How many cancelled visits until it becomes a problem?

[Anonymous]

^oh and also, does your visitation time keep the kids from their normal activities eg. Sports, hobbies, friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It didn’t mean much when my father do it. He just wouldn’t show up. My mom is the best mom in the world for making excuses for him and then just getting on with it. She would say “Oh I forgot. We switched weekends.” Or “Looks like he can’t get here. Let’s go get ice cream/Mc Donald’s.” I’m sure she felt like launching into what an a hole he was but she didn’t. Of course, we figure this out on our own later.

There is a difference between one parent cancelling his own visit vs one parent cancelling the other's parent's visit. both are hard on the kids of course, but you can see how your experience is not what OP is talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I somehow feel like more details are needed. Ages of the kids? Reasons for the cancellations? Do you pay your child support (which I know is separate from visitation). Are you changing the hours or conditions for pickup / drop off? Is there a reason yu R home may be unsafe or similar right now?

Also, why would you wait 6 years before this was a problem?

Really this. I posted above. The one time I cancelled my ex’s time, it was winter and he didn’t have working heat. His plan was to buy several space heaters. DC was a toddler. I felt like it was an unnecessary fire risk. Other times that I suggested rescheduling, it was for times that he seemed overwhelmed with the sheer weight of living. There’s a note in his voice that comes right before he explodes or breaks down. I tell him DC is fine to switch weekends.I will always focus on safety over the paper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It didn’t mean much when my father do it. He just wouldn’t show up. My mom is the best mom in the world for making excuses for him and then just getting on with it. She would say “Oh I forgot. We switched weekends.” Or “Looks like he can’t get here. Let’s go get ice cream/Mc Donald’s.” I’m sure she felt like launching into what an a hole he was but she didn’t. Of course, we figure this out on our own later.

There is a difference between one parent cancelling his own visit vs one parent cancelling the other's parent's visit. both are hard on the kids of course, but you can see how your experience is not what OP is talking about.

Or maybe your mom lied and she canceled the visits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^oh and also, does your visitation time keep the kids from their normal activities eg. Sports, hobbies, friends?

Those are not reasons to cancel visits. Visitation comes first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^oh and also, does your visitation time keep the kids from their normal activities eg. Sports, hobbies, friends?

Those are not reasons to cancel visits. Visitation comes first.

Not if the child’s health, happiness, and wellness secondary.

And I would fight this in the courts.

You chose a job in order to see your child 1/10th of their lives? Then you don’t get to pick what is normal, healthy, and happy for them. Visitation is not about the parent.. it is about the child. Their lives should remain as normal as possible. Stop punishing them for your divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So weird that you didn't try to make them all up. You sound neglectful.

What.... Why? Because OP is male?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^oh and also, does your visitation time keep the kids from their normal activities eg. Sports, hobbies, friends?

Those are not reasons to cancel visits. Visitation comes first.

Not if the child’s health, happiness, and wellness secondary.

And I would fight this in the courts.

You chose a job in order to see your child 1/10th of their lives? Then you don’t get to pick what is normal, healthy, and happy for them. Visitation is not about the parent.. it is about the child. Their lives should remain as normal as possible. Stop punishing them for your divorce.

WEll, you can fight it in the courts but you’d lose. Mom: “I picked sat for soccer, so no sat visits.” Nope, wouldn’t fly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So weird that you didn't try to make them all up. You sound neglectful.

What.... Why? Because OP is male?

DP. We’re talking about someone who so thoroughly prioritizes his job over kids that we was okay only seeing his kids a few days a month, couldn’t even be bothered with weekly dinners. He doesn’t come across as the most engaged parent to begin with, and not trying to reschedule visits reinforces that impression. I expect a court would be really curious to know why the change of heart now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^oh and also, does your visitation time keep the kids from their normal activities eg. Sports, hobbies, friends?

Those are not reasons to cancel visits. Visitation comes first.

Not if the child’s health, happiness, and wellness secondary.

And I would fight this in the courts.

You chose a job in order to see your child 1/10th of their lives? Then you don’t get to pick what is normal, healthy, and happy for them. Visitation is not about the parent.. it is about the child. Their lives should remain as normal as possible. Stop punishing them for your divorce.

WEll, you can fight it in the courts but you’d lose. Mom: “I picked sat for soccer, so no sat visits.” Nope, wouldn’t fly.

Dad can’t spend an hour twice a month bringing kid to soccer? That shouldn’t fly, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The cancelled visits wasn’t a huge issue in the beginning. Maybe a few per year. As of lately it has gotten much worse. Most times there is no reason given. I will consult with a lawyer.

What were the reasons when they were given?

How many visits have you cancelled during that same period? The judge will care about this.

I’ll be shocked if OP actually comes back to answer questions, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So weird that you didn't try to make them all up. You sound neglectful.

What.... Why? Because OP is male?

Why do you assume op is male?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It didn’t mean much when my father do it. He just wouldn’t show up. My mom is the best mom in the world for making excuses for him and then just getting on with it. She would say “Oh I forgot. We switched weekends.” Or “Looks like he can’t get here. Let’s go get ice cream/Mc Donald’s.” I’m sure she felt like launching into what an a hole he was but she didn’t. Of course, we figure this out on our own later.

There is a difference between one parent cancelling his own visit vs one parent cancelling the other's parent's visit. both are hard on the kids of course, but you can see how your experience is not what OP is talking about.

Or maybe your mom lied and she canceled the visits.

She spent her weekends “off” in studying since she was in nursing school so it created havoc when he didn’t show up. Sometimes she would have to bring us to the library at school when my grandparents couldn’t help. My dad would mumble excuses when he showed up the next time. We spent a lot of time at the college library while she studied or met with her study groups.

[Anonymous]

You don’t see you kids very often even if the agreement was being followed. And you allowed this to go on for SIX years? My guess is that the judge won’t be particularly impressed by your track record.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So weird that you didn't try to make them all up. You sound neglectful.

OP here. I did try to make the time up. My ex did not allow it. Example: if she cancelled a weekend, I'd ask if the kids could come the next two weekends in a row to make the time up. My ex would say no.