For women who didn't change their names, but gave their children their husband's last name...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Help me understand why most women who choose not to change their names when they get married still choose to give their children their husband's last name? It just seems like if you choose to give up an old tradition of taking your husband's last name, why would you choose your husband's last name for your children? I'm not criticizing. Really. I'm just trying to understand...

I have never understood refusing to take your husband’s last name as you s have a man’s name as your surname.

Um. My own name is my surname. It's not my father's name any more than it is my aunt's name. It's our family name. I was born with it, she was born with it, he was born with it. It's mine.

(And I'm a woman and now it is my son's.)

Right, it was your father's name and descended down the patriarchy. So, you were given a man's name when you were born. There's no shame in that, just understand that you're not really doing anything different by taking your husband's name.

DP. I’m not raging against the patriarchy, I just see no need to change my name when I get married. Men usually don’t so why should I.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our children have my name as their middle, my husbands as their last. So they have both names.

To me, this is the worst possible compromise and absolutely does not serve the purpose you think it does. No one cares or even knows people’s middle names.

[Anonymous]

Honestly it’s easier for hotel and airline reservations. DH can travel with them and it’s not like “who’s this strange man with the kids”.

[Anonymous]

Like many of the PPs, I didn't change my name because I had a well-established career and professional reputation. Plus (perhaps alone on this one) it was a hassle I didn't need.

My husband is an immigrant from a part of the world that is not super popular here. It's also not common or obvious to pronounce. He's always said, half-seriously, that he'd prefer to take my last name and same for our kids.

I didn't feel strongly about making a political point when I got married, and even less so when I had my kids. They have their dad's last name. Hyphenation would have been ridiculous given the length/pronunciation issues with our 2 names (plus that strikes me as Trying Too Hard unless you've got monosyllabic names that flow well.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Help me understand why most women who choose not to change their names when they get married still choose to give their children their husband's last name? It just seems like if you choose to give up an old tradition of taking your husband's last name, why would you choose your husband's last name for your children? I'm not criticizing. Really. I'm just trying to understand...

I have never understood refusing to take your husband’s last name as you s have a man’s name as your surname.

My surname is my name in the same way that my first name is my name. Once it was given to me when I was born, it became mine. It's the name I had for 30 years before I married dh. Why should I change it?

The protocol of naming infants is far more patriarchal than women changing their name as an adult. Defaulting to the man's last name for children is PARTICULARLY unfair if a couple with two different last names. and middle names don't count. No one knows or cares what people's middle names are.

On a side note, I think it's hysterical that a bunch of grown ass women are still holding on to their daddy's name like it was some kind of emblem of feminist power. Its so weird.

Prince was way more successful than ALL Y'ALL and he went by a SYMBOL for awhile. Get over yourself. Your career as a mid-level executive, or struggling academic, or non-profit/government G-whatever is not going to merit a chapter in a history book anytime soon, you don't have to be so self-important about your stupid name. Your identity is far deeper and more complex than your place in the alphabet. Please, stop making this a "thing" that is supposed to matter.

[Anonymous]

My DH has a last name that has been his moniker since college. While not unusual, he was teased mercilessly as a child. Think something along the lines of "spam" or "fuchs"- never ending fodder for elementary jokes. Even though it became a good thing later on, he is still super sensitive about it. He wasnt just teased because of his name because he was also chubby, weird, nerdy, and not very socially adept- it just gave them something else to tease him about.

I wont change my name professionally because Im not trying to have that conversation every time someone sees/hears my new last name (omg thats your last name! is it spelled like xxxxxxx?) but he would have been destroyed if our child didnt get his last name. It would have felt like a rejection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Help me understand why most women who choose not to change their names when they get married still choose to give their children their husband's last name? It just seems like if you choose to give up an old tradition of taking your husband's last name, why would you choose your husband's last name for your children? I'm not criticizing. Really. I'm just trying to understand...

I have never understood refusing to take your husband’s last name as you s have a man’s name as your surname.

My surname is my name in the same way that my first name is my name. Once it was given to me when I was born, it became mine. It's the name I had for 30 years before I married dh. Why should I change it?

The protocol of naming infants is far more patriarchal than women changing their name as an adult. Defaulting to the man's last name for children is PARTICULARLY unfair if a couple with two different last names. and middle names don't count. No one knows or cares what people's middle names are.

On a side note, I think it's hysterical that a bunch of grown ass women are still holding on to their daddy's name like it was some kind of emblem of feminist power. Its so weird.

Prince was way more successful than ALL Y'ALL and he went by a SYMBOL for awhile. Get over yourself. Your career as a mid-level executive, or struggling academic, or non-profit/government G-whatever is not going to merit a chapter in a history book anytime soon, you don't have to be so self-important about your stupid name. Your identity is far deeper and more complex than your place in the alphabet. Please, stop making this a "thing" that is supposed to matter.

LOL. I think you’re the only one making it a big deal. The rest of us are just living our life.

I’m also not sure how Prince fits in the discussion. Great singer, I never tried to live my life in his footsteps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly it’s easier for hotel and airline reservations. DH can travel with them and it’s not like “who’s this strange man with the kids”.

But what about when you travel with them? Isn’t your name different?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Help me understand why most women who choose not to change their names when they get married still choose to give their children their husband's last name? It just seems like if you choose to give up an old tradition of taking your husband's last name, why would you choose your husband's last name for your children? I'm not criticizing. Really. I'm just trying to understand...

I have never understood refusing to take your husband’s last name as you s have a man’s name as your surname.

Either you do understand but you claim ignorance because you want to troll people, or you really are ignorant and don't have the ability to see the world from others' perspectives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a bizarre question. I was born and given a name I liked, and one I became known by. I saw no reason to change it. My kids were given a name shortly after birth that included my husband’s last name, which is more melodious than mine. If they like it, they can keep it, or they can change it. Why is this very personal thing of interest to anyone else?

Don't pretend it is a bizarre question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

NP - They get their own identity with their own name at birth.

+1. I kept my identity, and my kids start off with their own identities.

So, women who choose to change their last name or children who are given their mothers' last names don't have their own identities? Some feminist you turned out to be!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I kept my maiden name because I was well established career-wise and my last name was part of my identity. Those reasons didn’t apply to my children.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll bite. I wasn't out to fight the patriarchy when I decided to keep my name. It just completely weirded me out to go by a completely different last name. Plus, my given name does not go well with my husband's last name.

TL;DR - didn't want a new last name so I kept mine.

Same. Plus I was known professionally by a certain name and didn’t want to deal with the paperwork.

[Anonymous]

Reasons I kept my own name:
1) I had professional degrees and connections with my name
2) too lazy to change it
3) would never remember to use the new name
4) husband has unique name and is in the same profession and I didn’t want everyone I met professionally to immediately associate me with him or vice versus

Reasons kids have his last name:
1) he cared more partly due to his affection for his father
2) I predominantly picked the first names, so that seemed fair
3) there are very few people with his last name and
the entire Jewish population of the village where his paternal ancestors from were killed by the nazis, so it seemed somehow symbolically important to help the name continue on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Help me understand why most women who choose not to change their names when they get married still choose to give their children their husband's last name? It just seems like if you choose to give up an old tradition of taking your husband's last name, why would you choose your husband's last name for your children? I'm not criticizing. Really. I'm just trying to understand...

I especially find this interesting when the women are SAHM’s, of which I know several.