To the Women Who Look at me with Disdain, go to &^$*(

[Anonymous]

I just came back from drop off. I saw another thread on good look parents and it fueled my frustration and anger so I decided to write this. I was not feeling particularly well this morning but I still had to drop my child off. I wasn't sick or anything, just feeling tired. It's a cold, rainy, drear morning. So I put on my warmest sweatsuit....a cheap velour sweatsuit from COSTCO that I usually only wear around the house. Usually I dress reasonably well when I am out and about. Our child attends an expensive private school and we are doing fine financially.

I am walking back to my car and this mother passes by in her car and looks UP AND DOWN AT MY CLOTHING, NOT ONCE BUT TWICE, with utter disdain. Mind you, she's driving a toyota herself. This is not the first time this has happened at my school or in this locality I live in. Several times I had to run into the Galleria (tysons corner mall) in a sweatsuit. I was given horrible looks by many people there, particular the saleswomen at Bloomingdales, who repeatedly speak to me in such sarcastic or a dismissive tone.

To all those parents who judge humans by the clothing we wear, go to hell, really. We are entitled to have an off day. We are entitled to dress down sometimes. So long as our clothing is clean, and our body and hair are clean, it should not matter to you what we wear. It should not matter if our clothing comes from Neimans or Target or Costco. What's it to you, really? My husband and I are doctor/lawyer and we do just fine financially. We do not need to dress like we do though. Next time if I see you looking at me up and down with disdain I'll ask you if you have a problem. If you have a spine, you'll tell me...and then the fun will begin where I get to tell you off.

[Anonymous]

Why let people like this get you angry? Ignore them -- they're fools.

[Anonymous]

There's a good article about anger in today's USA Today pp. There's no need to get so angry about a perceived look you may or may not have gotten. And, why do you care? If you and your husband are happy as "doctor/lawyer" as you say -- then just move on.

I know my own mother gets mad that I often look like hell. I always am clean and pay a ton for the best highlights in town -- but I tend to wear black all of the time. I was gang attacked as a teenager just walking home from school. I wonder if you may have had some abuse as a child because you don't seem to care what you might look like.

[Anonymous]

Seriously, why do you care? People who look at you like that are losers. Clearly they have nothing more important going on in their lives that they have the time to look you up and down once, much less twice AND make a face. Seriously, anyone that ridiculous is not worth even one tiny passing thought from you, much less this much of your time and emotions.

-signed a goodlooking poster who posted on the "goodlooking" thread who loves her sweats and ponytails.

[Anonymous]

Also, just think that although they may look like they wear expensive clothes, you have no idea what their real financial circumstances are. Coming from Miami, where people looked amazing in their designer outfits and fancy cars but are in major debt, I have learned that what people wear and drive means nothing about their financial security. Of course, even if snobby mommy was financially fine, she is just mean and shallow. Don't worry about it--there are a lot of other kind, good, substantive parents out there.

[Anonymous]

Whoa OP I hope you feel better soon and I hope you get perspective. Who cares what people think, except the ones we love?

[Anonymous]

What are you, 16? The fact that you even care what people think about you at this stage in your life means you have deeper issues. I think that rant is rooted in your insecurity, not the other woman's judgment.

[Anonymous]

and I was at a party the other night for our Big 3 school and parents showed in GASP jeans. The joke was on the rest of us stiffs as they were comfortable in their own skin and I made my DH wear a tie/blazer against his will. Be true to thine ownself and worry about something better than what people think about you.

[Anonymous]

I'm at a top school, and the longer my kid is there, the more I realize I don't need to try so hard. I always think everyone is dressed so nice, but really I'm looking at a couple moms who are totally put together, and ignoring the moms in regular jeans and a sweater. Some moms actually work (gasp!), and tend to look a little better in the morning. Others are wearing sweats or jeans for drop-off, many of these have told me that they don't walk their kids in because they look so bad, so no one ever sees them. The other night I went to school event in jeans - I didn't change to go to school. And I still fit in. Yes, there were women in skirts or dressy pants. But there were a lot of other people in casual clothes. Amazing what you notice when you stop looking at the two dressed-up people in the room and actually look around.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they looked you up and down because they liked your sweatsuit and thought it looked comfortable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm at a top school, and the longer my kid is there, the more I realize I don't need to try so hard. I always think everyone is dressed so nice, but really I'm looking at a couple moms who are totally put together, and ignoring the moms in regular jeans and a sweater. Some moms actually work (gasp!), and tend to look a little better in the morning. Others are wearing sweats or jeans for drop-off, many of these have told me that they don't walk their kids in because they look so bad, so no one ever sees them. The other night I went to school event in jeans - I didn't change to go to school. And I still fit in. Yes, there were women in skirts or dressy pants. But there were a lot of other people in casual clothes. Amazing what you notice when you stop looking at the two dressed-up people in the room and actually look around.

Amen. I realized after 3 years at my DC's old school that the people you always notice first are the ones gussied up in designer clothes, with expensive handbags, driving Bentleys and BMWs. They stand out because they want to stand out - that's their goal. Those people exist at every school. However, as the poster above so rightly notes, once you shift your attention from the look-at-me types, most people actually look pretty normal. I don't care what anyone thinks of me. I'm probably one of the wealthiest people at my kid's school (family money), but I'm undercover - I wear jeans & sneaks and drive a basic car. And I like it that way.

[Anonymous]

I wish I was well-off, or rich, or financially secure. the knot i walk around with in my stomach on a daily basis, while I worry about money is ruining me. and I cant keep DS in a school he loves because we cant afford it. So, the most important thing in the world for me to do (educate my children) I am not able to do. So, on top of probably soon losing my job (different topic), no financial security and anxiety, I now have to face how I have currently failed as a parent.

blech. and this is just the thread I chose to post on. It just reminds me of how differnet we all are and how problems are truly relative....

[Anonymous]

Wow, you pay way too much attention to what others think. Relax and be yourself. If you are comforable in your Costco velour suit, that's all that matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mind you, she's driving a toyota herself.

If you think people should be less judgemental, why do you mention her car?

[Anonymous]

The dig at the other parent for driving a Toyota made me laugh. When I was in college I wanted to drive a Mercedes. Now that I could easily afford a Mercedes, I drive a Toyota Prius instead. Never thought anyone would judge me for that!