Teen is all over his sister

[Anonymous]

I'm 47. My brother is 4 years older than me. You have described my childhood. My brother used to knock me around a lot (even broke bones). I NEVER told my parents or ANY adult for fear of repercussions from my brother. I kept thinking the more I did what he asked, the better it would get. The abuse didn't stop until he hit 15 and got his first girlfriend. He went on to also hit a few of his girlfriends along the way. Our parents were firmly in the 'let them work it out' camp. My relationships were fraught my whole life. I had to do a lot of therapy. Still not 100% emotionally healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talk to mom. Talk to bro *when* he’s mistreating sis. You’ll show sis that you have her back. Make sure she has your number because your friendship with mom may end.

"Put her down, Joe! She said no, that means you stop!" If the parents decide that's too harsh and don't want to hang out with you, fine that's their choice.

[Anonymous]

It sounds gross at this age for the boy. He's a teenager with hormones now, so no, it's no longer appropriate.

[Anonymous]

You need to call this in, OP. This is abuse and it is ridiculous to think it isn't. My kids are this age difference and your post makes me want to vomit. There is nothing that is okay about it.

It makes me sick. REPORT IT ASAP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds gross at this age for the boy. He's a teenager with hormones now, so no, it's no longer appropriate.

It wasn't appropriate for him to lay on her and kiss her a few years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so livid while reading this that I don’t even know if I can write.

Don’t you know ANYTHING about abused children, aoP?!?!? What the f is wrong with you???

Abused children don’t have to SEEM depressed to you. Can you not imagine that the child may feel a demand to appear down for everyone else’s sake?!

Look at her horrible mother. She sees that the boy is touching the daughter without her daughter’s consent and hse “lets them work it out”, which means, expects the girl to give in and notbother her. She lets her son take whatever he wants.

The daughter has learned from this. Of COURSE she is not going to tell her mother!!! Her job is to keep the peace, as you have seen. She cannot advocate for herself.

Very likely, if you tell the mom that you think something may be off, the mom is going to get defensive and angrily confront the child and ask her if her brother has ever hurt her. The daughter will NEVER say he did, even if he hurt her that morning. She has learned that she must keep the peace and that her brother gets what he wants and she sees and fears her mother’s upset and doesn’t want to make a big deal or draw attention to herself.

The best you can do with your friend is make undeniable observations. “I see that Joe keeps overpowering Mary physically.” “I see that Mary never kisses Joe back or jump on him like he jumps on her.” “I see Mary flinch when Joe jumped on her right now.”

Expect to lose this friendship. Do what you can.

THIS - your gut is telling you what’s going on OP. Listen and act now.

[Anonymous]

He's going to cross the line and foof his little sister. This is awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My daughter is exactly like this with her older brother, and us parents as well. I bet the crazies on DCUM wouldn’t jump to conclusions in our situation!

1. Probably this child is an extreme sensory seeker.

2. But he should respect others’ wishes regarding personal space, and the parents are squarely responsible for enforcing that.

3. I would not call CPS, but I would tell the parents that it makes everyone uncomfortable, it’s not appropriate, and it’s wise for a young person to understand that no means no. Say it seriously, and they’ll take you seriously.

Statistically and physically speaking, it is very unlikely your younger DD is abusing her older brother unless there are very important facts missing from your post; that is not true in the case OP reports. In your situation, I would still intervene if it got to the level OP describes, but I would feel confident that DS is capable of stopping her himself AND that nothing worse is going on. In the OP's case, it is quite clear that the girl cannot stop her older brother and it is possible that something worse is going on. At the very least, she is getting a TERRIBLE message. Let's say this is all totally innocent sensory seeking from a brother on the spectrum, but she's learned she must go along w/ it and her parents are no help. What happens when an older boy at school behaves similarly for nefarious reasons? I can assure you she will think it's normal and not seek help and that, alone, is a major failure of parenting.

PP you replied to.

I agree that the parents need to teach their son not to invade his sister's personal space and treat her like an object, and that they need to teach their daughter to speak up and assert herself. This is why OP needs to talk with the parents more forcefully. I disagree with the reflex reaction on these boards that a male is de facto a molester. That is why I don't think she should call CPS.

The parents are tolerating a situation and letting it continue when it is happening right in front of them. The people who should be protecting her are not and yes, you said they should teach the ds that he should not invade his sister's space and that is true. However, your language is problematic - putting this in there at all "they need to teach their daughter to speak up and assert herself." She is having to share a bedroom with someone who is using her body for his own amusement, clearly against her wishes. Have your read that kids who are sexually molested shut down when someone touches them inappropriately. They shut down. This girl has shut down because he is grabbing her body and the people who are protecting her have not. I'm not saying she has been molested, but this situation is far beyond what OP can approach with the parents. They are IDIOTS. This kid needs real help, and needs someone trained in interviewing children who have been assaulted to speak with her. Not her dumbass parents.

[Anonymous]

OP here . We'll be going on a weekend getaway with them in a week. I'm going to have a serious talk with their mother.

But I'm not sure how much affect it will have on her. I told her I don't want my kid sleeping in the same room with the boy. And she said her kids are "inseparable" and will only sleep together in the bedroom. Inseparable my ass..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here . We'll be going on a weekend getaway with them in a week. I'm going to have a serious talk with their mother.

But I'm not sure how much affect it will have on her. I told her I don't want my kid sleeping in the same room with the boy. And she said her kids are "inseparable" and will only sleep together in the bedroom. Inseparable my ass..

There is so much wrong with this. I don't know even know where to start. That little girl is being failed by everyone around her, including you.

[Anonymous]

I don't believe OP at all. If something this obvious and blatant were going on, reactions from parents would be different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here . We'll be going on a weekend getaway with them in a week. I'm going to have a serious talk with their mother.

But I'm not sure how much affect it will have on her. I told her I don't want my kid sleeping in the same room with the boy. And she said her kids are "inseparable" and will only sleep together in the bedroom. Inseparable my ass..

There is so much wrong with this. I don't know even know where to start. That little girl is being failed by everyone around her, including you.

+1 I really hope this is a troll.

[Anonymous]

I would call it out when I see it. “Hey Larlo, can’t you tell your sister doesn’t like that. Knock it off.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't believe OP at all. If something this obvious and blatant were going on, reactions from parents would be different.

Unfortunately, most sexual abuse (93%) is by someone close to the child. Parents are pretty oblivious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here . We'll be going on a weekend getaway with them in a week. I'm going to have a serious talk with their mother.

But I'm not sure how much affect it will have on her. I told her I don't want my kid sleeping in the same room with the boy. And she said her kids are "inseparable" and will only sleep together in the bedroom. Inseparable my ass..

OP, you need to think this all the way through. You say that you doubt that you talking with her will have an affect. I suspect you are correct, because this is so wrong that the fact she doesn't see it is hugely problematic.

So the question then becomes, are you ready to pick up the phone and call CPS and the kids' school when she does nothing? Are you prepared for the fallout to your friendship?
I'm asking because while there's a good chance she will suspect you regardless, if you have "the talk" with her and then right after that the authorities contact her, she will know without a doubt it was you.

I just want you to be mentally prepared for the next steps. I think you absolutely need to take them. It's worth losing a friendship over. There is a *slight* chance that if you just report now, before you have "the talk" with her, she won't suspect it was you.

I think sometimes DCUM jumps too quickly to "call CPS!" but this is not one of those. Honestly one of the most disturbing things I've heard described. Please help this girl, and the other girls/women this boy will encounter if he's not stopped now from continuing this type of behavior.