Kids went off the reservation at Costco tonight

[Anonymous]

OP yep you're all right about that phrase, wow hadn't even thought about it before but will drop that one from my vocabulary. I see HRC made similar slip up in 2016 race, it's definitely not a good choice of words though somehow I had never even considered it's obvious roots before.

[Anonymous]

You took them to Costco at the end of the day. It’s going to go poorly. Next time take them earlier in the day, preferably after running them around a park first. And remind them before you go in what behavior you need (everyone will sit in the cart with quiet voices) and what the consequences are for good behavior (we can try all the samples and get pizza for lunch at the end then do X fun thing at home) or bad behavior (we will leave early and go home to have a time out). I also remind mine that if they want to go on outings that are fun for them (badlands, big playgrounds, air and space, etc.) then they need to show me that they can behave on ALL outings. It also helps to have them bring a small toy like a matchbox car to play with in the cart and for you to have your list ready and try to shop quickly. I also try to engage them as we shop, either in asking them to help me make shopping decisions (“If we get this kind of chicken we can eat it for dinner tonight, but this other kind is frozen so we can’t eat it yet. Do you want chicken for today or later in the week?”) or just by engaging them otherwise. Sometimes we tell stories together, other times I’ll ask them silly questions about what they are interested in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No shows, no dessert tonight for starters _ and I told the other one he wasn't going to be allowed to go to local income daycare this summer (where little brother goes and he wants to go) because his behavior wasn't good enough for that environment where she can't have big kids who act like babies. I don't even know what else an appropriate punishment is.

To the pp who said we should leave immediately most of this started as we were in the process to leave? How should I handle Then? I felt like I couldn't walk into parking lot befor3 things were under control but ultimately did.

I do not understand what you are asking. Are you asking how to leave when they first cross a line?

Or are you meaning to say they were absolute angels until you were fully checked out, and then all of this happened like a switch flipped after you were already partway to the car, in the parking lot and fully out of the store:

... go absolutely apesh!t at Costco tonight...jumping in and out of the car, punching and kicking each other … making shooting gun symbols with their hands and pointing them at me, shouting about how they were gonna get me, I was going to be kicked out of our family and sent to jail, sent to the moon, catapulted on top of a building ... I tried so hard to […] keep younger one strapped into seat (he would wriggle free), have older one go sit on bench [in the parking lot, on the way to the car?]and collect himself and count to 10 ... [or] a job like pushing the cart (He refused) _ I just absolutely couldn't contain them.

Leaving isn't punishment. Leaving is natural consequences, and you leave without the food or treats you went there to buy, because you were not able to buy them. And dinner and breakfast are filling enough, but no fun.

And you try again another day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP yep you're all right about that phrase, wow hadn't even thought about it before but will drop that one from my vocabulary. I see HRC made similar slip up in 2016 race, it's definitely not a good choice of words though somehow I had never even considered it's obvious roots before.

+1 Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP yep you're all right about that phrase, wow hadn't even thought about it before but will drop that one from my vocabulary. I see HRC made similar slip up in 2016 race, it's definitely not a good choice of words though somehow I had never even considered it's obvious roots before.

[Anonymous]

You take them out and give them one chance in a time out to calm down. If not, you leave and go back when the other parent can care for the kids or another day when they are calmer or another plan. Its normal at that age to test the limits. You need to be firm and consistent. Mine loved to go with me so I stopped taking them for a few months and it worked as they behaved after that. I am very clear on the rules. We will not buy anything (though sometimes I will) and no acting up.

[Anonymous]

“Off the reservation” is offensive.

[Anonymous]

So tired of the PC police. Really people??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Off the reservation” is offensive.

I thought it was just a random auto correct from "off the rails."

[Anonymous]

“Off the ranch” is also a fine option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No shows, no dessert tonight for starters _ and I told the other one he wasn't going to be allowed to go to local income daycare this summer (where little brother goes and he wants to go) because his behavior wasn't good enough for that environment where she can't have big kids who act like babies. I don't even know what else an appropriate punishment is.

To the pp who said we should leave immediately most of this started as we were in the process to leave? How should I handle Then? I felt like I couldn't walk into parking lot befor3 things were under control but ultimately did.

This was, at most, a half hour of misbehavior. The kid is FOUR. The punishment needs to end today. You can't extend it to this summer. You can't pile on sixteen different things for ONE bad outting. Chill out. No shows and no dessert is plenty.

[Anonymous]

Damn you're taking away daycare from summer for this? That's crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OT but, please use "out-of-control" instead of "off the reservation". I didn't know what you meant until I read your post, then I realized what an offensive turn of phrase it is, which I'm sure you didn't realize.

NP. Thank you for flagging this. We need to eliminate this phrase.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No shows, no dessert tonight for starters _ and I told the other one he wasn't going to be allowed to go to local income daycare this summer (where little brother goes and he wants to go) because his behavior wasn't good enough for that environment where she can't have big kids who act like babies. I don't even know what else an appropriate punishment is.

To the pp who said we should leave immediately most of this started as we were in the process to leave? How should I handle Then? I felt like I couldn't walk into parking lot befor3 things were under control but ultimately did.

This was, at most, a half hour of misbehavior. The kid is FOUR. The punishment needs to end today. You can't extend it to this summer. You can't pile on sixteen different things for ONE bad outting. Chill out. No shows and no dessert is plenty.

'
THIS. Taking away summer childcare makes zero sense in this context. Let it all go. This is done with and you all survived.

PS Don't go to costco on weeknights with little kids. They are tired, you are tired, everyone is tired. If you need dinner and MUST go to a grocery store in the evening, you need to have your game ready to go. Get them something they can drink or eat while in the cart, and everyone has to stay in the cart, with a nice bribe for right afterward.

These years are hard, OP. HARD. But they get easier. I can send my teen out to get things at the store now! I can grocery shop with my tween and it is easy peasy. You will get there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So tired of the PC police. Really people??

Yes, really. I'm glad that people who hadn't thought of it before are realizing just how hurtful & offensive this is.