Which is worse- Snapchat, Instagram, or tiktok? 12 year old

[Anonymous]

Allowed by 13 yr old to have Instagram. I have access to her account on my phone as well. It is locked down
She downloaded snapchat after we told her no for months. Loss of phone so she knows we aren't kidding around. But her reason was ALL her friends have it. I don't care what all her friends have.
Allowed Tik Tok and instantly regretted it. Told her to delete it but b/c it was already downloaded on the phone she kept putting it back on. I finally deleted the account and put VPN on the phone.
Bottom line, its hard to pull them back once you've given them the apps.
If you choose to install VPN you need to have a conversation that you are putting it on. Kids can disable it and they need to know the consequence for that.

[Anonymous]

I think kids over 11 years old should be aloud tik tok Snapchat but not Instagram because kids seem to think they have to have the most expensive clothing on Instagram then that can lead to mental health issues but on Snapchat you can really wear whatever and you would be fine.The way I look at it as long as their on ghost mode on Snapchat and private mode for tik tok everything is fine

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- Thank you, I’m going to cut them all off. I would love to send them to her friends parents but I can’t handle both backlashes.
If I take all this off now (she only has snapchat and tiktok), I’m afraid she’ll do something vicious back. DD is spiteful. Then what about YouTube and Netflix, can we track those? What a mess.

You are afraid that your middle school age daughter will do "something vicious" in retaliation? Like burn the house down? Or are you just frightened when she gives you attitude, so you let her call all the shots?
This is really weird, OP. Just parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- Thank you, I’m going to cut them all off. I would love to send them to her friends parents but I can’t handle both backlashes.
If I take all this off now (she only has snapchat and tiktok), I’m afraid she’ll do something vicious back. DD is spiteful. Then what about YouTube and Netflix, can we track those? What a mess.

Give them an alternative. Let them start a group chat on Discord or start a whitelisted Minecraft server. There are ways to connect on line that aren't as risky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think kids over 11 years old should be aloud tik tok Snapchat but not Instagram because kids seem to think they have to have the most expensive clothing on Instagram then that can lead to mental health issues but on Snapchat you can really wear whatever and you would be fine.The way I look at it as long as their on ghost mode on Snapchat and private mode for tik tok everything is fine

Thank you, dear 10 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Instagram is FULL of porn. Videos and photos with full nudity
It also has cutting and anorexia and suicidal people all over it posting very disturbing content
At least snap chat is not introducing them to adult content in the same way

No Snapchat just shows it to them and then it disappears so you never know.

[Anonymous]

Social media is pretty dumb regardless of age. Confucius say, don't use facebook, just face book and study

[Anonymous]

Please read this first before allowing a tween onto social media.

Warning: graphic language by pedophile child abusers.

https://medium.com/@sloane_ryan/im-a-37-year-old-mom-i-spent-seven-days-online-as-an-11-year-old-girl-here-s-what-i-learned-9825e81c8e7d

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a middle school counselor and also have a rising 7th grader. I don't allow ANY social media. Not because it is "unsafe", but because of what I've seen it do to kids. I've had kids nearly suicidal over what they see on social media. They see other kids who post pictures where they are excluded and left out. I gave kids who are comparing their lives against others. The gifts they get the trips they go on, the list of material comparisons goes on and on. Even adults struggle with envy, feeling left out and the resulting loneliness that social media causes. You know what kids I don't see? The ones not on social media. I have some kids that dont care about social media, are not on it, and are happy. Each year the drama and social problems from social media get worse and worse and for a kid sitting at home alone on a Saturday night looking at snapchat or Instagram of what appears to be EVERYONE having the time of their LIVES while they didn't get an invite is a huge huge deal to a 13yr old. Most adults struggle in this scenario.To a teen or tween it feels utterly catastrophic.

I deal with these conversations, tears, stress and sadness over it on a daily basis. Why intentionally introduce into your young adults world something that will potentially make them feel depressed and inadequate? They are already insecure. This magnifies it. Give them the gift of allowing their brains and emotional intelligence time go mature before throwing them to the wolves.

THANK YOU for this. This is so well-said--much better than I have tried to say when explaining to people why I think social media is unhealthy for kids.

Also, thank you for being a middle-school counselor. This is God's work indeed.

Yes, THIS!! A million times this. It can be unsafe -- predators, and all. But for me, the bigger thing is what is is doing to kids. I am a freaking 40-something year old woman and social media has at times made me feel left out and depressed. Tweens and teens CANNOT HANDLE THAT!!!

[Anonymous]

All of these apps have live video broadcasting features as part of Direct Messaging (DMing). Tweens/teen don't download these apps for their main features but as sneaky ways to DM and broadcast live with others...i.e. sext with others. Every tween/teen (girls especially) are under immense peer pressure from boys and girls to share nudes. We all know that is a big no-no but happens all the time. Constantly, even in your house. Don't want that happening under your roof? Don't let them install ANY of these apps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Instagram is almost certainly the safest of the three but regardless don’t just let them download it and go at it; go into each app’s privacy settings and lock it down so not just anyone can search for them and send friend invites, view their uploaded content, etc. If they want to add a friend from school change the setting back temporarily to allow it and then lock it back down as much as possible.

Basically just make sure they can’t directly interact with anyone you don’t know. The default setting for any social media platform will facilitate this, so always lock down privacy settings on every relevant app and check it every so often to ensure the settings are still what you expect them to be.

Hi! I’m 12 and I have TikTok and SnapChat. I want to get Instagram instead of one of them but Mum says NO. Do you think I could get Instagram?

[Anonymous]

This from a parent whose screen-addict son is now skipping college. We spent so much time hassling/banning/monitoring him that it became his life's dream. Please let her learn to self-monitor. You will regret trying to manage this yourself, I can tell you.

Remember this truism: "What you focus on, expands." Let her figure it out, and talk to you about the challenges. Trust her because you raised her to know right from wrong, don't give her the idea that she can't do the right thing so she might as well not try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Instagram is FULL of porn. Videos and photos with full nudity
It also has cutting and anorexia and suicidal people all over it posting very disturbing content
At least snap chat is not introducing them to adult content in the same way

Google is full of porn, all kinds of porn if they want porn.

[Anonymous]

None of them! They’re all awful.

[Anonymous]

Teens use Snapchat the most...just monitor who your child is interacting with....