How to handle classist parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents were in town recently & took my two roommates & I out for dinner (we're in grad school). Though I come from a well off background, I try not to bring up things as I don't want to seem like I was showing off. I was left deeply uncomfortable by my parents, especially my mother's behavior. Examples are: bringing up international family vacations nonchalantly, complaining about a nice restaurants being awful, calling a group of people "riff-raff", our neighborhood a "student ghetto", & a $45 dollar of wine "a steal". I care deeply about my parents & my friends but if my mom acts like this I don't want her to interact with my friends. Is there a way to approach the topic with my mom? I did call her out on the "riff-raff" comment at the restaurant.

OP you're an ungrateful spoiled brat aren't you? What a hypocrite.

You have no problem whatsoever enjoying the fruits of your shamefully "classist" parents (LOL uni talk that isn't it?) but you want to pretend you're not just as "classist" as they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my parents acted this way I would tell them next time we spoke that my friends in grad school come from all different economic backgrounds and I'm concerned that their comments could make them uncomfortable

The only appropriate response to your comment would be "You and your little student friends need to grow up."

[Anonymous]

I admire you OP for being able to form your own worldview outside of what you were probably taught by your mother. Talk to your mom and tell her how her words made you feel. Try to not attack what she said but instead focus on how it hurt you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I don't agree with the two previous posters. Those are cringe-worthy examples. Your parents are not necessarily classist, since class cannot be bought with money, but they definitely have poor manners.

I would talk to her directly about it and tell her to knock it off while with your friends.

Why are those comments cringe-worthy? What about them demonstrates poor manners?

It is in poor taste to insult a person's place of residence, neighborhood, favorite restaurant, or friends. Surely you know this.

Sure. But did her mother do all (or any) of those things? I don't think so.

Did you read the OP? Here it is:

My parents were in town recently & took my two roommates & I out for dinner (we're in grad school). Though I come from a well off background, I try not to bring up things as I don't want to seem like I was showing off. I was left deeply uncomfortable by my parents, especially my mother's behavior. Examples are: bringing up international family vacations nonchalantly, complaining about a nice restaurants being awful, calling a group of people "riff-raff", our neighborhood a "student ghetto", & a $45 dollar of wine "a steal". I care deeply about my parents & my friends but if my mom acts like this I don't want her to interact with my friends. Is there a way to approach the topic with my mom? I did call her out on the "riff-raff" comment at the restaurant.

Her mother insulted the students' (her daughter's and her friends') place of residence and neighborhood calling it "a student ghetto". Her mother insulted the restaurant that OP picked (may or may not be her favorite restaurant) as being awful. And her mother insulted her friends when she used the term "student ghetto" and called those in the neighborhood "riff raff".

Oh my goodness, all the snowflakes are going to just MELT.

[Anonymous]

I normally do not call out grammar and I am likely to make a mistake in this post since I have finally decided to do so:

"My parents were in town recently & took my two roommates & I out for dinner"

Will people ever learn the difference between ME and I?

It's not that hard. OP, remove your two roommates from the sentence. Your parents did not take "I" out to dinner.

The correct sentence should read, "My parents were in town recently and took my two roommates and ME out for dinner."

Why is this so hard for everyone? Do you think you are being proper by using "I"?

Sorry, big pet peeve and rant over!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are who they are. You’ll never change your mom. These are deep-seated attitudes. Just do better! Love her anyway. Laugh about it. Poke fun a little but be good humored.

The phrase is "deep-seeded."

I agree with your points.

I don't think so; the pp had it right. Deep-seated.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your mom was showing off. You might have a gentle talk with her about not wanting to embarrass friends who are less fortunate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I don't agree with the two previous posters. Those are cringe-worthy examples. Your parents are not necessarily classist, since class cannot be bought with money, but they definitely have poor manners.

I would talk to her directly about it and tell her to knock it off while with your friends.

Why are those comments cringe-worthy? What about them demonstrates poor manners?

I think things are more cringe worthy when they are done deaf vs bad mannered. I'm guessing PP might feel the same. People who have never had to code switch are the worst about this. It's not really their fault but situational awareness goes a long way

[Anonymous]

I think OP should focus on being grateful for their good fortune and stop judging. Maybe your parents are embarrassed by you. Worry about your behavior. If your embarrassed, you need to grow up.

[Anonymous]

Why be embarrassed by this. It’s your background. Own it.

As someone who came from a middle class background and married someone from old money, I’ve experienced this from my in-laws. They don’t know life any other way. I’m OK with that. What always bothers me is when my husband or his family tries to relate to people without money by pretending to slum or tell someb hard luck story from college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents were in town recently & took my two roommates & I out for dinner (we're in grad school). Though I come from a well off background, I try not to bring up things as I don't want to seem like I was showing off. I was left deeply uncomfortable by my parents, especially my mother's behavior. Examples are: bringing up international family vacations nonchalantly, complaining about a nice restaurants being awful, calling a group of people "riff-raff", our neighborhood a "student ghetto", & a $45 dollar of wine "a steal". I care deeply about my parents & my friends but if my mom acts like this I don't want her to interact with my friends. Is there a way to approach the topic with my mom? I did call her out on the "riff-raff" comment at the restaurant.

No, you can't. This is ingrained and her personality. You aren't going to change your mom. And the best way to deal with this is when your parents come to visit, warn your friends about their attitudes and let them know that it is okay if they want to decline invitations to join you with your parents while they visit. Many people won't care and will just go with the flow. Those who do care can make an excuse to decline the invitation. It won't matter to your parents. They are there to visit with you. Only friends who can tolerate listening to your parents' point of view will attend and all will be fine.

Yep. I have an aunt and uncle who are politically ultraconservative and can be obnoxious about it. The rest of my family and social circle are the polar opposite. The two sides do occasionally mix. I just try to give people a heads up about them so they aren't caught terribly off guard. It has always worked out ok since my aunt/uncle usually manage to restrain themselves and if not everyone else pretty much knows the situation by now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are who they are. You’ll never change your mom. These are deep-seated attitudes. Just do better! Love her anyway. Laugh about it. Poke fun a little but be good humored.

The phrase is "deep-seeded."

I agree with your points.

I don't think so; the pp had it right. Deep-seated.

Deep-seated, according to Webster's, means "deeply entrenched: ingrained." Deep-seeded has no dictionary entry.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP.... Who's paying for your "slum ghetto student" apartment / grad school / etc?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I don't agree with the two previous posters. Those are cringe-worthy examples. Your parents are not necessarily classist, since class cannot be bought with money, but they definitely have poor manners.

I would talk to her directly about it and tell her to knock it off while with your friends.

Why are those comments cringe-worthy? What about them demonstrates poor manners?

It is in poor taste to insult a person's place of residence, neighborhood, favorite restaurant, or friends. Surely you know this.

Sure. But did her mother do all (or any) of those things? I don't think so.

Did you read the OP? Here it is:

My parents were in town recently & took my two roommates & I out for dinner (we're in grad school). Though I come from a well off background, I try not to bring up things as I don't want to seem like I was showing off. I was left deeply uncomfortable by my parents, especially my mother's behavior. Examples are: bringing up international family vacations nonchalantly, complaining about a nice restaurants being awful, calling a group of people "riff-raff", our neighborhood a "student ghetto", & a $45 dollar of wine "a steal". I care deeply about my parents & my friends but if my mom acts like this I don't want her to interact with my friends. Is there a way to approach the topic with my mom? I did call her out on the "riff-raff" comment at the restaurant.

Her mother insulted the students' (her daughter's and her friends') place of residence and neighborhood calling it "a student ghetto". Her mother insulted the restaurant that OP picked (may or may not be her favorite restaurant) as being awful. And her mother insulted her friends when she used the term "student ghetto" and called those in the neighborhood "riff raff".

Oh my goodness, all the snowflakes are going to just MELT.

No, no-one is going to die because you are rude. We just won't like you very much. That's the trade-off for not caring.