Which is worse- Snapchat, Instagram, or tiktok? 12 year old

[Anonymous]

Imo tik tok is not as bad as media makes out. It can be more creative and fun and the messaging and social aspect of it is kind of weak. It’s more interactive - learning the dances etc - it’s funny and entertaining.

Instagram and snap chat I’ve seen way more drama. It seems more insecurity creating. I’ve seen mean things on there. Mostly on the stories with instagram . Between the two - at least Instagram can be monitored though.

I feel like hard bans are bad though - social media is inevitable and it’s better to allow them one venue in middle school years and see how they do and have open dialogue.

[Anonymous]

DS 14 follows his friends on instagram
DD 11 and her friends post their stuff on tiktoc but DD's account is locked down meaning she has to accept followers, and she is only allowed to accept people she knows at school.

I check both their phones intermittently. I also "follow" DD's tictok so I know what she's posting on there. I check her phone to see what she's seeing. It's an imperfect system, and I know she's accidentally seen not so great things on youtube, and when I found out, she was banned for a year or so from it not just to be punitive, but also because I couldn't youtube. I did put parental filters on it, but the stuff she wants to follow like life hacks seem to be blocked. In any case, I figure she also sees and hears not so great things at school, too, and I can't put a bubble around her. So, I have very candid and frequent conversations with both my kids about internet safety.

[Anonymous]

No social media until high school.

[Anonymous]

My 12 year old has no social media accounts, they aren't old enough for them. Does watch TikTok links that the friends all text around but doesn't have their own account.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a middle school counselor and also have a rising 7th grader. I don't allow ANY social media. Not because it is "unsafe", but because of what I've seen it do to kids. I've had kids nearly suicidal over what they see on social media. They see other kids who post pictures where they are excluded and left out. I gave kids who are comparing their lives against others. The gifts they get the trips they go on, the list of material comparisons goes on and on. Even adults struggle with envy, feeling left out and the resulting loneliness that social media causes. You know what kids I don't see? The ones not on social media. I have some kids that dont care about social media, are not on it, and are happy. Each year the drama and social problems from social media get worse and worse and for a kid sitting at home alone on a Saturday night looking at snapchat or Instagram of what appears to be EVERYONE having the time of their LIVES while they didn't get an invite is a huge huge deal to a 13yr old. Most adults struggle in this scenario.To a teen or tween it feels utterly catastrophic.

I deal with these conversations, tears, stress and sadness over it on a daily basis. Why intentionally introduce into your young adults world something that will potentially make them feel depressed and inadequate? They are already insecure. This magnifies it. Give them the gift of allowing their brains and emotional intelligence time go mature before throwing them to the wolves.

Great parent and great counselor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't let my kids have social media until HS. My HS DC decided to only have Instagram. DC report that kids are meaner on Snapchat and stupider on Tiktok, but TikTok also has the problem of sending data to China.

It is a Chinese owned company and kind of creepy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Instagram is FULL of porn. Videos and photos with full nudity
It also has cutting and anorexia and suicidal people all over it posting very disturbing content
At least snap chat is not introducing them to adult content in the same way

lololololol

[Anonymous]

No social media until high school (maybe)

[Anonymous]

Tik tok 1st but back when it was musical.ly and more harmless. (Gr.5)
Then instagram in grade 7.
Maybe snapchat in grade 8 but that's the one I feel really strongly against.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a middle school counselor and also have a rising 7th grader. I don't allow ANY social media. Not because it is "unsafe", but because of what I've seen it do to kids. I've had kids nearly suicidal over what they see on social media. They see other kids who post pictures where they are excluded and left out. I gave kids who are comparing their lives against others. The gifts they get the trips they go on, the list of material comparisons goes on and on. Even adults struggle with envy, feeling left out and the resulting loneliness that social media causes. You know what kids I don't see? The ones not on social media. I have some kids that dont care about social media, are not on it, and are happy. Each year the drama and social problems from social media get worse and worse and for a kid sitting at home alone on a Saturday night looking at snapchat or Instagram of what appears to be EVERYONE having the time of their LIVES while they didn't get an invite is a huge huge deal to a 13yr old. Most adults struggle in this scenario.To a teen or tween it feels utterly catastrophic.

I deal with these conversations, tears, stress and sadness over it on a daily basis. Why intentionally introduce into your young adults world something that will potentially make them feel depressed and inadequate? They are already insecure. This magnifies it. Give them the gift of allowing their brains and emotional intelligence time go mature before throwing them to the wolves.

Great parent and great counselor.

These problems seem a lot more minimal in my child's 7-12 school, I know the principal and school counsellor. There is plenty of boyfriend tears but not the catastrophe you speak of over exclusion. Then again where I am in Canada there is a lot less culture of forcing little kids to include everyone, even people they don't like. When parents lose the ability to control bigger kids, and these bigger kids start doing what they want, the kids who were less liked in the first place are suddenly on the out. Some things are easier to learn when young. My child was left out sometimes when she was young, but adjusting this in lower elementary was huge. It's harder to tell a teen in hormone related identity crisis why kids might not be including them.

Plus lots of these kids have way more going on that just being left out. I do not think this is a social media problem. If they didn't see the pictures they would still know. At least I did growing up pre smartphones (almost pre internet lol).

But it is okay for kids to know and see differences exist. Just a lot easier to start when young, when there's less on the line. I think parenting has a much bigger influence than banning social media. I can imagine your job is stressful. But I don't think the problem is just social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Instagram is FULL of porn. Videos and photos with full nudity
It also has cutting and anorexia and suicidal people all over it posting very disturbing content
At least snap chat is not introducing them to adult content in the same way

Read the news from this past week about fcps high schools and snapchat.

No. Social. Media. For. Elementary. Kids. Or. Middle. Schoolers.

What news?

[Anonymous]

It's all unnecessary for middle schoolers, and unhealthy, too:

Instagram Face / body image / narcissism: https://www.newyorker.com/culture/decade-in-review/the-age-of-instagram-face

SnapChat / Mental Health:

https://informaconnect.com/the-dangers-of-snapchat-on-mental-health/

https://braveparenting.net/5-reasons-why-no-child-needs-snapchat/


Tik Tok / Exploitation / National Security:

https://www.scarymommy.com/parents-beware-dangers-tiktok/

https://onezero.medium.com/the-app-that-exposes-teens-to-catcalls-and-harassment-tiktok-musically-d98be52c6ff1

https://www.reuters.com/article/us-tiktok-cfius-exclusive/exclusive-u-s-opens-national-security-investigation-into-tiktok-sources-idUSKBN1XB4IL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's all unnecessary for middle schoolers, and unhealthy, too:

Instagram Face / body image / narcissism: https://www.newyorker.com/culture/decade-in-review/the-age-of-instagram-face

SnapChat / Mental Health:

https://informaconnect.com/the-dangers-of-snapchat-on-mental-health/

https://braveparenting.net/5-reasons-why-no-child-needs-snapchat/


Tik Tok / Exploitation / National Security:

https://www.scarymommy.com/parents-beware-dangers-tiktok/

https://onezero.medium.com/the-app-that-exposes-teens-to-catcalls-and-harassment-tiktok-musically-d98be52c6ff1

https://www.reuters.com/article/us-tiktok-cfius-exclusive/exclusive-u-s-opens-national-security-investigation-into-tiktok-sources-idUSKBN1XB4IL

On tiktok:

Would you be surprised to know that your daughter is dancing and mouthing words to songs with every awful word and phrase you can imagine?

How is that any different to the MTV generation (me)? I follow my DD on tiktok, and I have told her what songs I think are inappropriate for her to listen to, and sing along with. I have banned her on YT for accidentally seeing something she shouldn't have, so she knows I have no problem banning on her tiktok or other apps if she does something that is bad.

I'm not a fan of social media, at all, but this is how kids relate to each other now, so I don't want to completely ban them unless they give me cause. I check my kids' phones once in a while without any warning to them.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read the whole thread here but I will go back through:

We didn't allow ds any social media until 14 and then he could have pinterest, tik tok and instagram. We follow him on those. Absolutely NO snapchat for our house.

We didn't allow social media until 9th grade. I worked at a middle school and the boys weren't as bad, but the girl drama was insane with social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Instagram is FULL of porn. Videos and photos with full nudity
It also has cutting and anorexia and suicidal people all over it posting very disturbing content
At least snap chat is not introducing them to adult content in the same way

Read the news from this past week about fcps high schools and snapchat.

No. Social. Media. For. Elementary. Kids. Or. Middle. Schoolers.

OP this is your answer.

Exactly. And the more us parents stick together on this, the easier for all of us.