Polite detachment in face of emotional outburst

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently had an awkward encounter with a friend where she something had done something and I was upset about it. I told her I was upset. She was just looking at me with what I could only best describe as polite detachment. She only said, “ Well I see your point but I no longer want to go back and forth on this. “ and walked away.

Erm...wtf? Is she a sociopath?

It looks like you keep trying to rehash this, and she doesn’t think it’s worth her time because she’s not going to agree with you. She was the adult one here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I can see myself reacting the same way.

Same. When I think I’m right, you’re not changing my mind, and back-and-forth is pointless. So I let you know I’m done with the topic and will be moving on.

[Anonymous]

Wow, how cold. A bunch of women here who can't deal with other people's emotions and would also walk away.
Are you also like that with your own families and children?

[Anonymous]

Rude and disrespectful

[Anonymous]

I recently had an awkward encounter with a friend where she something had done something and I was upset about it. I told her I was upset. She was just looking at me with what I could only best describe as polite detachment. She only said, “ Well I see your point but I no longer want to go back and forth on this. “ and walked away.

Erm...wtf? Is she a sociopath?

I think it depends on how many times you previously went "back and forth." If you talked it through at least once already, and you guys couldn't agree, this is an ok way to try to put the topic to rest. If this is the first time you brought the issue up, and she's not hearing you out at least once on it and responding, it is insensitive.

[Anonymous]

I don't get it, did you have a very emotional confession or did she? So she did something that hurt you, then you told her about your hurt with an emotional outburst, and she was not sympathetic that her actions hurt you? Is that it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. It wasn’t trivial. It was kind of a big deal but she thinks I’m wrong to be upset and doesn’t care that I am.

What did you want from her? If she doesn’t think the event was a big deal, what do you expect her to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I can see myself reacting the same way.

Same. When I think I’m right, you’re not changing my mind, and back-and-forth is pointless. So I let you know I’m done with the topic and will be moving on.

Me too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, how cold. A bunch of women here who can't deal with other people's emotions and would also walk away.
Are you also like that with your own families and children?

Yeah, no. Remaining calm and not losing your cool isn't cold, it's adult.

You can insult all you like, but you may notice I won't insult you or call you names. I understand this is frustrating to you, and you might prefer me to get revved up because of "your emotions." Mabr it is validating or something.

Terribly sorry about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, how cold. A bunch of women here who can't deal with other people's emotions and would also walk away.
Are you also like that with your own families and children?

We also teach our children to react this way. It's called de-escalation. It's called courtesy. It's called self-control.
Surely you are not advocating for the reverse...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, how cold. A bunch of women here who can't deal with other people's emotions and would also walk away.
Are you also like that with your own families and children?

Yeah, no. Remaining calm and not losing your cool isn't cold, it's adult.

You can insult all you like, but you may notice I won't insult you or call you names. I understand this is frustrating to you, and you might prefer me to get revved up because of "your emotions." Mabr it is validating or something.

Terribly sorry about that.

It's probably OP sock-puppeting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people think detachment = maturity. Tell them to watch the new Serena Nike ad

Agree. She has poor communication skills and poor conflict resolution skills.

She can’t nuat leave $hit hanging and walk away to never deal with it.

If she doesn’t come back to actually resolve the conflict, the only thing you ever need to say is that you had hoped she went off to cool down and then return to resolve the conflict. Then go on and say it’s unfortunate that she does not want to clear this up, resolve it, and then move. Brushing things under a rug is not moving on nor mature.

Now you know you can’t trust her. You can still be friends but dont count in her to do the right thing.

Did you read the OP? The friend wasn't the one who needed to "cool down."

Nothing good comes of engaging with something even the person doing it would describe as an "emotional outburst."

Also, some conflicts can't be "resolved." You just disagree about something. Sometimes there's no point to beating a dead horse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people think detachment = maturity. Tell them to watch the new Serena Nike ad

Agree. She has poor communication skills and poor conflict resolution skills.

She can’t nuat leave $hit hanging and walk away to never deal with it.

If she doesn’t come back to actually resolve the conflict, the only thing you ever need to say is that you had hoped she went off to cool down and then return to resolve the conflict. Then go on and say it’s unfortunate that she does not want to clear this up, resolve it, and then move. Brushing things under a rug is not moving on nor mature.

Now you know you can’t trust her. You can still be friends but dont count in her to do the right thing.

There is no way you can get this from what OP posted. You must be projecting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, how cold. A bunch of women here who can't deal with other people's emotions and would also walk away.
Are you also like that with your own families and children?

Yeah, no. Remaining calm and not losing your cool isn't cold, it's adult.

You can insult all you like, but you may notice I won't insult you or call you names. I understand this is frustrating to you, and you might prefer me to get revved up because of "your emotions." Mabr it is validating or something.

Terribly sorry about that.

+1

ITA. Some people like a captive audience, ro have a point to prove. OP, it might work when you corner your husband about not doing the dishes, but it won't work in the real world.

Agree with the other poster that children know to deescalate - or "just walk away" this way. It is the adult thing to do.

Sounds to me like OP wanted to be right so much, she is willing to risk a friendship, and the friend really doesn't care what you have to say, OP. She's done. Accept it and move on. You sound like you have OCD, control issues, or worse. I can't imagine what is so important to ruminate over. It can't possibly be healthy for you, since you probably handle other insignificant matters this way, also. Why don't you share with us - because you know we would think the matter is trivial?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I can see myself reacting the same way.

+1. As adults, you state your point of view and move on.

She’s attached about it because it’s not a big deal to her. Agree to disagree is a valid emotional response and there’s no reason for her to blow up or be dramatic about it .