SIL blocked invitation to family BBQ

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These responses are weird. I would be so upset too OP. That’s pretty mean.

Again, some more: Would you think it was "mean" if your neighbors, the Joneses, invited over your other neighbors, the Smiths? Or would you think...they're having an evening, maybe another time we'll have an evening with the Joneses, or all together?

It's not a family BBQ; it's people at a gathering.

But it's not the same. Siblings are not the same as neighbors.

Either way, it's not a party. Do you get it? It's a dinner. There is a difference.

[Anonymous]

Clearly, as evidenced by this thread, enough people in the world don't view this as problematic/a slight. So you must reasonably assume that your brother and his wife don't view "a dinner with family members" the same way that you do, which is that any number of related people gathering is a "family party/family BBQ."

AS EVIDENCED BY THIS THREAD, it's perfectly reasonable not to view this type of gathering the same way you do. So get over it, honestly, because it is not some grand slight; it's just that People Are Different From You.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These responses are weird. I would be so upset too OP. That’s pretty mean.

Again, some more: Would you think it was "mean" if your neighbors, the Joneses, invited over your other neighbors, the Smiths? Or would you think...they're having an evening, maybe another time we'll have an evening with the Joneses, or all together?

It's not a family BBQ; it's people at a gathering.

NP. My neighbors? No, not mean. My friends? No. My best friends in the whole world? Still no.

My siblings? Yes. I would be hurt.

Me too. And I’m an only child.

[Anonymous]

I have 4 brothers. I often see them one at a time. They see each other without me. If I had to invite all 4 families in order to see one, I’d see them a lot less because it’s easy to have one family over but a huge event to invite all of them at the same time. It’s meaningless.

[Anonymous]

Such snowflakes on here. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Op why don’t YOU host a bbq and invite the two families? I see a lot of people whining about not being invited but not doing the hard work of hosting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If all my siblings got together and I was the only one excluded, I would absolutely be sad. For whatever reason, SIL doesn't like OP and OP's brother isn't willing to make waves.

My husbands siblings get together in random groups all the time. The only thing that makes this weird is that it is Labor Day weekend. But why blame SIL and not the brother. Maybe the OPs brother needs to step up and help hosting and SIL is tired of doing all the work.

Or maybe OP is the only family with kids. Having kids changes the event. We are the only family with a kid in my husbands family and we understand that they have kid free get togethers (although it is not a cook out).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If all my siblings got together and I was the only one excluded, I would absolutely be sad. For whatever reason, SIL doesn't like OP and OP's brother isn't willing to make waves.

My husbands siblings get together in random groups all the time. The only thing that makes this weird is that it is Labor Day weekend. But why blame SIL and not the brother. Maybe the OPs brother needs to step up and help hosting and SIL is tired of doing all the work.

Or maybe OP is the only family with kids. Having kids changes the event. We are the only family with a kid in my husbands family and we understand that they have kid free get togethers (although it is not a cook out).

OK, but again some more...not everyone views everything the same way.

You say "Labor Day weekend" like it's some thing. It may be, to you and many others. It is...just nothing, pretty much, to me and to my family and to my ILs. It's not a "holiday" to us, it's just...a weekend and a free Monday attached to it. After a summer full of seeing people and vactions and whatnot, we usually don't have the steam to see it as anything other than that.

So it's entirely possible that OP's brother and her SIL just...don't see Labor Day weekend as A Thing.

I agree with you on the point that maybe SIL is just tired of bearing most of the weight of hosting. Brother can step up if he wants more people over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If all my siblings got together and I was the only one excluded, I would absolutely be sad. For whatever reason, SIL doesn't like OP and OP's brother isn't willing to make waves.

My husbands siblings get together in random groups all the time. The only thing that makes this weird is that it is Labor Day weekend. But why blame SIL and not the brother. Maybe the OPs brother needs to step up and help hosting and SIL is tired of doing all the work.

Or maybe OP is the only family with kids. Having kids changes the event. We are the only family with a kid in my husbands family and we understand that they have kid free get togethers (although it is not a cook out).

But...who cares if it IS a cook out? Why is it fine to want a kid-free sushi night or something, but the second it's a cook-out, it suddenly must be a family event, or it's rude?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op why don’t YOU host a bbq and invite the two families? I see a lot of people whining about not being invited but not doing the hard work of hosting.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 4 brothers. I often see them one at a time. They see each other without me. If I had to invite all 4 families in order to see one, I’d see them a lot less because it’s easy to have one family over but a huge event to invite all of them at the same time. It’s meaningless.

Same here. My sibs with kids the same age do things without me and my kids. My sibs don't usually invite me bar hopping because it's not my thing. I invite one of my sibs over more often because she has a flexible work schedule and it's easy. Sometimes we have big get-togethers and invite everyone. Not a big deal!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If all my siblings got together and I was the only one excluded, I would absolutely be sad. For whatever reason, SIL doesn't like OP and OP's brother isn't willing to make waves.

My husbands siblings get together in random groups all the time. The only thing that makes this weird is that it is Labor Day weekend. But why blame SIL and not the brother. Maybe the OPs brother needs to step up and help hosting and SIL is tired of doing all the work.

Or maybe OP is the only family with kids. Having kids changes the event. We are the only family with a kid in my husbands family and we understand that they have kid free get togethers (although it is not a cook out).

But...who cares if it IS a cook out? Why is it fine to want a kid-free sushi night or something, but the second it's a cook-out, it suddenly must be a family event, or it's rude?

I mean, it would be weird to have a kid-free family cookout. It's not a thing. Can you? Sure. Will people think it's strange? Yes.

Yet, I admit, I'm less likely to invite friends who have a ton of kids. If op has more than 3 kids, or has a kid with behavior problems, maybe they just weren't up to hosting that mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be similarly hurt, OP, if my siblings were having a Labor Day Weekend BBQ and I was the only sibling excluded. Ouch.

+1. It was deliberate since it was brought up and worse because it is a holiday. If they wanted you, they would have accommodated. It really isn’t that difficult to add a few extra servings to the extras they should have on hand for seconds anyway. Or even to ask each family to bring their favorite dish or something.

I’d be peeved and seriously put off. I don’t know more context, though. I’d have a word with my brother.

You'd have a word with your brother?? Bahahaha!

You sound extremly dramatic & lacking in any sense of self awareness.

Your post screamed me, I, me, I, me, I, me.

Don't worry that they have to make food for THREE extra people (that's a lot more than seconds) because it's for *ME*.

Don't worry that they may have something personal to discuss just between the two of them, because *I* want to go.

Don't worry that they really wanted to keep it small and intimate, because I don't care about anyone else's plans or feelings but *MY OWN*.

Don't worry that this had NOTHING to do with anyone disliking you, but because you're neurotic & self centered, you're going to take it personally anyway, because *I* want to be there (I'm beginning to sense a valid reason for the lack of an invitation).

Good grief, you're not 5 years old, we don't have to invite the whole class for birthday parties anymore.

What if they were discussing throwing you a surprise party & now you've gone and created all of this unnecessary tension, drama & turmoil, and they were only trying to do a nice thing for you... it would serve you right for acting so self centered.

You need to get over yourself and realize not everything is going to be about YOU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If all my siblings got together and I was the only one excluded, I would absolutely be sad. For whatever reason, SIL doesn't like OP and OP's brother isn't willing to make waves.

My husbands siblings get together in random groups all the time. The only thing that makes this weird is that it is Labor Day weekend. But why blame SIL and not the brother. Maybe the OPs brother needs to step up and help hosting and SIL is tired of doing all the work.

Or maybe OP is the only family with kids. Having kids changes the event. We are the only family with a kid in my husbands family and we understand that they have kid free get togethers (although it is not a cook out).

Agree that it could just be them getting together and no other issue. It could also be them purposefully excluding you. Does this happen a lot? How do they treat you otherwise?

I come from a large family and my siblings did purposefully exclude me due to one brother and SIL not wanting us around - we get along great with everyone else (though it really is down to my brother not stepping up and saying it's not ok). I let it go for years because I thought - just like all these other posters - that siblings should be able to get together separately. It got so bad that they stopped including us in major holidays, or let me know when relatives came to town. I would regularly invite them all over to our place and they "had other commitments". So it isn't just paranoia.

If it is a pattern, you might want to talk to your brother and let him know that you enjoy getting together and see if there is anything that is preventing it from happening on his end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If all my siblings got together and I was the only one excluded, I would absolutely be sad. For whatever reason, SIL doesn't like OP and OP's brother isn't willing to make waves.

My husbands siblings get together in random groups all the time. The only thing that makes this weird is that it is Labor Day weekend. But why blame SIL and not the brother. Maybe the OPs brother needs to step up and help hosting and SIL is tired of doing all the work.

Or maybe OP is the only family with kids. Having kids changes the event. We are the only family with a kid in my husbands family and we understand that they have kid free get togethers (although it is not a cook out).

But...who cares if it IS a cook out? Why is it fine to want a kid-free sushi night or something, but the second it's a cook-out, it suddenly must be a family event, or it's rude?

I mean, it would be weird to have a kid-free family cookout. It's not a thing. Can you? Sure. Will people think it's strange? Yes.

Yet, I admit, I'm less likely to invite friends who have a ton of kids. If op has more than 3 kids, or has a kid with behavior problems, maybe they just weren't up to hosting that mess.

Uh...what? You are very strange.

You do realize "grilling" or "cooking outdoors" does not have to involve hot dogs, yes? Tell me you know this. I've had plenty of adults-only meals cooked on the grill. Steak, anyone? Grilled fish, anyone?

It really is OK to have fun and spend time outdoors without children. Try it sometime.

-Mother of two