SAHM with kids in school? Dealing with judgement?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I literally would say, “why would I work if I don’t need the money? YOLO.”

This is funny. I would only say this if I was pressed about it.

And yes unfortunately this isn’t a friend. I’ve had old friends who truly think they are helping or feel I’m wasting my degree, but they don’t have kids and don’t understand the grind. Let it roll off your back as much as you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I became a SAHM after being a working mother for 5 years and wow is it eye opening how differently some women will treat you.

We are not wealthy by DCUM standards (HHI of $200k) and have one child in an independent school, so one one income, things are tighter than they used to be, but we still contribute to both retirement accounts and save. We eat out a lot less and took 2 weeks of vacations this year instead of the 4 weeks did in the past. I also shop a lot less.

Based on these lifestyle changes, I've received many critical and intrusive comments from friends and acquaintances about our choices. What people don't know is that I have suffered for years from some debilitating mental health issues and this change has been life changing for our family. We are all happier and healthier than we've ever been. My DH and I have chosen to keep my personal health information private, but it would be nice if people could give other humans a little bit of grace.

One thing I noticed right away when I became a SAHM is that you cannot ever complain in any way about having a hard day. WOHM will not stand for it. I try to keep under the radar and not appear too perfect, because otherwise more people will have something nasty to say.

I quit my lucrative career to care for my husband who had disorders plus anger issues. Kids were 3 and 5 then. It saved our marriage and I do a lot in the side and work PT now. His anger went away, he can still hyper focus at his lucrative job well, the kids are thriving, I’m more multifaceted. Kids are safe and healthy, unlike what happened when I’d return from a two day biz trip or hear angry explosions.

People should just be supportive and find common ground. ESP when stuff doesn’t even affect them, at all.

[Anonymous]

Op, you need to be as stressed, spread thin and anxious as I am. Otherwise you're not contributing to society or providing a good role model .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I literally would say, “why would I work if I don’t need the money? YOLO.”

Because people most likely know that isn’t true.

I’m not sure what your background is, but this is true for many.

+1

Lots of seven figure incomes in the DC area.

My family doesn’t need the paltry 40-50k I could bring in with my liberal arts BA and lack of work experience.

I would never say that about the money to anyone because it’s the way immodest but it’s the truth. Shrug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not OP,
My daily schedule:
Monday:
Breakfast,pack Lunches, and walk kids to bus stop.
Dishes, clean house, laundry,make Lunch or dinner.
Read, take online class and rest.
Pick up kids from the bus stop and serve snacks and help with homework.
Drive kids to dance class and drive back home.
Dinner, dishes and and family time before kids take showers and get ready for bed. Read stories to my kindergarten and light out.
It's 8:30pm, clean up kitchen and set kids clothes for next day.
Take my shower and read more before bed! I am super tired by 10pm.

Happy reading and repeat and Rinse the rest of the week. Saturday and Sunday dh takes over. Thank God.

I’m a wohp and this schedule sounds incredibly luxurious to me. That being said, I have lots of friends who are SAHPs and have lots to deal with in their lives and juggling 2 full time jobs would be miserable for their families. I also think other families decisions aren’t usually my business and I refrain from judging with a few exceptions (like not vaccinating).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I literally would say, “why would I work if I don’t need the money? YOLO.”

Because people most likely know that isn’t true.

I’m not sure what your background is, but this is true for many.

So why does your husband have to continue to work?

Unsurprisingly, the SAHMs responding here have very poor writing skills and/or don’t seem to speak English as a first language. Therefore - less options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I literally would say, “why would I work if I don’t need the money? YOLO.”

Because people most likely know that isn’t true.

I’m not sure what your background is, but this is true for many.

Unsurprisingly, the SAHMs responding here have very poor writing skills and/or don’t seem to speak English as a first language. Therefore - less options.

Errr.... are we reading the same thread? Because I'm not seeing what you're claiming.

Every family does what works for them. So why are people judgmental about families where a parent stays at home?

[Anonymous]

What DO you do all day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But seriously, OP, what do you do all day? Do you have some sort of hobby or volunteer gig that takes up your time?

I’m a PP and I’ll repeat what I wrote above. Why is that anyone’s business how she chooses to spend her days?

Not PP but because I wonder what it’s like to not positively contribute to society one bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No! I’ve never felt judged, and certainly haven’t been aggressively questioned. I’ve only gotten “lucky!” remarks.

But, this lady sounds horrible, obviously she’s a head case, avoid for sure. Enjoy!

This. I usually just get “lucky!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not OP,
My daily schedule:
Monday:
Breakfast,pack Lunches, and walk kids to bus stop.
Dishes, clean house, laundry,make Lunch or dinner.
Read, take online class and rest.
Pick up kids from the bus stop and serve snacks and help with homework.
Drive kids to dance class and drive back home.
Dinner, dishes and and family time before kids take showers and get ready for bed. Read stories to my kindergarten and light out.
It's 8:30pm, clean up kitchen and set kids clothes for next day.
Take my shower and read more before bed! I am super tired by 10pm.

Happy reading and repeat and Rinse the rest of the week. Saturday and Sunday dh takes over. Thank God.

I’m a wohp and this schedule sounds incredibly luxurious to me. That being said, I have lots of friends who are SAHPs and have lots to deal with in their lives and juggling 2 full time jobs would be miserable for their families. I also think other families decisions aren’t usually my business and I refrain from judging with a few exceptions (like not vaccinating).

Some of us have husbands who can’t or won’t pitch in, but make plenty for us to SAH. I would be incredibly resentful if I had to work FT and do everything else too since DH frequently doesn’t get home until 7:30/8pm. If he wants me to work FT, he needs to get a standard 8-5 gig but he doesn’t want to. Instead, the “everything else” is my job and I don’t resent it. Works for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I literally would say, “why would I work if I don’t need the money? YOLO.”

Because people most likely know that isn’t true.

I’m not sure what your background is, but this is true for many.

So why does your husband have to continue to work?

Unsurprisingly, the SAHMs responding here have very poor writing skills and/or don’t seem to speak English as a first language. Therefore - less options.

It’s fewer options, genius.

—SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I literally would say, “why would I work if I don’t need the money? YOLO.”

Because people most likely know that isn’t true.

I’m not sure what your background is, but this is true for many.

Unsurprisingly, the SAHMs responding here have very poor writing skills and/or don’t seem to speak English as a first language. Therefore - less options.

Errr.... are we reading the same thread? Because I'm not seeing what you're claiming.

Every family does what works for them. So why are people judgmental about families where a parent stays at home?

Back to what PP’s we’re saying earlier, only on DCUM do people do this. It’s not a thing otherwise. (Except poor OP)

I never even knew people were judgmental about SAHM’s until I started reading this forum. I always said there are pluses and minuses to both, and bless us all bc were doing the best we can!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But seriously, OP, what do you do all day? Do you have some sort of hobby or volunteer gig that takes up your time?

I’m a PP and I’ll repeat what I wrote above. Why is that anyone’s business how she chooses to spend her days?

Not PP but because I wonder what it’s like to not positively contribute to society one bit.

NP - How do you know this, pp? If you don't know the circumstances of why a parent chooses to be a SAHP, what makes you so sure they are not positively contributing to society?

Let me answer this for you. Because we don't wear it like a badge. We all know the type of person that will let it be known to all how they make a difference in their communities. They are the same people who virtue signal, photo op on social media and judge others without facts. Ask me how I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I literally would say, “why would I work if I don’t need the money? YOLO.”

Because people most likely know that isn’t true.

I’m not sure what your background is, but this is true for many.

Unsurprisingly, the SAHMs responding here have very poor writing skills and/or don’t seem to speak English as a first language. Therefore - less options.

Errr.... are we reading the same thread? Because I'm not seeing what you're claiming.

Every family does what works for them. So why are people judgmental about families where a parent stays at home?

Mainly because there are that percentage of jealous people who wish they were in those circumstances. Hence the silly response OP received which she should ignore.

OP avoid that person and continue to be happy. Apparently that kills some people, lol.