How many cancelled visits until it becomes a problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I somehow feel like more details are needed. Ages of the kids? Reasons for the cancellations? Do you pay your child support (which I know is separate from visitation). Are you changing the hours or conditions for pickup / drop off? Is there a reason yu R home may be unsafe or similar right now?

Also, why would you wait 6 years before this was a problem?

Two children under the age of 10. Usually my ex provides no reason for cancellation. On occasion my ex has said one of the kids is sick, or they are going out of town. I do pay child support. I have not changed any hours or conditions for pick up/drop off. No reason why my home is unsafe. I truly believe my ex is trying to alienate me from the kids' lives.

Then you document it, and contact your lawyer, who is the person best tasked with ensuring it doesn’t happen any more.

But “on occasion” with reason is not a pattern or targeted alienation.

With two kids under 10 and this going back 6 years, it seems likely most were cancelled for illness. Sounds like typical 2 and 4 year olds being sick almost every other weekends due to daycare and primary school. If mom called and said “Larlo’s sick. Don’t come.”, you should have said “Okay, we’ll swap for next weekend.”

In less its a long drive, illness is not a reason to cancel a visit. Dad can take care of them sick just as well as Mom. If its a long drive, then you reschedule.

[Anonymous]

TBH I think stories like yours are just excuses. Between visitation how often were you in contact with the kids?
If the kids were sick could you have been agreeable to visiting the kids at their home ? In these situations it’s easy to paint yourself as the wronged party and much harder to actually do something besides complain. There are so many ways to keep a connection with kids in between visits an I bet you have t done much in that regard. Put in some effort on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I somehow feel like more details are needed. Ages of the kids? Reasons for the cancellations? Do you pay your child support (which I know is separate from visitation). Are you changing the hours or conditions for pickup / drop off? Is there a reason yu R home may be unsafe or similar right now?

Also, why would you wait 6 years before this was a problem?

Two children under the age of 10. Usually my ex provides no reason for cancellation. On occasion my ex has said one of the kids is sick, or they are going out of town. I do pay child support. I have not changed any hours or conditions for pick up/drop off. No reason why my home is unsafe. I truly believe my ex is trying to alienate me from the kids' lives.

Then you document it, and contact your lawyer, who is the person best tasked with ensuring it doesn’t happen any more.

But “on occasion” with reason is not a pattern or targeted alienation.

With two kids under 10 and this going back 6 years, it seems likely most were cancelled for illness. Sounds like typical 2 and 4 year olds being sick almost every other weekends due to daycare and primary school. If mom called and said “Larlo’s sick. Don’t come.”, you should have said “Okay, we’ll swap for next weekend.”

In less its a long drive, illness is not a reason to cancel a visit. Dad can take care of them sick just as well as Mom. If its a long drive, then you reschedule.

Then Dad should have insisted on that. It’s a good question why he didn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I somehow feel like more details are needed. Ages of the kids? Reasons for the cancellations? Do you pay your child support (which I know is separate from visitation). Are you changing the hours or conditions for pickup / drop off? Is there a reason yu R home may be unsafe or similar right now?

Also, why would you wait 6 years before this was a problem?

Two children under the age of 10. Usually my ex provides no reason for cancellation. On occasion my ex has said one of the kids is sick, or they are going out of town. I do pay child support. I have not changed any hours or conditions for pick up/drop off. No reason why my home is unsafe. I truly believe my ex is trying to alienate me from the kids' lives.

Then you document it, and contact your lawyer, who is the person best tasked with ensuring it doesn’t happen any more.

But “on occasion” with reason is not a pattern or targeted alienation.

With two kids under 10 and this going back 6 years, it seems likely most were cancelled for illness. Sounds like typical 2 and 4 year olds being sick almost every other weekends due to daycare and primary school. If mom called and said “Larlo’s sick. Don’t come.”, you should have said “Okay, we’ll swap for next weekend.”

In less its a long drive, illness is not a reason to cancel a visit. Dad can take care of them sick just as well as Mom. If its a long drive, then you reschedule.

Then Dad should have insisted on that. It’s a good question why he didn’t.

OP here. My ex does not make up missed visits, regardless of the reason. If she cancels, I ask if we can make it up, she says no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:TBH I think stories like yours are just excuses. Between visitation how often were you in contact with the kids?
If the kids were sick could you have been agreeable to visiting the kids at their home ? In these situations it’s easy to paint yourself as the wronged party and much harder to actually do something besides complain. There are so many ways to keep a connection with kids in between visits an I bet you have t done much in that regard. Put in some effort on that.

OP here. I ask to talk with my kids several times per week. If I outright call without warning, she will not answer. She will have them call back most times, but sometimes not. I have always asked to make up visits, get extra time, meet closer for her, do "dinner dates" with them, pick up from school and play on the playground for 30 minutes, etc. I am always told no.

I do wonder why you assume I haven't put much effort into spending time with my kids outside of my scheduled time. I understand that may be the "norm" for some fathers, but there are fathers that really do want a relationship with their children outside of "every other weekend". Unfortunately, my ex is extremely controlling and would much prefer I not spend any time with the kids so that she can say she raised them on her own (a lot of this runs deeper than us - her mom was a single mom, her grandmother was a single mom, etc.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate my ex's guts and I would never, ever, ever, ever, ever unilaterally cancel HIS parenting time. That is my obligation to leave that alone.

He does cancel his time often though, which is annoying.

But again, no one is canceling the other's time. That is ridiculous.

OP here. I appreciate your feedback. My ex hates me as well. I just wish she wouldn't put our children in the middle of her feelings about me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I somehow feel like more details are needed. Ages of the kids? Reasons for the cancellations? Do you pay your child support (which I know is separate from visitation). Are you changing the hours or conditions for pickup / drop off? Is there a reason yu R home may be unsafe or similar right now?

Also, why would you wait 6 years before this was a problem?

Two children under the age of 10. Usually my ex provides no reason for cancellation. On occasion my ex has said one of the kids is sick, or they are going out of town. I do pay child support. I have not changed any hours or conditions for pick up/drop off. No reason why my home is unsafe. I truly believe my ex is trying to alienate me from the kids' lives.

Then you document it, and contact your lawyer, who is the person best tasked with ensuring it doesn’t happen any more.

But “on occasion” with reason is not a pattern or targeted alienation.

With two kids under 10 and this going back 6 years, it seems likely most were cancelled for illness. Sounds like typical 2 and 4 year olds being sick almost every other weekends due to daycare and primary school. If mom called and said “Larlo’s sick. Don’t come.”, you should have said “Okay, we’ll swap for next weekend.”

In less its a long drive, illness is not a reason to cancel a visit. Dad can take care of them sick just as well as Mom. If its a long drive, then you reschedule.

Then Dad should have insisted on that. It’s a good question why he didn’t.

OP here. My ex does not make up missed visits, regardless of the reason. If she cancels, I ask if we can make it up, she says no.

Then, as others have said repeatedly on this thread. Document each cancelled visit, the reason and when you see it as a problem, get a lawyer if your Ex doesn't remedy her behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to talk to an attorney and take it to court. Get a clear court order outlining dates for visitation and spelled out if a visit is missed what happens. Reality is she'll get away with it and tell the judge you refused visits, didn't want to see the kids or are abusive. There will be no consequences.

OP here. Thank you. Good thing is she always cancels via text, so I have proof of every single cancelled visit.

From now on, don't agree to the canceled visits and tell her either she will need to reschedule them for xxx day or you will be at the designated location/time for pick up. Make sure to document everything, including you showing up and no kids. Do everything by email or text, no calls.

OP here. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

If you contact an attorney and file in court, at least it will on record that you seriously tried to fix it. My spouse had a complicated situation where the mother of his son kept him from him. He was a teenager and probably interested in staying around his friends so kid wasn't bothered. He's grown now and understands now what really happened and their relationship has improved greatly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you contact an attorney and file in court, at least it will on record that you seriously tried to fix it. My spouse had a complicated situation where the mother of his son kept him from him. He was a teenager and probably interested in staying around his friends so kid wasn't bothered. He's grown now and understands now what really happened and their relationship has improved greatly.

OP here. Whoa, I'm hoping this doesn't happen with my children, but, if the court doesn't force a change, I can completely see this happening. Nice to know that their relationship has improved. Thanks for sharing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TBH I think stories like yours are just excuses. Between visitation how often were you in contact with the kids?
If the kids were sick could you have been agreeable to visiting the kids at their home ? In these situations it’s easy to paint yourself as the wronged party and much harder to actually do something besides complain. There are so many ways to keep a connection with kids in between visits an I bet you have t done much in that regard. Put in some effort on that.

OP here. I ask to talk with my kids several times per week. If I outright call without warning, she will not answer. She will have them call back most times, but sometimes not. I have always asked to make up visits, get extra time, meet closer for her, do "dinner dates" with them, pick up from school and play on the playground for 30 minutes, etc. I am always told no.

I do wonder why you assume I haven't put much effort into spending time with my kids outside of my scheduled time. I understand that may be the "norm" for some fathers, but there are fathers that really do want a relationship with their children outside of "every other weekend". Unfortunately, my ex is extremely controlling and would much prefer I not spend any time with the kids so that she can say she raised them on her own (a lot of this runs deeper than us - her mom was a single mom, her grandmother was a single mom, etc.)

OP, people on here tend to be biased toward mothers and the responses would be totally different were the genders reversed and a father were keeping a mother from her custodial time.

I think it is hard to understand if you haven’t been through it how little the legal system to do to enforce a custody agreement. You’ll spend a ton of money to go to court and she’ll maybe get a slap on the wrist and be ordered to pay attorney’s fees, then what? The police won’t get involved and no one is really there to enforce for you. Unfortunately there’s no good answer for a parental alienation situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TBH I think stories like yours are just excuses. Between visitation how often were you in contact with the kids?
If the kids were sick could you have been agreeable to visiting the kids at their home ? In these situations it’s easy to paint yourself as the wronged party and much harder to actually do something besides complain. There are so many ways to keep a connection with kids in between visits an I bet you have t done much in that regard. Put in some effort on that.

OP here. I ask to talk with my kids several times per week. If I outright call without warning, she will not answer. She will have them call back most times, but sometimes not. I have always asked to make up visits, get extra time, meet closer for her, do "dinner dates" with them, pick up from school and play on the playground for 30 minutes, etc. I am always told no.

I do wonder why you assume I haven't put much effort into spending time with my kids outside of my scheduled time. I understand that may be the "norm" for some fathers, but there are fathers that really do want a relationship with their children outside of "every other weekend". Unfortunately, my ex is extremely controlling and would much prefer I not spend any time with the kids so that she can say she raised them on her own (a lot of this runs deeper than us - her mom was a single mom, her grandmother was a single mom, etc.)

OP, people on here tend to be biased toward mothers and the responses would be totally different were the genders reversed and a father were keeping a mother from her custodial time.

I think it is hard to understand if you haven’t been through it how little the legal system to do to enforce a custody agreement. You’ll spend a ton of money to go to court and she’ll maybe get a slap on the wrist and be ordered to pay attorney’s fees, then what? The police won’t get involved and no one is really there to enforce for you. Unfortunately there’s no good answer for a parental alienation situation.

OP here. I completely understand. It's just frustrating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TBH I think stories like yours are just excuses. Between visitation how often were you in contact with the kids?
If the kids were sick could you have been agreeable to visiting the kids at their home ? In these situations it’s easy to paint yourself as the wronged party and much harder to actually do something besides complain. There are so many ways to keep a connection with kids in between visits an I bet you have t done much in that regard. Put in some effort on that.

OP here. I ask to talk with my kids several times per week. If I outright call without warning, she will not answer. She will have them call back most times, but sometimes not. I have always asked to make up visits, get extra time, meet closer for her, do "dinner dates" with them, pick up from school and play on the playground for 30 minutes, etc. I am always told no.

I do wonder why you assume I haven't put much effort into spending time with my kids outside of my scheduled time. I understand that may be the "norm" for some fathers, but there are fathers that really do want a relationship with their children outside of "every other weekend". Unfortunately, my ex is extremely controlling and would much prefer I not spend any time with the kids so that she can say she raised them on her own (a lot of this runs deeper than us - her mom was a single mom, her grandmother was a single mom, etc.)

OP, people on here tend to be biased toward mothers and the responses would be totally different were the genders reversed and a father were keeping a mother from her custodial time.

I think it is hard to understand if you haven’t been through it how little the legal system to do to enforce a custody agreement. You’ll spend a ton of money to go to court and she’ll maybe get a slap on the wrist and be ordered to pay attorney’s fees, then what? The police won’t get involved and no one is really there to enforce for you. Unfortunately there’s no good answer for a parental alienation situation.

Unless she's particularly wealthy this can add up to a significant amount and can force her into compliance if you take her to court each time she violates the order. Of course, no guarantees the judge will sanction her with attorney fees so I'd see what your attorney has to say about that.