How to handle classist parents

[Anonymous]

My parents were in town recently & took my two roommates & I out for dinner (we're in grad school). Though I come from a well off background, I try not to bring up things as I don't want to seem like I was showing off. I was left deeply uncomfortable by my parents, especially my mother's behavior. Examples are: bringing up international family vacations nonchalantly, complaining about a nice restaurants being awful, calling a group of people "riff-raff", our neighborhood a "student ghetto", & a $45 dollar of wine "a steal". I care deeply about my parents & my friends but if my mom acts like this I don't want her to interact with my friends. Is there a way to approach the topic with my mom? I did call her out on the "riff-raff" comment at the restaurant.

[Anonymous]

Your friends don’t care how your parents talk. You are just embarrassed because you are their kid. It will pass, it’s no big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your friends don’t care how your parents talk. You are just embarrassed because you are their kid. It will pass, it’s no big deal.

I agree.

Your parents may be classist, but I think these examples are more lite boorishness. I think the best thing for your mom would be to spend time with people in a wide range of economic situations, but I don't know that that is something you want to push. You could try having some open-ended conversations about wealth where you can both reflect on your values related to money and class. What likely won't work is you accusing her of being a snob and putting her on the defensive.

[Anonymous]

I don't agree with the two previous posters. Those are cringe-worthy examples. Your parents are not necessarily classist, since class cannot be bought with money, but they definitely have poor manners.

I would talk to her directly about it and tell her to knock it off while with your friends.

[Anonymous]

People are who they are. You’ll never change your mom. These are deep-seated attitudes. Just do better! Love her anyway. Laugh about it. Poke fun a little but be good humored.

[Anonymous]

You need to unclench. Everyone knows parents are difficult and are just people to get through spending time with.

Everyone's parents embarrass them.

[Anonymous]

You can't do a privilege check on your parents. If they take international vacations and order expensive wine, that's who they are.

You can only control your own behavior and attitudes. And I would add for what it's worth that if you're pretending to be someone you're not, that's fundamentally distasteful. As a poor graduate student, nothing I hated more than trust fund babies who talked about how poor they were in order to fit in. Own your identity.

[Anonymous]

By the way, I've never heard the word "riffraff" held up to public censure before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to unclench. Everyone knows parents are difficult and are just people to get through spending time with.

Everyone's parents embarrass them.

I feel bad for you! Not everyone hates their parents or is embrassed by them.

[Anonymous]

Don’t hang out with your parents and your friends. You can’t change your mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are who they are. You’ll never change your mom. These are deep-seated attitudes. Just do better! Love her anyway. Laugh about it. Poke fun a little but be good humored.

The phrase is "deep-seeded."

I agree with your points.

[Anonymous]

Unless you're 12, your parents don't need to see your friends or get to know them that often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents were in town recently & took my two roommates & I out for dinner (we're in grad school). Though I come from a well off background, I try not to bring up things as I don't want to seem like I was showing off. I was left deeply uncomfortable by my parents, especially my mother's behavior. Examples are: bringing up international family vacations nonchalantly, complaining about a nice restaurants being awful, calling a group of people "riff-raff", our neighborhood a "student ghetto", & a $45 dollar of wine "a steal". I care deeply about my parents & my friends but if my mom acts like this I don't want her to interact with my friends. Is there a way to approach the topic with my mom? I did call her out on the "riff-raff" comment at the restaurant.

You seem very insecure. Next time your parents are in town, your friends can choose or choose not to go out with your parents. My guess is that you are way more sensitive than your friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are who they are. You’ll never change your mom. These are deep-seated attitudes. Just do better! Love her anyway. Laugh about it. Poke fun a little but be good humored.

The phrase is "deep-seeded."

I agree with your points.

Uh, no:

https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/deep-seated-deep-seeded-usage

https://writingexplained.org/deep-seated-or-deep-seeded-difference

https://grammarist.com/usage/deep-seeded-deep-seated/

[Anonymous]

This is an adolescent concern