Short vent about straight people trying to be nice

[Anonymous]

You could call this thread "Let's Talk About Stupid and Clueless People" because literally everybody has had head smacking conversations with nitwits. Try to roll with it.

I'll admit white people are probably the worst offenders, generally speaking, because many still think they own this country and everybody who is not a straight WASP is a visitor. And if you aren't "typical" then you get special treatment. Not always good special treatment either.

[Anonymous]

so if we analyze everything to death before we say it what will happen to spontineity and joy in comnversation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. My DH is from India and when they first met him, many, many relatives from my father’s side told him first thing how they’d seen —and, importantly liked — “Gandhi.” Huh?

Me too. My coworkers thought he worked in our IT department or one of our engineers. They were sincere and not being purposefully obtuse.
Lots of people told me they like Indian food.

My DH works with a gay married man. He is his work BFF. He tells me they find a lot of common ground about the trials of being married, e.g. loading the dishwasher, honey do lists, spending, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could call this thread "Let's Talk About Stupid and Clueless People" because literally everybody has had head smacking conversations with nitwits. Try to roll with it.

I'll admit white people are probably the worst offenders, generally speaking, because many still think they own this country and everybody who is not a straight WASP is a visitor. And if you aren't "typical" then you get special treatment. Not always good special treatment either.

Dunno. As a gay dood the people who seemed most uncomfortable around me were POC....

Plenty of gay WASPS..... I should know.

[Anonymous]

Have to laugh. It's the same as people feeling good about having a black friend. Even funnier is being a gay male and friends try to set you up with another gay male although the only thing you have in common is being a gay male.

[Anonymous]

Ah. Complaining about people who are trying to be nice. Got it. Next, please.

This forum never ceases to amaze me. I'm beginning to think everyone should live wholly in their separate world and never interact. Because, god forbid, you should offend someone!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ah. Complaining about people who are trying to be nice. Got it. Next, please.

This forum never ceases to amaze me. I'm beginning to think everyone should live wholly in their separate world and never interact. Because, god forbid, you should offend someone!

Whatever. Would it be nice to say to someone with Down syndrome or their parents, “good job learning your numbers to 10 just like the kids who aren’t retarded”? Sometimes people say terrible or offensive things under the guise of being nice. It gets old when you’re frequently on the receiving end of the same type of comment. It might be different if it were a one time thing, and it might be a one time comment for the person saying it, but it loses its charm after hearing it a few times and it’s definitely offensive when it happens regularly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand why it can be annoying. You want to be seen as normal. But to be frankly honest, you're not quite "normal." That's what my gay brother admitted (who had the same complaint). He's gay, he's unusual by default. He knows people are trying to be kind when the end result is that it only makes him more self-conscious. But he's happy people are trying to be nice and making an effort. So he doesn't make a big deal of it.

It's a lot better then people hating you and wanting to prosecute you for your sexuality. In other words, a major step forward. And in due time it'll mean nothing whatsoever and we're close to that point.

That’s the thing. People who tell you about their gay friend or the lesbian wedding they attended last year are attempting to signal to you “we’re cool” or “I’m an ally—I have your back” precisely because gays are a minority of the population and they want to let you know they arent part of the still-existent but hopefully-in-much-fewer-numbers than-it-used-to-be asshole majority that oppresses you in some way. It’s meant to put you at ease and feels like an innocuous way of saying “I accept you and you dont need to fear that I may be a raging homophobe. Here is my anecdotal evidence. Carry on.@

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have to laugh. It's the same as people feeling good about having a black friend. Even funnier is being a gay male and friends try to set you up with another gay male although the only thing you have in common is being a gay male.

Hmmmm...but actually it’s a pretty good place to start. Both gay, single, and friends of the matchmaker. It’s pretty much how people hook up their hetero friends too, tbh! There’s just more of us so it feels like there are more options maybe? But yeah...when I set up two single friends it’s usually bc they are both single and both my friends! How the hell am I gonna know if they’ll hit it off! That’s up to them to figure out!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand why it can be annoying. You want to be seen as normal. But to be frankly honest, you're not quite "normal." That's what my gay brother admitted (who had the same complaint). He's gay, he's unusual by default. He knows people are trying to be kind when the end result is that it only makes him more self-conscious. But he's happy people are trying to be nice and making an effort. So he doesn't make a big deal of it.

It's a lot better then people hating you and wanting to prosecute you for your sexuality. In other words, a major step forward. And in due time it'll mean nothing whatsoever and we're close to that point.

I'm sorry. OP's as "normal" as you are. So is your brother, for that matter.

I don't want to put words in top PPs mouth, but I think PP means "usual" and "unusual" when PP says "normal" and "not quite normal." Actually the PP says this later on. "Normal" has at least two meanings.

[Anonymous]

Gay people love to complain. It’s one of their characteristics.

[Anonymous]

OH for FFS!

The OP, who I responded to many pages ago, cannot be from DC. Neither can most of the responders on this thread.

It just NORMAL to be gay in DC.

See below:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_demographics_of_the_United_States

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OH for FFS!

The OP, who I responded to many pages ago, cannot be from DC. Neither can most of the responders on this thread.

It just NORMAL to be gay in DC.

See below:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_demographics_of_the_United_States

Maybe in parts of DC proper, but in our non-Montgomery County suburb, we are the only same sex family in our kids' school, the only ones on a 100 member swim team, the only one on the soccer team, etc. It is fine and we've never had a problem, but this is 20 miles from DC.