Kids went off the reservation at Costco tonight

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No shows, no dessert tonight for starters _ and I told the other one he wasn't going to be allowed to go to local income daycare this summer (where little brother goes and he wants to go) because his behavior wasn't good enough for that environment where she can't have big kids who act like babies. I don't even know what else an appropriate punishment is.

To the pp who said we should leave immediately most of this started as we were in the process to leave? How should I handle Then? I felt like I couldn't walk into parking lot befor3 things were under control but ultimately did.

Who has dessert on a Monday night?

Normal people without food issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So tired of the PC police. Really people??

Forget about PC. The phrase was what first caught my attention when I was perusing topics. If you've ever lived in an area of the country where the Native American population is visible and particularly marginalized, and where truly racist people make comments like that (and certainly much worse) routinely you would know that it is far beyond a PC triviality.

[Anonymous]

Part of the problem seems to be that your kids don't see you as having authority over them as a parent. That once you pass the ask nicely and then the warning - that you then can give the look or a sharp tone that means business and they realize their fun is done. By this age, they should recognize that stage and should respect that you are their parent and that they need to do as you ask them.

I think this is the bigger issue and you need to reestablish some measure of authority and respect for that authority. They need bot for the sake of safety, order, and general behavior to know when when they are crossing a line and to know that when you say something, they are expected to follow that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is when you eat canned beans on toast for supper, and stale cereal without milk.

When they cross the line, you pack up and leave immediately. no "just one more chance," no negotiation. Every time, this is the immediate result.

They will stop very quickly.

Wait, what? In this case, that might very well be them winning. Kids get to go home and boring shopping trip aborted.

OP, my very well behaved twins once lost their g-damn minds during a 4 year old well visit. The ped. actually spoke to me about ADHD (which made their teachers later laugh as they have plenty of issues but not ADHD). They had been sitting with me reading books before she came in and when she left totally switched it off and were like, "can you finish the book before we go?" I really almost left them in that room and went home. Weird shit happens.

"Them winning?"

Are you still under the impression that the natural negative associated consequence is the leaving part? Interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is when you eat canned beans on toast for supper, and stale cereal without milk.

When they cross the line, you pack up and leave immediately. no "just one more chance," no negotiation. Every time, this is the immediate result.

They will stop very quickly.

This is bad advice. This works if you are somewhere that the kid thinks as fun. I'm not letting my kid derail grocery shopping. I imagine he would love it if all he had to do was act up a bit and get us to terminate every boring errand immediately.

What I do is go to the parking lot and make the kids sit buckled in their car seats for a timeout. Something like 5 minutes of silence. Any talking and the timer starts all over again. Nobody leaves the car until this is done. Then we try again. Sometimes I play the Economist the week ahead podcast - or something the kids find equally boring.

Whatever happens, I never reward bad behavior by going home to play. That’s stupid. If they think Costco is too boring to behave, they’re going to do something even more boring. Plus, when we get home they get extra chores.

I’ve had to do this exsactly twice. Yes, it sucked for me but parenting is about the long game. My kids know that if I ask them if they need practice behaving, they better listen. I only ask once and I make sure to do it in a very soft calm voice. I don’t yell. I don’t raise my voice and I absolutely never ask unless I’m willing to follow through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Damn you're taking away daycare from summer for this? That's crazy.

+1. This is not the route I’d take. You can use it as a motivator to improve behavior, but don’t use it as negative threats.

This is really dumb. You need an immediate consequence. Taking a summer activity is way too far in the future to be effective.

Also, stop threatening things you don’t want to follow through on. For example if you go home early from a shopping trip, the kids spend the evening cleaning the house. One can wash dishes by hand. The other can scrub toilets. That’s an effective and immediate consequence. You walk in the door and hand them a toilet brush.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OT but, please use "out-of-control" instead of "off the reservation". I didn't know what you meant until I read your post, then I realized what an offensive turn of phrase it is, which I'm sure you didn't realize.

YES. Please remove this phrase from your vocabulary, OP. I opened this thread to see what kind of services one can reserve at Costco, and then was appalled that in 2019, you meant something completely different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OT but, please use "out-of-control" instead of "off the reservation". I didn't know what you meant until I read your post, then I realized what an offensive turn of phrase it is, which I'm sure you didn't realize.

YES. Please remove this phrase from your vocabulary, OP. I opened this thread to see what kind of services one can reserve at Costco, and then was appalled that in 2019, you meant something completely different.

+1000. This is not even in a gray area. Thanks, PP, for calling it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No shows, no dessert tonight for starters _ and I told the other one he wasn't going to be allowed to go to local income daycare this summer (where little brother goes and he wants to go) because his behavior wasn't good enough for that environment where she can't have big kids who act like babies. I don't even know what else an appropriate punishment is.

To the pp who said we should leave immediately most of this started as we were in the process to leave? How should I handle Then? I felt like I couldn't walk into parking lot befor3 things were under control but ultimately did.

Silent treatment for kids is generally not a wise course, some would argue abuse.

Do they normally watch shows every night? Maybe cut that back in general, they are pretty young so should be able be entertained by many other outlets.

Agree with PP — immediate consequence, months away is meaningless.

[Anonymous]

Use Instacart next time and pay 7-15 bucks to have your Costco order delivered. Stay home/go to a park with your toddlers.

Also take an inventory on any cartoons/videos they may be watching on the side.

Good Luck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OT but, please use "out-of-control" instead of "off the reservation". I didn't know what you meant until I read your post, then I realized what an offensive turn of phrase it is, which I'm sure you didn't realize.

YES. Please remove this phrase from your vocabulary, OP. I opened this thread to see what kind of services one can reserve at Costco, and then was appalled that in 2019, you meant something completely different.

Reservations at Costco?

You.cannot.be.that.dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No shows, no dessert tonight for starters _ and I told the other one he wasn't going to be allowed to go to local income daycare this summer (where little brother goes and he wants to go) because his behavior wasn't good enough for that environment where she can't have big kids who act like babies. I don't even know what else an appropriate punishment is.

To the pp who said we should leave immediately most of this started as we were in the process to leave? How should I handle Then? I felt like I couldn't walk into parking lot befor3 things were under control but ultimately did.

Kids need immediate consequences and your first two sound fine. Summer is so far off that I would reconsider that one. Especially if it has benefit to you for him to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No shows, no dessert tonight for starters _ and I told the other one he wasn't going to be allowed to go to local income daycare this summer (where little brother goes and he wants to go) because his behavior wasn't good enough for that environment where she can't have big kids who act like babies. I don't even know what else an appropriate punishment is.

To the pp who said we should leave immediately most of this started as we were in the process to leave? How should I handle Then? I felt like I couldn't walk into parking lot befor3 things were under control but ultimately did.

This is good. I’m glad you had a consequence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OT but, please use "out-of-control" instead of "off the reservation". I didn't know what you meant until I read your post, then I realized what an offensive turn of phrase it is, which I'm sure you didn't realize.

YES. Please remove this phrase from your vocabulary, OP. I opened this thread to see what kind of services one can reserve at Costco, and then was appalled that in 2019, you meant something completely different.

Please get a life.

[Anonymous]

Your three and four year old acted up at Costco on the first really hot day of spring. Stop catastrophizing.