Polite detachment in face of emotional outburst

[Anonymous]

This is actually an interesting debate. Is it always better to de-escalate? What if one person is clearly in the right morally and the other is not? Is it never OK to show emotion?

[Anonymous]

OP, what would have felt like the right response to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is actually an interesting debate. Is it always better to de-escalate? What if one person is clearly in the right morally and the other is not? Is it never OK to show emotion?

That's a false binary. De-escalating doesn't mean nobody is allowed to show emotion, ever.

But it is a hyperbolic way of looking at it, so, consistent with the theme.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is actually an interesting debate. Is it always better to de-escalate? What if one person is clearly in the right morally and the other is not? Is it never OK to show emotion?

It's okay to show emotion, but an "emotional outburst" suggests that the person isn't really in control. And de-escalation means that you can have a calmer and likely more productive discussion about the issue. "Emotional outbursts" are not conducive to discussions.

[Anonymous]

I found it really interesting that OP herself called it an "emotional outburst." That wasn't someone else's interpretation; it was hers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I found it really interesting that OP herself called it an "emotional outburst." That wasn't someone else's interpretation; it was hers.

Im the poster who asked earlier about showing emotion. While I agree that an emotional outburst as it is usually defined would usually not be productive I don’t disagree and walking away from a situation always resolve it. I guess I’m somewhere in the middle. But I’m not someone that believes and bury my head in the sand as a general rule. It has got me in trouble in the past.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I found it really interesting that OP herself called it an "emotional outburst." That wasn't someone else's interpretation; it was hers.

Im the poster who asked earlier about showing emotion. While I agree that an emotional outburst as it is usually defined would usually not be productive I don’t disagree and walking away from a situation always resolve it. I guess I’m somewhere in the middle. But I’m not someone that believes and bury my head in the sand as a general rule. It has got me in trouble in the past.

Sorry. That should say I don’t agree that walking away from a situation is always best or always resolve things.

[Anonymous]

OP called the other woman "polite." that sounds good to me.
OP called herself out as having an "outburst." Sounds childish to me.

OP. You are clearly in the wrong. Try moderating your emotions a bit, then come back to us when you can speak calmly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I found it really interesting that OP herself called it an "emotional outburst." That wasn't someone else's interpretation; it was hers.

Im the poster who asked earlier about showing emotion. While I agree that an emotional outburst as it is usually defined would usually not be productive I don’t disagree and walking away from a situation always resolve it. I guess I’m somewhere in the middle. But I’m not someone that believes and bury my head in the sand as a general rule. It has got me in trouble in the past.

Sorry. That should say I don’t agree that walking away from a situation is always best or always resolve things.

OP’s friend said she didn’t want to keep rehashing it. That implies it’s been discussed before. I won’t keep discussing issues that are emotionally charged but have no resolution. It just feeds anxiety, and in my experience, the people who are having these outbursts are being driven by anxiety. I’ll discuss it until the discussion stops being productive, and then I’m done. It’s not cold, it’s healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people think detachment = maturity. Tell them to watch the new Serena Nike ad

Agree. She has poor communication skills and poor conflict resolution skills.

She can’t nuat leave $hit hanging and walk away to never deal with it.

If she doesn’t come back to actually resolve the conflict, the only thing you ever need to say is that you had hoped she went off to cool down and then return to resolve the conflict. Then go on and say it’s unfortunate that she does not want to clear this up, resolve it, and then move. Brushing things under a rug is not moving on nor mature.

Now you know you can’t trust her. You can still be friends but dont count in her to do the right thing.

Did you read the OP? The friend wasn't the one who needed to "cool down."

Nothing good comes of engaging with something even the person doing it would describe as an "emotional outburst."

Also, some conflicts can't be "resolved." You just disagree about something. Sometimes there's no point to beating a dead horse.

Agree but that is why we need to know what the conflict is here.
If OP got hurt by the friend, or out in danger, or a serious breach of trust or privacy, just walking away from who you hurt is wrong.

But if this was a mere disagreement about what beach house to rent together and they aren’t agreeing, then move on and find different friends for different things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what would have felt like the right response to you?

Excellent question

[Anonymous]

It really is.

[Anonymous]

I’m not going to hop on an emotional wild horse just because you chose to.

[Anonymous]

Was an apology in order? We’re feeling acknowledged or invalidated?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, how cold. A bunch of women here who can't deal with other people's emotions and would also walk away.
Are you also like that with your own families and children?

We also teach our children to react this way. It's called de-escalation. It's called courtesy. It's called self-control.
Surely you are not advocating for the reverse...

You teach your children wrong. They are not supposed to hurt someone and then when faced with it just walk away without sincerely apologizing.
It's not de-escalation. It's dismissive and cowardly. Not cool.