How many cancelled visits until it becomes a problem?

[Anonymous]

Due to me having a heavy weekday travel job, my ex and I agreed during our divorce and custody agreement that Primary custody would go to them with me having bi-weekly weekend visitation with the kids. Over the past 6 years, my ex has cancelled 36 visits. Is this already in the territory of being a big enough issue to bring to the court’s attention?

[Anonymous]

So basically every two months instead of you having 4 visits you get 3?

[Anonymous]

Why wouldn’t you consult your lawyer?

[Anonymous]

You are just asking now and this has been going on for 6 years? Aren’t the kids old enough to decide for themselves now?

[Anonymous]

What are reasons for the cancellations: child illness, severe weather?

If you questioned the reasons, why didn’t you stand firm or insist on rescheduling?


In 13 years, I’ve only unilaterally canceled one of XH’s visits. Long story with too much identifying info, but he later agreed that it was for the best. There are many times I have strongly urged XH to reschedule for DC’s sake. I was always flexible about the reschedule date. I think he’s unilaterally canceled 6-8 times a year in the past five years and I’ve lost track of his reschedule requests.

[Anonymous]

So on average, one visit every other month? What were the reasons for the cancellations?

If this has been going on for years without protest, I have a hard time seeing a judge getting so outraged now. What’s changed that it’s suddenly worth taking to court?

[Anonymous]

OP here. The cancelled visits wasn’t a huge issue in the beginning. Maybe a few per year. As of lately it has gotten much worse. Most times there is no reason given. I will consult with a lawyer.

[Anonymous]

You need to talk to an attorney and in less the child is sick, show up to pick up the child each time or request it to be rescheduled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to talk to an attorney and in less the child is sick, show up to pick up the child each time or request it to be rescheduled.

Good luck. At the very least, you will get a contingency plan for necessary cancellations.

[Anonymous]

Do you not talk to your kids outside these visits? What do they say about the cancellations?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you've kept a record of at least the dates of the cancelled visits so good job on that front.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you've kept a record of at least the dates of the cancelled visits so good job on that front.

I don’t think a judge will be much impressed with dates without the context of why she canceled and how you dealt with her canceling unilaterally. If every time, you said “This isn’t your decision to make alone. I want to see the kids this weekend as scheduled.”, that’s something different.

[Anonymous]

So weird that you didn't try to make them all up. You sound neglectful.

[Anonymous]

It didn’t mean much when my father do it. He just wouldn’t show up. My mom is the best mom in the world for making excuses for him and then just getting on with it. She would say “Oh I forgot. We switched weekends.” Or “Looks like he can’t get here. Let’s go get ice cream/Mc Donald’s.” I’m sure she felt like launching into what an a hole he was but she didn’t. Of course, we figure this out on our own later.

[Anonymous]

I somehow feel like more details are needed. Ages of the kids? Reasons for the cancellations? Do you pay your child support (which I know is separate from visitation). Are you changing the hours or conditions for pickup / drop off? Is there a reason yu R home may be unsafe or similar right now?

Also, why would you wait 6 years before this was a problem?