To the Women Who Look at me with Disdain, go to &^$*(

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I simply cannot resist responding to all this. I realize this will elicit some dreadful retorts. I'm quite certain I'm the wealthiest woman/person (self made) at my son's school and have one of the highest net worths in the metro DC area and no one would ever know by the way I dress. This stuff is so trivial, nonsense, silly. Truly rich people and, frankly, secure people actually play this down big time. I go out of my way to look middle class, if you can believe it. I'm terrified my son will grow up with a philosophy of entitlement. I busted my ass in buiness school and on Wall Street. I want him to live up to his potential and work as hard as his parents have. I desperately want him to have middle class values. His only real luxury/priviledge is a private school education. OP, totally ignore the stares and just realize there's more than likely nothing there. She's playing a role -- wealthy-looking suburban mom -- and give her credit for how well she executes on it. It's a bit theatre. Take joy in who you are and focus on the things that matter. On the other hand, I am sorry for anyone who is truly financially insecure these days, especially moms who live paycheck to paycheck and struggle to do the best for their children. If you only knew how truly rich people (net worth >$100MM) see some of these archtypes you're referring to, you'd have a good laugh. Truly wealthy people generally go out of there way to look, well, like everyone else. Life is short, focus on what matters -- the health of children and family, achievement and growth and self-defined success. I'll get off the soapbox.

Well then, Wealthy Middle Class Dresser, I hope you donate some of your hard-earned money to those in need.

Really, PP, you are so completely insincere by posting. If you really didn't think highly of yourself, you would have just read the thread and moved on. But obviously you felt the need to "share" how success has not damaged you.

I wonder what a psychologist would make of your post?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I simply cannot resist responding to all this. I realize this will elicit some dreadful retorts. I'm quite certain I'm the wealthiest woman/person (self made) at my son's school and have one of the highest net worths in the metro DC area and no one would ever know by the way I dress. This stuff is so trivial, nonsense, silly. Truly rich people and, frankly, secure people actually play this down big time. I go out of my way to look middle class, if you can believe it. I'm terrified my son will grow up with a philosophy of entitlement. I busted my ass in buiness school and on Wall Street. I want him to live up to his potential and work as hard as his parents have. I desperately want him to have middle class values. His only real luxury/priviledge is a private school education. OP, totally ignore the stares and just realize there's more than likely nothing there. She's playing a role -- wealthy-looking suburban mom -- and give her credit for how well she executes on it. It's a bit theatre. Take joy in who you are and focus on the things that matter. On the other hand, I am sorry for anyone who is truly financially insecure these days, especially moms who live paycheck to paycheck and struggle to do the best for their children. If you only knew how truly rich people (net worth >$100MM) see some of these archtypes you're referring to, you'd have a good laugh. Truly wealthy people generally go out of there way to look, well, like everyone else. Life is short, focus on what matters -- the health of children and family, achievement and growth and self-defined success. I'll get off the soapbox.

Well then, Wealthy Middle Class Dresser, I hope you donate some of your hard-earned money to those in need.

Really, PP, you are so completely insincere by posting. If you really didn't think highly of yourself, you would have just read the thread and moved on. But obviously you felt the need to "share" how success has not damaged you.

I wonder what a psychologist would make of your post?

I disagree that this poster "thinks highly of herself." I think she's just making the point that she doesn't feel the need to rub her wealth in other people's faces by 1) displaying her spending power; or 2) making someone else feel bad for wearing a sweat suit to drop off. Good for her for downplaying her financial status and for wanting to keep her child's values intact.

I'm with the OP: if I want to show up in sweats, I should be able to do that without getting cold looks from other parents. I feel for the poster who walks around with a knot in her stomach, worried about her financial situation. I just found out my mother has cancer and my 4 yo neice is hospitalized with a dangerous case of swine flu. Some friends of ours' daughter was just diagnosed with bipolar disorder. My husband is waiting to find out if he's on the list to be laid off from his company next week. So if I show up at drop off looking like crap, I really don't give a rat's a** if someone looks down on me. Walk in my shoes and then decide if my appearance is an affront to your sense of aesthetics.

[Anonymous]

Good luck to your husband -- that's really stressful. I hope his name is not on the layoff list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good luck to your husband -- that's really stressful. I hope his name is not on the layoff list.

Thank you - I appreciate that. Our fingers are crossed (but hard to do that, in a way, knowing that if it's not him, it could be a colleague...)

[Anonymous]

OP here. Can you guys please stop getting on the soapbox poster's case? I had no problem with her post at all. I get her point. I do. And I was comforted by it!

Why did I mention that we are doctor/lawyer...it's not to say we deserve respect. It is to point out that even though we are educated and are financially doing fine, we DON"T HAVE to dress as though we are. So people should not judge us based on our clothing.

To answer other PP's -
Yes, my hair was not combed that morning. I only had time to put it in a ponytail. I had no makeup on. So maybe it was more that my awful sweatsuit. But who cares?

Am I insecure. Maybe. I'm not complaining ONLY about dirty looks when I dress bad. I'm also complaining about ill treatment, such as at the Galleria's fine stores. I should be able to walk into Neimans or Bloomingdales in my costco sweatsuit and get the same good help from a saleswoman as somebody coming in a fur coat. Why not?

Why did I mention she drove a Toyota? Because MOST toyota's are mid-priced cars that are not show-offy. So if that woman drove a less than flashy car, why look down at me when I, too, look less than flashy?

I do not dress extravagantly, not ever. Daily wear includes jeans or slacks, sweater. My bag is an oversized coach bag and sometimes I wear 12 year old coach or gucci shoes. I drive a toyota too, and it's NOT a landcruiser. I should be able to dress this way or in my $40 sweatsuit and be treated the same.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to understand reality - and that is you are judged visually because people see you before they hear you. You also, even though you may not know it, are steered toward or away from people who don't match your expectations. You are not going to go to a makeup counter where the salesperson has applied her makeup with a trowel and you are not going to feel comfortable at night on a street with a dangerous looking man. You make those same judgements.

To dress casually is one thing - to go out with less than minimal grooming standards is another. There is a huge difference between dressing casually and dressing sloppily. You can't expect people to be psychic and know that underneath the lack of effort is a professional. Not making an effort is a lack of respect for the place and people.

In terms of your surprise at the Galleria, salespeople are assuming that if you do not appear concerned about your appearance, then you certainly aren't interested in buying anything.

Obviously, this is something that bothers you, hence the thread. It is unrealistic to expect the world to change. If you want respect, you need to show others that you respect yourself by dressing more appropriately. It really doesn't take alot of effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Can you guys please stop getting on the soapbox poster's case? I had no problem with her post at all. I get her point. I do. And I was comforted by it!

Why did I mention that we are doctor/lawyer...it's not to say we deserve respect. It is to point out that even though we are educated and are financially doing fine, we DON"T HAVE to dress as though we are. So people should not judge us based on our clothing.

To answer other PP's -
Yes, my hair was not combed that morning. I only had time to put it in a ponytail. I had no makeup on. So maybe it was more that my awful sweatsuit. But who cares?

Am I insecure. Maybe. I'm not complaining ONLY about dirty looks when I dress bad. I'm also complaining about ill treatment, such as at the Galleria's fine stores. I should be able to walk into Neimans or Bloomingdales in my costco sweatsuit and get the same good help from a saleswoman as somebody coming in a fur coat. Why not?

Why did I mention she drove a Toyota? Because MOST toyota's are mid-priced cars that are not show-offy. So if that woman drove a less than flashy car, why look down at me when I, too, look less than flashy?

I do not dress extravagantly, not ever. Daily wear includes jeans or slacks, sweater. My bag is an oversized coach bag and sometimes I wear 12 year old coach or gucci shoes. I drive a toyota too, and it's NOT a landcruiser. I should be able to dress this way or in my $40 sweatsuit and be treated the same.

Re-read your own post and think about what it says about your attitudes toward people who have less than you do. Basically, it seems like your grievance is that you weren't recognized as an affluent, well-educated, successful person in disguise and were treated as if you were really a poor person. And, what's worse, this treatment came from status inferiors (saleswomen in fine stores) or status equals (the other Toyota-driving mom at school). Yes, some days it must be burdensome to have to display your wealth at every moment in order to get the special treatment you think it should entitle you to.

[Anonymous]

In an ideal world, appearance would not matter. But in the real world, it does. You seem to think that you if you refuse to spend time on grooming, you will be treated the same as someone who has actually spent time on grooming. Good luck with that one! No one expects you to be glamorous all of the time, but if you don't spend any time on grooming, people may assume that you lack self respect or that you are lazy or sloppy. And if they think you are sloppy or lazy, they may have no inclination to get to know you. Perhaps they would be wrong in that assumption and perhaps it's their loss, but D.C. is a busy place and people make split second decisions all the time. No has time to contemplate whether you are just lazy/sloppy or whether you are simply hiding your inner beauty under your $40 Costco sweatsuit!

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Can you guys please stop getting on the soapbox poster's case? I had no problem with her post at all. I get her point. I do. And I was comforted by it!

Why did I mention that we are doctor/lawyer...it's not to say we deserve respect. It is to point out that even though we are educated and are financially doing fine, we DON"T HAVE to dress as though we are. So people should not judge us based on our clothing.

To answer other PP's -
Yes, my hair was not combed that morning. I only had time to put it in a ponytail. I had no makeup on. So maybe it was more that my awful sweatsuit. But who cares?

Am I insecure. Maybe. I'm not complaining ONLY about dirty looks when I dress bad. I'm also complaining about ill treatment, such as at the Galleria's fine stores. I should be able to walk into Neimans or Bloomingdales in my costco sweatsuit and get the same good help from a saleswoman as somebody coming in a fur coat. Why not?

Why did I mention she drove a Toyota? Because MOST toyota's are mid-priced cars that are not show-offy. So if that woman drove a less than flashy car, why look down at me when I, too, look less than flashy?

I do not dress extravagantly, not ever. Daily wear includes jeans or slacks, sweater. My bag is an oversized coach bag and sometimes I wear 12 year old coach or gucci shoes. I drive a toyota too, and it's NOT a landcruiser. I should be able to dress this way or in my $40 sweatsuit and be treated the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Can you guys please stop getting on the soapbox poster's case? I had no problem with her post at all. I get her point. I do. And I was comforted by it!

Why did I mention that we are doctor/lawyer...it's not to say we deserve respect. It is to point out that even though we are educated and are financially doing fine, we DON"T HAVE to dress as though we are. So people should not judge us based on our clothing.

To answer other PP's -
Yes, my hair was not combed that morning. I only had time to put it in a ponytail. I had no makeup on. So maybe it was more that my awful sweatsuit. But who cares?

Am I insecure. Maybe. I'm not complaining ONLY about dirty looks when I dress bad. I'm also complaining about ill treatment, such as at the Galleria's fine stores. I should be able to walk into Neimans or Bloomingdales in my costco sweatsuit and get the same good help from a saleswoman as somebody coming in a fur coat. Why not?

Why did I mention she drove a Toyota? Because MOST toyota's are mid-priced cars that are not show-offy. So if that woman drove a less than flashy car, why look down at me when I, too, look less than flashy?

I do not dress extravagantly, not ever. Daily wear includes jeans or slacks, sweater. My bag is an oversized coach bag and sometimes I wear 12 year old coach or gucci shoes. I drive a toyota too, and it's NOT a landcruiser. I should be able to dress this way or in my $40 sweatsuit and be treated the same.

Now do me a favor and add Black skin on top of that. You would commit suicide. Welcome to my world honey!

[Anonymous]

Read the "Four Agreements" all of you! Anything you are feeling is your own "story". If you think people are looking at you with disdain because of the way you dress - it's YOUR issue. On any given day I can look like a slob or a million bucks. I do not care what people think about me - I am secure in my own skin (or try to be). If you were at a black tie event in those clothes and people were staring at you - well, that makes sense. But stop being so paranoid, you obviously are insecure, OP.

[Anonymous]

Just getting back to this thread after some time away. Wow, some really nasty responses from both sides. I get what you're talking about OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, perhaps the problem isn't that you're wearing inexpensive clothing, the problem may be that you look inappropriate. Clothing doesn't have to be expensive to look nice--sounds like you just look like a slob with an attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, perhaps the problem isn't that you're wearing inexpensive clothing, the problem may be that you look inappropriate. Clothing doesn't have to be expensive to look nice--sounds like you just look like a slob with an attitude.

I agree. Plus her going off with nasty comments about other people's cars... Yuck.

[Anonymous]

I haven't checked this in a long time. At least we got through 3 pages with few or no nasty posters! is that a record for DCUM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In an ideal world, appearance would not matter. But in the real world, it does. You seem to think that you if you refuse to spend time on grooming, you will be treated the same as someone who has actually spent time on grooming.

I'm a totally casual dresser, and overweight to boot (which means casual doesn't always look great on me). I completely agree with the above post. OP, you can be casual, comfortable, but still look put together like you care. If I can do it, I'm sure you can. And on those off-days where when you don't care about clothing/grooming because everything else sucks anyway, are you really paying attention to how people are looking at you? I know I'm not...I'm just trying to make it through the day.