Which is worse- Snapchat, Instagram, or tiktok? 12 year old

[Anonymous]

I did tons of research before handing my kids an iPhone in 6th grade. We were upfront from the beginning, they get a phone but no social media, no privacy, and no phone at home until all the homework and chores were done. We’ll have a social media reassessment when they turn 15, and that is not a guarantee they’ll get any social media apps. They agreed to all terms. They are 12 and 14 now and are happy well adjusted kids with lots of friends. BTW, all their friends have tik tok and Instagram.

[Anonymous]

I posted earlier about the ability to easily see porn on Instagram
Outside that, there are so many “models” and girls posing on Instagram with perfected photos
I can’t imagine the message that sends young girls (and boys) about women and their bodies
Watch some of the 60 minutes Australia pieces on how many of these instant celebrities have serious body issues and eating disorders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Instagram is FULL of porn. Videos and photos with full nudity
It also has cutting and anorexia and suicidal people all over it posting very disturbing content
At least snap chat is not introducing them to adult content in the same way

Read the news from this past week about fcps high schools and snapchat.

No. Social. Media. For. Elementary. Kids. Or. Middle. Schoolers.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- Thank you, I’m going to cut them all off. I would love to send them to her friends parents but I can’t handle both backlashes.
If I take all this off now (she only has snapchat and tiktok), I’m afraid she’ll do something vicious back. DD is spiteful. Then what about YouTube and Netflix, can we track those? What a mess.

If she does anything back, she loses her smart phone. Period.

If she must have a phone, she gets a flip phone.

Don't let your elementary kid have all the power. If you manage her like this now, she will be uncontrollable in early high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Snap chat shows your location too.

You can turn that off

And the kid can turn it back on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Instagram is FULL of porn. Videos and photos with full nudity
It also has cutting and anorexia and suicidal people all over it posting very disturbing content
At least snap chat is not introducing them to adult content in the same way

Read the news from this past week about fcps high schools and snapchat.

No. Social. Media. For. Elementary. Kids. Or. Middle. Schoolers.

+100

+1,000

Plus, check the TOS for those services. I suspect that most, if not all, will say that they are for 13+. I see no reason to be MORE permissive.

After that, it's based on which services I can most easily monitor. Social media is something that kids need to be exposed to gradually, with guidance, to learn how to use it safely and responsibly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- Thank you, I’m going to cut them all off. I would love to send them to her friends parents but I can’t handle both backlashes.
If I take all this off now (she only has snapchat and tiktok), I’m afraid she’ll do something vicious back. DD is spiteful. Then what about YouTube and Netflix, can we track those? What a mess.

If she does anything back, she loses her smart phone. Period.

If she must have a phone, she gets a flip phone.

Don't let your elementary kid have all the power. If you manage her like this now, she will be uncontrollable in early high school.

+1

If she is spiteful, all the more reason for her not to have access to social media. If she does something vicious, then you take the phone away. Period.

YouTube is a cesspit, and I would not allow a 12-year-old unrestricted access. Netflix allows you to create accounts for different users, so that would be the most acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted earlier about the ability to easily see porn on Instagram
Outside that, there are so many “models” and girls posing on Instagram with perfected photos
I can’t imagine the message that sends young girls (and boys) about women and their bodies
Watch some of the 60 minutes Australia pieces on how many of these instant celebrities have serious body issues and eating disorders.

You can see porn on the internet, too. If they have any access to the internet at all then this is a concern.

I get there are distinct problems with social media. But, let's not pretend that is some sort of boogeyman that, once removed from their tablet or phone or whatever, they aren't going to see it. They can. They are.

I also think some of you can tone down your judgment a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- Thank you, I’m going to cut them all off. I would love to send them to her friends parents but I can’t handle both backlashes.
If I take all this off now (she only has snapchat and tiktok), I’m afraid she’ll do something vicious back. DD is spiteful. Then what about YouTube and Netflix, can we track those? What a mess.

As a parent I would not be mad if you sent info to me. I have a 13 yr old DD. If phrased well would not be offended.

[Anonymous]

I'm a middle school counselor and also have a rising 7th grader. I don't allow ANY social media. Not because it is "unsafe", but because of what I've seen it do to kids. I've had kids nearly suicidal over what they see on social media. They see other kids who post pictures where they are excluded and left out. I gave kids who are comparing their lives against others. The gifts they get the trips they go on, the list of material comparisons goes on and on. Even adults struggle with envy, feeling left out and the resulting loneliness that social media causes. You know what kids I don't see? The ones not on social media. I have some kids that dont care about social media, are not on it, and are happy. Each year the drama and social problems from social media get worse and worse and for a kid sitting at home alone on a Saturday night looking at snapchat or Instagram of what appears to be EVERYONE having the time of their LIVES while they didn't get an invite is a huge huge deal to a 13yr old. Most adults struggle in this scenario.To a teen or tween it feels utterly catastrophic.

I deal with these conversations, tears, stress and sadness over it on a daily basis. Why intentionally introduce into your young adults world something that will potentially make them feel depressed and inadequate? They are already insecure. This magnifies it. Give them the gift of allowing their brains and emotional intelligence time go mature before throwing them to the wolves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a middle school counselor and also have a rising 7th grader. I don't allow ANY social media. Not because it is "unsafe", but because of what I've seen it do to kids. I've had kids nearly suicidal over what they see on social media. They see other kids who post pictures where they are excluded and left out. I gave kids who are comparing their lives against others. The gifts they get the trips they go on, the list of material comparisons goes on and on. Even adults struggle with envy, feeling left out and the resulting loneliness that social media causes. You know what kids I don't see? The ones not on social media. I have some kids that dont care about social media, are not on it, and are happy. Each year the drama and social problems from social media get worse and worse and for a kid sitting at home alone on a Saturday night looking at snapchat or Instagram of what appears to be EVERYONE having the time of their LIVES while they didn't get an invite is a huge huge deal to a 13yr old. Most adults struggle in this scenario.To a teen or tween it feels utterly catastrophic.

I deal with these conversations, tears, stress and sadness over it on a daily basis. Why intentionally introduce into your young adults world something that will potentially make them feel depressed and inadequate? They are already insecure. This magnifies it. Give them the gift of allowing their brains and emotional intelligence time go mature before throwing them to the wolves.

THANK YOU for this. This is so well-said--much better than I have tried to say when explaining to people why I think social media is unhealthy for kids.

Also, thank you for being a middle-school counselor. This is God's work indeed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a middle school counselor and also have a rising 7th grader. I don't allow ANY social media. Not because it is "unsafe", but because of what I've seen it do to kids. I've had kids nearly suicidal over what they see on social media. They see other kids who post pictures where they are excluded and left out. I gave kids who are comparing their lives against others. The gifts they get the trips they go on, the list of material comparisons goes on and on. Even adults struggle with envy, feeling left out and the resulting loneliness that social media causes. You know what kids I don't see? The ones not on social media. I have some kids that dont care about social media, are not on it, and are happy. Each year the drama and social problems from social media get worse and worse and for a kid sitting at home alone on a Saturday night looking at snapchat or Instagram of what appears to be EVERYONE having the time of their LIVES while they didn't get an invite is a huge huge deal to a 13yr old. Most adults struggle in this scenario.To a teen or tween it feels utterly catastrophic.

I deal with these conversations, tears, stress and sadness over it on a daily basis. Why intentionally introduce into your young adults world something that will potentially make them feel depressed and inadequate? They are already insecure. This magnifies it. Give them the gift of allowing their brains and emotional intelligence time go mature before throwing them to the wolves.

THANK YOU for this. This is so well-said--much better than I have tried to say when explaining to people why I think social media is unhealthy for kids.

Also, thank you for being a middle-school counselor. This is God's work indeed.

I love working with middle schoolers! It is my pleasure. Wouldnt do any other age.

I do wish parents really knew how social media impacts their mental and emotional well being and I wish parents knew it is OK to not allow social media. Some parents get it, most don't. Their kids won't suffer , their kids will actually thrive without it. I have kids who think there is something wrong with them because they feel excluded and that exclusion is in their face 24×7. There is no escape. They feel like a personal failure. It is so sad to have to watch a smart, good, bright child with a lot to offer feel like a loser when they are anything but!

[Anonymous]

I am 14 and I am not into social media. But every time I open our home laptops to do my homework, I see this forum. I think my mom is addicted to it.

What can I do to make her quit this bad habit? Looks like my good example is not enough. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 14 and I am not into social media. But every time I open our home laptops to do my homework, I see this forum. I think my mom is addicted to it.

What can I do to make her quit this bad habit? Looks like my good example is not enough. Thanks!

DD is that you? You also tell me not to listen the moms of dc urban mom who don't want their children to have any fun at all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:12 year old,- 13 year old, seems, basically, the same ‘age corallation’ wise to me.

DD has Snapchat and tiktok. I told her, at first, NO to Snapchat and Instagram , musically (tiktok) seemed harmless; she somehow persuaded me to get Snapchat by asking me to it on my own phone and she showed me the fun features and to get me more use to the idea she has it on her phone ... should I be a stickler about not getting Instagram? And to Get off of Snapchat and tiktok too? Which is worse? ... I haven’t downloaded “my spy” ware yet but I will. [b] I just learned about VPN and now realize it’s why I cannot track her on Qustodio or Life360. [/] My spy says it tracks Snapchat. I am so behind/ beyond all of this technology. I know my DD (12) is good kid but...

How do you keep up with all this technology? Do both you and your spouse Both monitor, check, discuss “phone” social media stuff with your kids? My husband mainly leaves it to me unless there is an issue of some sort -then it’s my fault in conjunction with DD fault.

Wait, so she's currently using a VPN to make her usage untrackable? If that's the case, then you definitely have a problem brewing.

She's sneaking around, and in our house that would be grounds for having the phone taken away immediately. You say she's a "good kid," so she may not be doing anything problematic on those platforms yet. But if she's going as far as setting up a VPN to make herself untrackable, then you can bet she's considering it. I wouldn't consider that "good kid" behavior, personally. I mean, that takes some planning and forethought!

She's already figured out the technology to get around your rules, and no spyware is going to catch everything, especially if you're not as savvy as she is. You really need to remove her access entirely until she's mature enough to handle it, even if it means taking away her devices if she tries to sneak around and use the apps anyway. For me, sneakiness and spiteful behavior would definitely be indicators that my DD wasn't ready for social media.