Healthy wealthy local grandparents not interested

[Anonymous]

I guess my parents and inlaws missed that memo, too. They never gave us more than a couple afternoons a year of free babysitting. Fortunately, my friends never needled me about their lack of support. (snort)

[Anonymous]

We're early retired young grandparents in DC who help with our grandchildren an absolute ton. Our grandkids almost consider us their second set of parents. Our kids are so lucky to have us, and they know it. Having said that, it's because we WANT to and not because it's an obligation. You can't judge your parents for not wanting to raise YOUR kids.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I have zero free babysitting. We have spent one (!) night together without kids in eight years!

Whatever. That’s the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:3-4 times a year overnight sounds generous.

Sounds piss poor to me. How hard is it to order Dominos and put Nickoldeon on? That's the bare minimum.

My dad is local and takes my kids for entire weekends about every two months. He takes them to the circus, to McDonalds (a treat for them) to Fletcher's boathouse for fishing, to Sky Meadows for hiking, to Nats games...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3-4 times a year overnight sounds generous.

Sounds piss poor to me. How hard is it to order Dominos and put Nickoldeon on? That's the bare minimum.

My dad is local and takes my kids for entire weekends about every two months. He takes them to the circus, to McDonalds (a treat for them) to Fletcher's boathouse for fishing, to Sky Meadows for hiking, to Nats games...

They are lucky to have him as a grandparent.

[Anonymous]

What does wealthy have to do with it? Why is that in your subject? Would it be ok if they were poor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3-4 times a year overnight sounds generous.

Sounds piss poor to me. How hard is it to order Dominos and put Nickoldeon on? That's the bare minimum.

My dad is local and takes my kids for entire weekends about every two months. He takes them to the circus, to McDonalds (a treat for them) to Fletcher's boathouse for fishing, to Sky Meadows for hiking, to Nats games...

They are lucky to have him as a grandparent.

Agreed. He's great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My retired local wealthy inlaws are not interested in keeping our kids. They’ll “do us a favor” from time to time for a few hours or a single night but only 3-4 times a year and definitely no more than 1 night.

Yes I know they don’t “owe” me anything.

How do I explain this to friends and family who just assume my inlaws are such a big help to me? I get lots of comments like “can’t your inlaws help you out?”

You don't have to explain anything to anybody.

[Anonymous]

OP, why can't you just tell them your in-laws don't help out frequently? I think they give you plenty (3-4 overnights per year? I literally can't fathom that level of help), but also don't understand why you can't be honest when people ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. As I stated in the OP of course they don’t “owe” me, but most of my friends have 3+ kids and local grandparents help a ton, like driving to sports practices or keeping the younger while the older has an activity, etc. My friends all assume my inlaws are the same and they are not. How do I put an end to the questions without just saying “my inlaws don’t really help.”

My own mother (now deceased) lives in my hometown but would absolutely have been like my friends parents. Feel sorry for my kids - they got a dead grandma and a dud grandma. Some kids get two awesome grandmas. It’s sad.

Why can’t you say it like it is? They don’t help much.
My parents are not well mentally and live far away.
Ex ILs live far away.
Grandparents are a nice to have but not an essential thing for kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your in laws don’t owe you anything. My SIL thinks because I’m a nanny, I’m her free anytime babysitter. I don’t even live in state and when I go home she expects date nights and help. So I’m paying $500 to fly home AND work for free.. okay.. I don’t even stay with them and this time I’m going home and not even telling them because I’m tired of being used. My mom supports this 100% and only helps so she can see the grandkids. My SIL is obnoxious and while I’m there will go upstairs and nap for 6 hours while my brother lays around and does nothing. You chose to have kids, watch them yourself or pay someone else to do it. Family isn’t free daycare.

Why are you harping on your SIL when your brother is just as bad? If anything, he's the one you should be blaming here.

[Anonymous]

I didn't have grandparents growing up - either dead or old/2000 miles away. My kids had the same experience. We all are turning out ok. Be thankful for the help and presence they do give.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the haters in this thread are unbelievable.

Tell your friends your in-laws do nothing.

Also, many many people get support from their parents to help take care of their kids. There’s no shame in wishing you had this.

Agree! It's our fault, but I wish both parents & ILs were younger and closer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3-4 times a year overnight sounds generous.

Sounds piss poor to me. How hard is it to order Dominos and put Nickoldeon on? That's the bare minimum.

My dad is local and takes my kids for entire weekends about every two months. He takes them to the circus, to McDonalds (a treat for them) to Fletcher's boathouse for fishing, to Sky Meadows for hiking, to Nats games...

OMG, there are so many people who post here who would be upset that their parents fed the kids pizza and let them watch TV, and wondering if they should restrict their time with them because they don't respect parental rules and boundaries. And OP wants them to take them overnight more, offer more free babysitting, and shuttle them around to practices. Why? This is not something my grandparents ever did, and I had a great relationship with them.

[Anonymous]

Yep, it's a bummer OP. I hear you. Could be worse, you could get divorced and have NO helpers in the area.

I would just call a spade a spade, "my in laws don't babysit much" and leave it at that.