhaps young kids are different but roll your eyes all you like. We disagree so what it's just an opinion. I see plenty of men buying property, travelling and getting careers. So girls in school may mature more quickly I just see something different happening in their 20's and beyond.

Of course - immature girls happen too. But the dominance is still with men it looks like.
I’m op. And I can keep going with examples. Don’t even get me started on finance, because we just got a sweet notice from irs, asking to pay back 40k essentially due to errors DH made and he would not let me check the filing then. Wish us good luck.

I'm sure we could both keep going, lol. Let's not sounds exhausting. Sucks about the IRS, good luck with that, hopefully you'll work something out.

[Anonymous]

Yep - just hand over my savings. Because I checked, and irs is right. And bye bye my own immature real estate investment ambition.

[Anonymous]

Cranky day. Good night everyone. Tomorrow will be better.

[Anonymous]

A resounding yes.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes I feel like my DH is 17—mostly self-sufficient, but has to be prompted to help around the house, fights with tween DS, and often moody/sulky about not having enough “fun” time.