How to handle classist parents

[Anonymous]

I used to LOVE it when friends' parents took me out to a nice dinner when I was a broke student. Nothing your parents said was terrible (except don't have enough context for the riff raff comment). They are at a different stage of life than you - it's not classist to mention international vacations, restaurants, etc. You will be doing the same when you're their age and have more financial security. I actually went on more international vacations when I was broke than I do now bc I work all of the time. Plenty of people take cheap international flights, stay in hostels, etc. with money earned from a part-time job.

[Anonymous]

Adults don’t hold people’s parents foibles against them, OP. Relax!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are who they are. You’ll never change your mom. These are deep-seated attitudes. Just do better! Love her anyway. Laugh about it. Poke fun a little but be good humored.

The phrase is "deep-seeded."

I agree with your points.

hahahaha. You mean you think that the term originates because the attitude is "planted deeply"? That's amusing that you are so steadfast in your beliefs, but you are wrong.

Others have already cited references to correct you, so I won't do that. But thanks for the chuckle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents were in town recently & took my two roommates & I out for dinner (we're in grad school). Though I come from a well off background, I try not to bring up things as I don't want to seem like I was showing off. I was left deeply uncomfortable by my parents, especially my mother's behavior. Examples are: bringing up international family vacations nonchalantly, complaining about a nice restaurants being awful, calling a group of people "riff-raff", our neighborhood a "student ghetto", & a $45 dollar of wine "a steal". I care deeply about my parents & my friends but if my mom acts like this I don't want her to interact with my friends. Is there a way to approach the topic with my mom? I did call her out on the "riff-raff" comment at the restaurant.

No, you can't. This is ingrained and her personality. You aren't going to change your mom. And the best way to deal with this is when your parents come to visit, warn your friends about their attitudes and let them know that it is okay if they want to decline invitations to join you with your parents while they visit. Many people won't care and will just go with the flow. Those who do care can make an excuse to decline the invitation. It won't matter to your parents. They are there to visit with you. Only friends who can tolerate listening to your parents' point of view will attend and all will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I don't agree with the two previous posters. Those are cringe-worthy examples. Your parents are not necessarily classist, since class cannot be bought with money, but they definitely have poor manners.

I would talk to her directly about it and tell her to knock it off while with your friends.

Why are those comments cringe-worthy? What about them demonstrates poor manners?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I don't agree with the two previous posters. Those are cringe-worthy examples. Your parents are not necessarily classist, since class cannot be bought with money, but they definitely have poor manners.

I would talk to her directly about it and tell her to knock it off while with your friends.

Why are those comments cringe-worthy? What about them demonstrates poor manners?

It is in poor taste to insult a person's place of residence, neighborhood, favorite restaurant, or friends. Surely you know this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I don't agree with the two previous posters. Those are cringe-worthy examples. Your parents are not necessarily classist, since class cannot be bought with money, but they definitely have poor manners.

I would talk to her directly about it and tell her to knock it off while with your friends.

Your classist parents need to be classy and excercise discretion. You are the perfect person to educate them. Your mother sounds like a boor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I don't agree with the two previous posters. Those are cringe-worthy examples. Your parents are not necessarily classist, since class cannot be bought with money, but they definitely have poor manners.

I would talk to her directly about it and tell her to knock it off while with your friends.

Why are those comments cringe-worthy? What about them demonstrates poor manners?

It is in poor taste to insult a person's place of residence, neighborhood, favorite restaurant, or friends. Surely you know this.

Sure. But did her mother do all (or any) of those things? I don't think so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I don't agree with the two previous posters. Those are cringe-worthy examples. Your parents are not necessarily classist, since class cannot be bought with money, but they definitely have poor manners.

I would talk to her directly about it and tell her to knock it off while with your friends.

Why are those comments cringe-worthy? What about them demonstrates poor manners?

It is in poor taste to insult a person's place of residence, neighborhood, favorite restaurant, or friends. Surely you know this.

Sure. But did her mother do all (or any) of those things? I don't think so.

Did you read the OP? Here it is:

My parents were in town recently & took my two roommates & I out for dinner (we're in grad school). Though I come from a well off background, I try not to bring up things as I don't want to seem like I was showing off. I was left deeply uncomfortable by my parents, especially my mother's behavior. Examples are: bringing up international family vacations nonchalantly, complaining about a nice restaurants being awful, calling a group of people "riff-raff", our neighborhood a "student ghetto", & a $45 dollar of wine "a steal". I care deeply about my parents & my friends but if my mom acts like this I don't want her to interact with my friends. Is there a way to approach the topic with my mom? I did call her out on the "riff-raff" comment at the restaurant.

Her mother insulted the students' (her daughter's and her friends') place of residence and neighborhood calling it "a student ghetto". Her mother insulted the restaurant that OP picked (may or may not be her favorite restaurant) as being awful. And her mother insulted her friends when she used the term "student ghetto" and called those in the neighborhood "riff raff".

[Anonymous]

Were the friends in fact insulted by the use of the term "Student Ghetto"? Or did OP merely cringe? I bet it was the latter.

As for insulting the restaurant, why would the friends take that personally? Did they choose the restaurant? Did they somehow want to order the 45 dollar bottle of wine but were unable to? Did they know the "riffraff" and think they were fine people?

This all sounds like academic argument on OP's part, like she's ginning up offense that her friends could possibly have felt. Are her friends such delicate snowflakes that they can't hear the term "student ghetto" (surely used commonly) without filing an EEO complaint?

This is utterly ridiculous. This is a privileged person's version of "My Parents Are Bigots."

[Anonymous]

When I was in grad school everyone called the popular neighborhood “the Grad Ghetto.” That’s where most of us lived. But I can see if OP’s mom said it in a sneering tone or something, they would be offensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is an adolescent concern

No, my mom was still making my toes curl about this stuff when my friends and I were in our forties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to LOVE it when friends' parents took me out to a nice dinner when I was a broke student. Nothing your parents said was terrible (except don't have enough context for the riff raff comment). They are at a different stage of life than you - it's not classist to mention international vacations, restaurants, etc. You will be doing the same when you're their age and have more financial security. I actually went on more international vacations when I was broke than I do now bc I work all of the time. Plenty of people take cheap international flights, stay in hostels, etc. with money earned from a part-time job.

+1 for the obnoxious classist parents taking me out to an expensive dinner!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your friends don’t care how your parents talk. You are just embarrassed because you are their kid. It will pass, it’s no big deal.

Let’s hear some of the stellar conversations you kicked off at this dinner OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are who they are. You’ll never change your mom. These are deep-seated attitudes. Just do better! Love her anyway. Laugh about it. Poke fun a little but be good humored.

The phrase is "deep-seeded."

I agree with your points.

LOL I love it when people go out of their way to be simultaneously pedantic but completely wrong. It's obviously not really pedantry since the "correction" was actually wrong. It's faux-pedantry.

(And no PP I didn't just call you a child molestor.)