SIL blocked invitation to family BBQ

[Anonymous]

The wanted to have something simple at home.

No worry about how to split the bill, or complaining about someone inviting but not paying the bill when going out.

Are you children well behaved? I do avoid inviting a few people with poorly behaved children or sideline screaming parenting styles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be mad at your brother who didn't invite you. He's the one you have the issue with.

A married couple is a single unit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The wanted to have something simple at home.

No worry about how to split the bill, or complaining about someone inviting but not paying the bill when going out.

Are you children well behaved? I do avoid inviting a few people with poorly behaved children or sideline screaming parenting styles.

+1

[Anonymous]

I would probably be annoyed that they asked to come over to my house after a bbq I wasn’t invited to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would probably be annoyed that they asked to come over to my house after a bbq I wasn’t invited to.

Yes, this brother was looking to stir the pot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother is having my other brother over for a bbq this weekend. My brother texted me asking if they could stop by after the bbq. I asked where this bbq is and was told it is at my brother and SIL’s house. I asked my brother why we weren’t invited and he said my SIL wasn’t up for hosting a large group of people and my brother had suggested we all go out to dinner instead, but my SIL said no.

I feel hurt. I know my SIL and I are not close but I don’t think she would deliberately not want me an my husband and children to come to a family bbq at her house.

Your brother is being a jerk for blaming his wife and throwing her under the bus

[Anonymous]

My siblings get together all the time without me and I have never even thought to be offended. The more people who invite the harder it is to schedule, to meet everyone's needs, and the more work and clean up it is. It is also more kids and some kids get along better than others.

I also invite one of my siblings over and not the other. I can't imagine feeling that I can never see one without seeing all of them.

Would you also feel if you invited one set of parents, you wold also have to invite the other set?

That all is just strange to me. we do things with just some family all the time. It would be nightmare to plan everything with every family member every time and would probably mean we would rarely get together.

Thankfully my siblings and parents seem to be on the same page. It has never even come up but I can't imagine them being hurt that we all see each other without everyone present.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My siblings get together all the time without me and I have never even thought to be offended. The more people who invite the harder it is to schedule, to meet everyone's needs, and the more work and clean up it is. It is also more kids and some kids get along better than others.

I also invite one of my siblings over and not the other. I can't imagine feeling that I can never see one without seeing all of them.

Would you also feel if you invited one set of parents, you wold also have to invite the other set?

That all is just strange to me. we do things with just some family all the time. It would be nightmare to plan everything with every family member every time and would probably mean we would rarely get together.

Thankfully my siblings and parents seem to be on the same page. It has never even come up but I can't imagine them being hurt that we all see each other without everyone present.

But then do you (or your guest siblings) invite themselves over to the non-invited siblings house after the party/dinner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My siblings get together all the time without me and I have never even thought to be offended. The more people who invite the harder it is to schedule, to meet everyone's needs, and the more work and clean up it is. It is also more kids and some kids get along better than others.

I also invite one of my siblings over and not the other. I can't imagine feeling that I can never see one without seeing all of them.

Would you also feel if you invited one set of parents, you wold also have to invite the other set?

That all is just strange to me. we do things with just some family all the time. It would be nightmare to plan everything with every family member every time and would probably mean we would rarely get together.

Thankfully my siblings and parents seem to be on the same page. It has never even come up but I can't imagine them being hurt that we all see each other without everyone present.

But then do you (or your guest siblings) invite themselves over to the non-invited siblings house after the party/dinner?

Shrug. OP can say no. Either you want to see people, or you don't want to see people.

Oh, wait...but with you people, it's not about that. It's about bean-counting and entitlement.

[Anonymous]

There's a difference in hosting one family vs two. Not sure how big either family is in the OP. But having 2 adults and 1 child over is different than 4 adults and 3 kids. 3 vs 7 guests. Three people is double food and all fit at my table. 7 extra people means expanding the table, hauling up extra chairs, way more food. Completely different vibe. I wouldn't think this needs explained, but here we are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a difference in hosting one family vs two. Not sure how big either family is in the OP. But having 2 adults and 1 child over is different than 4 adults and 3 kids. 3 vs 7 guests. Three people is double food and all fit at my table. 7 extra people means expanding the table, hauling up extra chairs, way more food. Completely different vibe. I wouldn't think this needs explained, but here we are.

Well, regardless of views, your last sentence does need articles: needs TO BE explained. "Needs explained" is hill-people speak.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be mad at your brother who didn't invite you. He's the one you have the issue with.

This right here. Your brother didn't invite you. Deal with him.

dp True, but, what if the SIL really makes life difficult for brother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a difference in hosting one family vs two. Not sure how big either family is in the OP. But having 2 adults and 1 child over is different than 4 adults and 3 kids. 3 vs 7 guests. Three people is double food and all fit at my table. 7 extra people means expanding the table, hauling up extra chairs, way more food. Completely different vibe. I wouldn't think this needs explained, but here we are.

Well, regardless of views, your last sentence does need articles: needs TO BE explained. "Needs explained" is hill-people speak.

This is helpful to the conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a difference in hosting one family vs two. Not sure how big either family is in the OP. But having 2 adults and 1 child over is different than 4 adults and 3 kids. 3 vs 7 guests. Three people is double food and all fit at my table. 7 extra people means expanding the table, hauling up extra chairs, way more food. Completely different vibe. I wouldn't think this needs explained, but here we are.

ITA. Why does the OP think she's entitled to have any input into what type of gathering her brother and SIL host?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be mad at your brother who didn't invite you. He's the one you have the issue with.

This right here. Your brother didn't invite you. Deal with him.

dp True, but, what if the SIL really makes life difficult for brother?

At the end of the day, if the brother wants to see his siblings (all of them), he'll make plans and find a way to see them.

Either it's a priority to him, or it's not.

If I told my husband we wouldn't see his family over the holidays, but would only see my folks, for example, he would be like...NOPE. And he's super mild-mannered and usually leans toward doing what I want, because that's easiest.