How many cancelled visits until it becomes a problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t see you kids very often even if the agreement was being followed. And you allowed this to go on for SIX years? My guess is that the judge won’t be particularly impressed by your track record.

Again, the first few years weren't that often. Maybe 2-3 times per year. As of last year this became a huge issue...two months going by at a time with no visitation. I consulted an attorney and am going through the proper channels to hold my ex in contempt of court. I tried to change up some details in previous posts to remain anonymous. Just curious as to how big of an issue the judge will see this as.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t see you kids very often even if the agreement was being followed. And you allowed this to go on for SIX years? My guess is that the judge won’t be particularly impressed by your track record.

Again, the first few years weren't that often. Maybe 2-3 times per year. As of last year this became a huge issue...two months going by at a time with no visitation. I consulted an attorney and am going through the proper channels to hold my ex in contempt of court. I tried to change up some details in previous posts to remain anonymous. Just curious as to how big of an issue the judge will see this as.

I think the problem is getting the judge to enforce a remedy. As in, the judge can order more time but what if she blows that off too? The judge isn't going to put her in jail for contempt, that's not going to happen. So will the judge sanction her for your attorney fees? I think that's the best case scenario and hopefully your original divorce provides that the party in material default of the agreement will have to pay the prevailing party's attorney fees. That's a question for your lawyer. The judge could, ultimately, modify the original custody order but you'd have to ask your attorney how likely that is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t see you kids very often even if the agreement was being followed. And you allowed this to go on for SIX years? My guess is that the judge won’t be particularly impressed by your track record.

Again, the first few years weren't that often. Maybe 2-3 times per year. As of last year this became a huge issue...two months going by at a time with no visitation. I consulted an attorney and am going through the proper channels to hold my ex in contempt of court. I tried to change up some details in previous posts to remain anonymous. Just curious as to how big of an issue the judge will see this as.

The judge might see it as a big deal if there’s no mitigating reason like illness or an exceptional event (sports tournament or piano recital). However, you also just let this happen for years w/o protest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t see you kids very often even if the agreement was being followed. And you allowed this to go on for SIX years? My guess is that the judge won’t be particularly impressed by your track record.

Again, the first few years weren't that often. Maybe 2-3 times per year. As of last year this became a huge issue...two months going by at a time with no visitation. I consulted an attorney and am going through the proper channels to hold my ex in contempt of court. I tried to change up some details in previous posts to remain anonymous. Just curious as to how big of an issue the judge will see this as.

Your ex isn’t going to be held in contempt of court right off the bat. You will file, she’ll probably request a modification of visitation and support in response, everyone will exchange papers, and if you’re lucky, a few months from now you’ll get an order that she comply with the visitation agreement. If she violates that, then you’ll file a contempt motion and maybe she gets hit with a contempt citation.

Bigger picture, though, we don’t have enough information to tell you how a judge might look at this. There’s a difference between a kid who was two when this started and is now eight, and your ex arbitrarily withheld visitation even though the kid wanted to see you, and a kid who was eight when this started, is now 14, and the kid doesn’t want to see you. Your ex not offering a reason could be because she’s protecting the kids by not telling you they don’t want to do with you, so that she’ll take the brunt of your anger rather than them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I somehow feel like more details are needed. Ages of the kids? Reasons for the cancellations? Do you pay your child support (which I know is separate from visitation). Are you changing the hours or conditions for pickup / drop off? Is there a reason yu R home may be unsafe or similar right now?

Also, why would you wait 6 years before this was a problem?

Two children under the age of 10. Usually my ex provides no reason for cancellation. On occasion my ex has said one of the kids is sick, or they are going out of town. I do pay child support. I have not changed any hours or conditions for pick up/drop off. No reason why my home is unsafe. I truly believe my ex is trying to alienate me from the kids' lives.

[Anonymous]

I hate my ex's guts and I would never, ever, ever, ever, ever unilaterally cancel HIS parenting time. That is my obligation to leave that alone.

He does cancel his time often though, which is annoying.

But again, no one is canceling the other's time. That is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I somehow feel like more details are needed. Ages of the kids? Reasons for the cancellations? Do you pay your child support (which I know is separate from visitation). Are you changing the hours or conditions for pickup / drop off? Is there a reason yu R home may be unsafe or similar right now?

Also, why would you wait 6 years before this was a problem?

Two children under the age of 10. Usually my ex provides no reason for cancellation. On occasion my ex has said one of the kids is sick, or they are going out of town. I do pay child support. I have not changed any hours or conditions for pick up/drop off. No reason why my home is unsafe. I truly believe my ex is trying to alienate me from the kids' lives.

Then you document it, and contact your lawyer, who is the person best tasked with ensuring it doesn’t happen any more.

But “on occasion” with reason is not a pattern or targeted alienation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I somehow feel like more details are needed. Ages of the kids? Reasons for the cancellations? Do you pay your child support (which I know is separate from visitation). Are you changing the hours or conditions for pickup / drop off? Is there a reason yu R home may be unsafe or similar right now?

Also, why would you wait 6 years before this was a problem?

Two children under the age of 10. Usually my ex provides no reason for cancellation. On occasion my ex has said one of the kids is sick, or they are going out of town. I do pay child support. I have not changed any hours or conditions for pick up/drop off. No reason why my home is unsafe. I truly believe my ex is trying to alienate me from the kids' lives.

Then you document it, and contact your lawyer, who is the person best tasked with ensuring it doesn’t happen any more.

But “on occasion” with reason is not a pattern or targeted alienation.

With two kids under 10 and this going back 6 years, it seems likely most were cancelled for illness. Sounds like typical 2 and 4 year olds being sick almost every other weekends due to daycare and primary school. If mom called and said “Larlo’s sick. Don’t come.”, you should have said “Okay, we’ll swap for next weekend.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I somehow feel like more details are needed. Ages of the kids? Reasons for the cancellations? Do you pay your child support (which I know is separate from visitation). Are you changing the hours or conditions for pickup / drop off? Is there a reason yu R home may be unsafe or similar right now?

Also, why would you wait 6 years before this was a problem?

Two children under the age of 10. Usually my ex provides no reason for cancellation. On occasion my ex has said one of the kids is sick, or they are going out of town. I do pay child support. I have not changed any hours or conditions for pick up/drop off. No reason why my home is unsafe. I truly believe my ex is trying to alienate me from the kids' lives.

Then you document it, and contact your lawyer, who is the person best tasked with ensuring it doesn’t happen any more.

But “on occasion” with reason is not a pattern or targeted alienation.

With two kids under 10 and this going back 6 years, it seems likely most were cancelled for illness. Sounds like typical 2 and 4 year olds being sick almost every other weekends due to daycare and primary school. If mom called and said “Larlo’s sick. Don’t come.”, you should have said “Okay, we’ll swap for next weekend.”

OP said earlier that he did, and the mom said no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I somehow feel like more details are needed. Ages of the kids? Reasons for the cancellations? Do you pay your child support (which I know is separate from visitation). Are you changing the hours or conditions for pickup / drop off? Is there a reason yu R home may be unsafe or similar right now?

Also, why would you wait 6 years before this was a problem?

Two children under the age of 10. Usually my ex provides no reason for cancellation. On occasion my ex has said one of the kids is sick, or they are going out of town. I do pay child support. I have not changed any hours or conditions for pick up/drop off. No reason why my home is unsafe. I truly believe my ex is trying to alienate me from the kids' lives.

Then you document it, and contact your lawyer, who is the person best tasked with ensuring it doesn’t happen any more.

But “on occasion” with reason is not a pattern or targeted alienation.

OP here. I will clarify again. For the first 3-4 years, there were maybe 4-5 cancelled visits throughout the year. Some were from a child being sick (but then none of the kids came), some were because my ex was taking them out of town, some were just no reason at all. When I said "on occasion", I meant my ex would give me a reason. For the past two years, the cancellations increased to about 10-12 per year. For most, no reason was given. My ex does not "make up" the time by switching weekends or adding weekdays. I brought up the alienation point because not only are my visits routinely cancelled, my ex seems to be trying to keep me from their lives in other areas that I won't detail because I want to remain anonymous. Was just interested in others' thoughts on the missed parenting time.

[Anonymous]

You need to talk to an attorney and take it to court. Get a clear court order outlining dates for visitation and spelled out if a visit is missed what happens. Reality is she'll get away with it and tell the judge you refused visits, didn't want to see the kids or are abusive. There will be no consequences.

[Anonymous]

You could consider using pro se methods, courts these days typically provide forms for this very issue. I know someone who used that multiple times due to an ex who undermined visits. Each time he would shape up for awhile and gradually stop complying.

But basically, if it was a few times a year in the beginning and you were accommodating and since then he has increasingly cancelled visits, it's time to address the issue legally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to talk to an attorney and take it to court. Get a clear court order outlining dates for visitation and spelled out if a visit is missed what happens. Reality is she'll get away with it and tell the judge you refused visits, didn't want to see the kids or are abusive. There will be no consequences.

OP here. Thank you. Good thing is she always cancels via text, so I have proof of every single cancelled visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could consider using pro se methods, courts these days typically provide forms for this very issue. I know someone who used that multiple times due to an ex who undermined visits. Each time he would shape up for awhile and gradually stop complying.

But basically, if it was a few times a year in the beginning and you were accommodating and since then he has increasingly cancelled visits, it's time to address the issue legally.

OP here. You have the situation backwards but thank you for the response. Hopefully the judge does something about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to talk to an attorney and take it to court. Get a clear court order outlining dates for visitation and spelled out if a visit is missed what happens. Reality is she'll get away with it and tell the judge you refused visits, didn't want to see the kids or are abusive. There will be no consequences.

OP here. Thank you. Good thing is she always cancels via text, so I have proof of every single cancelled visit.

From now on, don't agree to the canceled visits and tell her either she will need to reschedule them for xxx day or you will be at the designated location/time for pick up. Make sure to document everything, including you showing up and no kids. Do everything by email or text, no calls.