A lot of nannies suck

[Anonymous]

Half the parents at my local playground do the same thing. Should I call CPS? /s

My nanny is on her phone sometimes. As long as she's not ALWAYS on her phone (and she isn't, as confirmed by neighbors and friends who see her out and about with my toddler in our neighborhood), I don't really care. I'm not 100% engaged with my kid when I'm with him and I don't expect her to be.

I'm sure there are nannies who ignore their charge in favor of their phones. But I'm not going to jump on the "OMG you're hiring a nanny to neglect your child! Shame on you, working moms, why did you even have kids!" bandwagon, so nice try.

[Anonymous]

I honestly wonder if I should have called CPS over what I saw some mothers do during my SAH years.

That time disabused me of any notion that SAHPs were universally good parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL @ all these SAHMs being like "of course I'm on my phone! I need a break! It's sooooo hard!" and in the next breath talking about how enriched their kids are by them staying home all day.

Both can be true. Being a SAHM is a 24/7 job. Everyone needs a break. You don't get a set lunch break or office hours as you do at work.

Ahh, the martyr SAHM. Good to see you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL @ all these SAHMs being like "of course I'm on my phone! I need a break! It's sooooo hard!" and in the next breath talking about how enriched their kids are by them staying home all day.

Both can be true. Being a SAHM is a 24/7 job. Everyone needs a break. You don't get a set lunch break or office hours as you do at work.

Ahh, the martyr SAHM. Good to see you!

Actually, I'm not a SAHP. Typing this from work, where I am using a quick break to counter your judgmental attitude. Everyone does need a break.

[Anonymous]

OP I agree with you.

A lot of nannies suck.
BUT
A lot of SAHMs suck too.
AND
A lot of Daycares also suck.

As a parent we have to sleuth through bad decisions/nannies/daycares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL @ all these SAHMs being like "of course I'm on my phone! I need a break! It's sooooo hard!" and in the next breath talking about how enriched their kids are by them staying home all day.

I’m not one of the SAHM’s talking about how enriched my kids are. BUT I don’t see why you think SAHM’s aren’t allowed a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup. My kids are older, but I was a SAHM for many years. I remember seeing these nannies at the park zoning out on their phones while their little charge yelled for them from the monkey bars to come catch them.

But the camp counselors were worse. They were more engaged with the kids, but they were yelling at the kids constantly and talking smack about certain kids in the group in a loud voice. Maybe it was just the camps I saw, but I didn't like what I saw. That's why I never sent my kids to day camps in the summer. I saw the other side of these "enrichment camps" at parks, and pools.

I saw similar things. However, I used to pass by a full-day preschool pretty regularly, and every time I passed by it seemed like the kids were being actively watched by multiple people and cared for and seemed really happy. I knew that was where i wanted to send my kid.

PP here. Not saying all daycares are good. There's one in home I drive by where the provider is always outside yakking on her phone during the middle of the day and i know she's the only one watching the kids.

She's leaving the kids inside unsupervised?!

Maybe she’s talking on the phone outside because the kids are napping? My in home had the kids on a schedule. After she finished lunch clean up and prepped afternoon snacks and activities, she would talk on the phone on the front stoop and eat her own lunch with a baby monitor next to her. Seems totally normal and reasonable to me. What is she supposed to do - sit in a dim room and stare at my sleeping child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup. My kids are older, but I was a SAHM for many years. I remember seeing these nannies at the park zoning out on their phones while their little charge yelled for them from the monkey bars to come catch them.

But the camp counselors were worse. They were more engaged with the kids, but they were yelling at the kids constantly and talking smack about certain kids in the group in a loud voice. Maybe it was just the camps I saw, but I didn't like what I saw. That's why I never sent my kids to day camps in the summer. I saw the other side of these "enrichment camps" at parks, and pools.

I saw similar things. However, I used to pass by a full-day preschool pretty regularly, and every time I passed by it seemed like the kids were being actively watched by multiple people and cared for and seemed really happy. I knew that was where i wanted to send my kid.

PP here. Not saying all daycares are good. There's one in home I drive by where the provider is always outside yakking on her phone during the middle of the day and i know she's the only one watching the kids.

She's leaving the kids inside unsupervised?!

Maybe she’s talking on the phone outside because the kids are napping? My in home had the kids on a schedule. After she finished lunch clean up and prepped afternoon snacks and activities, she would talk on the phone on the front stoop and eat her own lunch with a baby monitor next to her. Seems totally normal and reasonable to me. What is she supposed to do - sit in a dim room and stare at my sleeping child?

In Maryland if they are licensed they need to be on the same floor. They can’t exit the building, even with a monitor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you're paying crappy wages to some immigrant who barely speaks English to watch your kid, and you expect her to care as much about your kid as you do?

Good luck with that.

45K/yr is crappy?

Yes. Look up the cost of living in your state, doubt its below $60K.

[Anonymous]

65 hours a week? I hope they are paying you well. That is way too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup. My kids are older, but I was a SAHM for many years. I remember seeing these nannies at the park zoning out on their phones while their little charge yelled for them from the monkey bars to come catch them.

But the camp counselors were worse. They were more engaged with the kids, but they were yelling at the kids constantly and talking smack about certain kids in the group in a loud voice. Maybe it was just the camps I saw, but I didn't like what I saw. That's why I never sent my kids to day camps in the summer. I saw the other side of these "enrichment camps" at parks, and pools.

I saw similar things. However, I used to pass by a full-day preschool pretty regularly, and every time I passed by it seemed like the kids were being actively watched by multiple people and cared for and seemed really happy. I knew that was where i wanted to send my kid.

PP here. Not saying all daycares are good. There's one in home I drive by where the provider is always outside yakking on her phone during the middle of the day and i know she's the only one watching the kids.

She's leaving the kids inside unsupervised?!

Maybe she’s talking on the phone outside because the kids are napping? My in home had the kids on a schedule. After she finished lunch clean up and prepped afternoon snacks and activities, she would talk on the phone on the front stoop and eat her own lunch with a baby monitor next to her. Seems totally normal and reasonable to me. What is she supposed to do - sit in a dim room and stare at my sleeping child?

Not preferable, IMO to have her yakking away on the front stoop. There are plenty of setups I've seen where there are other rooms in clear view of the sleeping room and the provider can work in her office or eat/clean in the kitchen while having a clear view of all the kids and being very close by. Also, I think inhomes where there is a fulltime assistant are vastly preferable for a variety of reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup. My kids are older, but I was a SAHM for many years. I remember seeing these nannies at the park zoning out on their phones while their little charge yelled for them from the monkey bars to come catch them.

But the camp counselors were worse. They were more engaged with the kids, but they were yelling at the kids constantly and talking smack about certain kids in the group in a loud voice. Maybe it was just the camps I saw, but I didn't like what I saw. That's why I never sent my kids to day camps in the summer. I saw the other side of these "enrichment camps" at parks, and pools.

I saw similar things. However, I used to pass by a full-day preschool pretty regularly, and every time I passed by it seemed like the kids were being actively watched by multiple people and cared for and seemed really happy. I knew that was where i wanted to send my kid.

PP here. Not saying all daycares are good. There's one in home I drive by where the provider is always outside yakking on her phone during the middle of the day and i know she's the only one watching the kids.

She's leaving the kids inside unsupervised?!

Maybe she’s talking on the phone outside because the kids are napping? My in home had the kids on a schedule. After she finished lunch clean up and prepped afternoon snacks and activities, she would talk on the phone on the front stoop and eat her own lunch with a baby monitor next to her. Seems totally normal and reasonable to me. What is she supposed to do - sit in a dim room and stare at my sleeping child?

In Maryland if they are licensed they need to be on the same floor. They can’t exit the building, even with a monitor.

This is Virginia where this lady is. I know her daycare is on the basement and she's standing outside the main level of her house yakking away. But she's not state-licensed, just FFX county licensed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Enjoyed reading all the responses.

The nannies I see at these play areas usually have kids 3 and under. Kids this age usually need a little more supervision since they tend to parallel play more than play with each other. It's really sad because I see the kids coming up to their nannies to play and the nanny just brushes them off and tells them to play by themselves.

I'm not a career nanny or a mom but I do nanny during my breaks from school for other families. I'm also getting my doctorate in child psychology so I'm not an expert but I know a thing or two about kids.

OP, I hope you save this post so you can come back and laugh at it when you have kids of your own.

Oh, I see, you are getting your doctorate! Come back when you have a few years of hands on experience with either your kids or as a nanny. I do think you will come back and laugh at your post.

As plenty people are laughing at her now.

I'm not laughing. What she's saying is true, although I do see OP's undertone of not really "getting" how hard it is to be a long term caregiver.

Also, it's super easy to tell who is a nanny and who is a parent, because if you wait for like 5 minutes (as one would at a playground or story time) you will hear the child refer to the adult as either "mom" or "Sonia". Most kids don't call their parents by their first name. Also, when you go to story time and more than half the caregivers are dark-skinned, in their 50s, and speak with an accent, you can bet all the white 2 and 3 year olds running around are not their own children.

Your experience is very different from mine. I see worse parenting from actual parents and the terrible nannies I see are actually au pairs who have no idea how to take care of children. They are usually very young, cannot speak English and want to hang with their friends or be on their phone. The older nannies you are referring to, have in my experience, been the most active and engaged with the children in their care.

+1

When I stayed home, this was my experience. The worst were actual parents, which was depressing. Next were the au pairs.

+1 Au pairs know it doesn't matter if they do a crummy job because this isn't their career, and a lot of them are clueless and have no real interest in children.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you surprised that people with nannies are a little defensive about what you said? I'm not. Try as they might, they can't really know what the nanny/au pair/babysitter/daycare does all day unless they put a go pro on their kid or hire a private investigator.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you surprised that people with nannies are a little defensive about what you said? I'm not. Try as they might, they can't really know what the nanny/au pair/babysitter/daycare does all day unless they put a go pro on their kid or hire a private investigator.

It's just common sense. Nobody is going to take care of your child like you would. It's just a business transaction. You just have to hope that you don't end up with an abusive nanny. Especially dangerous when the child is too young to speak.