Being kind is more important than being right?

[Anonymous]

The correct answer is you need both

The kind vs right question is often used in personality tests like Myers Briggs

Kind is feelings heart F

Right is thinking mind T

The correct answer is you need both and when you are out of balance one way or the other bad things happen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think what's important here is understanding why this made you so angry.

OP here, not angry, just irritated. The reason is that this idea that kindness is always more important than being right is at odds with what we teach our kids. It's also at odds with reality. Truth be told, this is probably not the worst effort at teaching that has occurred in a school, just one I happen to notice since it's a large colorful poster on a door.

OP, I have a 4th grader with special needs and a low average IQ. He interprets language very literally and follows rules precisely. I have zero concern that a well-meaning but trite "inspirational" poster like this would cause him to become confused about when it's important to be "right" and when it's important to be "kind".

Might I suggest that the real issue here is not the poster itself but rather your deeper concerns about your kids and/or the quality of the school they attend. That's why your passion for this topic is confusing to many of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think what's important here is understanding why this made you so angry.

OP here, not angry, just irritated. The reason is that this idea that kindness is always more important than being right is at odds with what we teach our kids. It's also at odds with reality. Truth be told, this is probably not the worst effort at teaching that has occurred in a school, just one I happen to notice since it's a large colorful poster on a door.

OP, I have a 4th grader with special needs and a low average IQ. He interprets language very literally and follows rules precisely. I have zero concern that a well-meaning but trite "inspirational" poster like this would cause him to become confused about when it's important to be "right" and when it's important to be "kind".

Might I suggest that the real issue here is not the poster itself but rather your deeper concerns about your kids and/or the quality of the school they attend. That's why your passion for this topic is confusing to many of us.

OP here, thanks for engaging. I believe that all parents participating in this forum are generally proactive about their kids and/or the quality of the school they attend. We discuss our concerns through the various forum topics that are interesting to us. If you are suggesting that I am somehow surfacing an unconscious concern that my boys are bullies, let me put you at ease. My older one is a meekish introvert that I have to sometimes push/encourage to be more confident. While the younger one is rambunctious, he has been picked by the teacher to be a student ambassador because of his friendly and empathetic nature. I have to constantly balance my efforts, reining one in while pushing the other one to be more confident. It's a daily wonder to me that they are brothers. I have no concerns about the school, it's one of the best in the area. We bought into the area because of the schools here.

I am rather just focused on this poster and the idea behind it.

[Anonymous]

Of course one inspirational poster doesn’t encompass every possible situation in the world. But if you know kids this age, they are VERY inclined to point out others’ flaws and correct tiny mistakes in others just to make themselves look good. I had to use the actual line from the poster on my son (2nd grade) when he was sent to the principal’s office for loudly insisting that another girl used a word wrong. She was upset at being made fun of, and he just kept insisting that he was right and she was wrong. Children need to be taught empathy and social skills, both at home and in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think what's important here is understanding why this made you so angry.

OP here, not angry, just irritated. The reason is that this idea that kindness is always more important than being right is at odds with what we teach our kids. It's also at odds with reality. Truth be told, this is probably not the worst effort at teaching that has occurred in a school, just one I happen to notice since it's a large colorful poster on a door.

OP, I have a 4th grader with special needs and a low average IQ. He interprets language very literally and follows rules precisely. I have zero concern that a well-meaning but trite "inspirational" poster like this would cause him to become confused about when it's important to be "right" and when it's important to be "kind".

Might I suggest that the real issue here is not the poster itself but rather your deeper concerns about your kids and/or the quality of the school they attend. That's why your passion for this topic is confusing to many of us.

OP here, thanks for engaging. I believe that all parents participating in this forum are generally proactive about their kids and/or the quality of the school they attend. We discuss our concerns through the various forum topics that are interesting to us. If you are suggesting that I am somehow surfacing an unconscious concern that my boys are bullies, let me put you at ease. My older one is a meekish introvert that I have to sometimes push/encourage to be more confident. While the younger one is rambunctious, he has been picked by the teacher to be a student ambassador because of his friendly and empathetic nature. I have to constantly balance my efforts, reining one in while pushing the other one to be more confident. It's a daily wonder to me that they are brothers. I have no concerns about the school, it's one of the best in the area. We bought into the area because of the schools here.

I am rather just focused on this poster and the idea behind it.

Could your feelings about the importance of being right be related to your need to be at the best school in the area?

[Anonymous]

We need more kind people in this world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think what's important here is understanding why this made you so angry.

OP here, not angry, just irritated. The reason is that this idea that kindness is always more important than being right is at odds with what we teach our kids. It's also at odds with reality. Truth be told, this is probably not the worst effort at teaching that has occurred in a school, just one I happen to notice since it's a large colorful poster on a door.

OP, I have a 4th grader with special needs and a low average IQ. He interprets language very literally and follows rules precisely. I have zero concern that a well-meaning but trite "inspirational" poster like this would cause him to become confused about when it's important to be "right" and when it's important to be "kind".

Might I suggest that the real issue here is not the poster itself but rather your deeper concerns about your kids and/or the quality of the school they attend. That's why your passion for this topic is confusing to many of us.

OP here, thanks for engaging. I believe that all parents participating in this forum are generally proactive about their kids and/or the quality of the school they attend. We discuss our concerns through the various forum topics that are interesting to us. If you are suggesting that I am somehow surfacing an unconscious concern that my boys are bullies, let me put you at ease. My older one is a meekish introvert that I have to sometimes push/encourage to be more confident. While the younger one is rambunctious, he has been picked by the teacher to be a student ambassador because of his friendly and empathetic nature. I have to constantly balance my efforts, reining one in while pushing the other one to be more confident. It's a daily wonder to me that they are brothers. I have no concerns about the school, it's one of the best in the area. We bought into the area because of the schools here.

I am rather just focused on this poster and the idea behind it.

Could your feelings about the importance of being right be related to your need to be at the best school in the area?

OP here. I feel like I am having to constantly restate that I am not arguing being right is always more important than being kind - only sometimes. I also don't think it's fair for you to characterize the desire of parents to provide for their kids as a "need", insinuating that it's unhealthy. We all provide the best we can for our kids in accordance with our priorities and to the degree that our resources allow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Saw this poster on a door at Cooper Middle School in McLean, VA. I did a double take but the more I thought about it, the more irritated I became that this irrational hogwash is being taught to kids without mitigating context.

Yes, *SOMETIMES* it is more important to be kind than to be right. I can think of numerous scenarios where I would teach my kids to keep their thoughts to themselves because it's the right thing to do given the situation.

The issue I have with this poster is that it doesn't make this clarification and therefore is plainly wrong. I find it ironic that it is posted in a school, where we teach our kids to learn facts and reasoning first and foremost. I'm tempted to ask the teacher whether he/she gives all students an A since that's the kind thing to do.

What do other parents think, is being kind more important than being right, always?

Yes. I think that if your need to be right causes you to be unkind, you need to examine why it is so important to you to be right. I can imagine any number of situations in which a middle schooler would insist on being right in ways that are unkind. I cannot imagine a situation in which kindness would be the wrong response.

OP here. Yes I agree that there are situations where being kind is more important than being right - I acknowledged this in my original post. Your take that you can't imagine a situation in which kindness would be the wrong response rather depends on what you think kindness is. Is telling someone the truth about a situation, such as cutting someone from the sports team, even if it makes them sad, the kind thing to do?

I think that cutting someone from a sports team can be done kindly or unkindly. Saying, "I appreciate your enthusiasm for the team, but unfortunately, your skill at XYZ is not at the level the team requires at this time. Over the next year, I would recommend ABCD in order to improve those skills and to try out again next year" is a lot kinder than saying, "You are not good enough to play for this team" and offering no more feedback or information. I think that the poster you saw probably is intended to help middle schoolers learn to be tactful, which is not an innate skill for a lot of children.

OP here. It's quite clear that someone can be both kind and right at the same time, or be as kind as possible even if being right will cause some disappointment or sadness to the other person. But the message of the poster is that when there is a direct conflict between being kind and being right, then being kind is more important.

Can you give an example of where you think it is important to be right and unkind at the same time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Saw this poster on a door at Cooper Middle School in McLean, VA. I did a double take but the more I thought about it, the more irritated I became that this irrational hogwash is being taught to kids without mitigating context.

Yes, *SOMETIMES* it is more important to be kind than to be right. I can think of numerous scenarios where I would teach my kids to keep their thoughts to themselves because it's the right thing to do given the situation.

The issue I have with this poster is that it doesn't make this clarification and therefore is plainly wrong. I find it ironic that it is posted in a school, where we teach our kids to learn facts and reasoning first and foremost. I'm tempted to ask the teacher whether he/she gives all students an A since that's the kind thing to do.

What do other parents think, is being kind more important than being right, always?

Yes. I think that if your need to be right causes you to be unkind, you need to examine why it is so important to you to be right. I can imagine any number of situations in which a middle schooler would insist on being right in ways that are unkind. I cannot imagine a situation in which kindness would be the wrong response.

OP here. Yes I agree that there are situations where being kind is more important than being right - I acknowledged this in my original post. Your take that you can't imagine a situation in which kindness would be the wrong response rather depends on what you think kindness is. Is telling someone the truth about a situation, such as cutting someone from the sports team, even if it makes them sad, the kind thing to do?

I think that cutting someone from a sports team can be done kindly or unkindly. Saying, "I appreciate your enthusiasm for the team, but unfortunately, your skill at XYZ is not at the level the team requires at this time. Over the next year, I would recommend ABCD in order to improve those skills and to try out again next year" is a lot kinder than saying, "You are not good enough to play for this team" and offering no more feedback or information. I think that the poster you saw probably is intended to help middle schoolers learn to be tactful, which is not an innate skill for a lot of children.

OP here. It's quite clear that someone can be both kind and right at the same time, or be as kind as possible even if being right will cause some disappointment or sadness to the other person. But the message of the poster is that when there is a direct conflict between being kind and being right, then being kind is more important.

Can you give an example of where you think it is important to be right and unkind at the same time?

OP here, that's a false dichotomy. You don't need to be unkind just because you are not being kind. You can be indifferent. You don't have to always avoid being right just to be kind. Do you think it is right to give money to every pan handler you see? It certainly would be the kind thing to do, but is it the right thing to do? Are you being unkind to not give money to every pan handler you see? To more directly address your point, the "get off my lawn" refrain is a great example of a case where someone may feel the need to be unkind in order to do what's right, which is to protect their private property, and gentler reminders have fallen on deaf ears.

[Anonymous]

For goodness sakes, this is what's wrong with the world today.

#1 It's from a great book called Wonder.

#2 Yes, it is more important to be kind than to be right. I teach it to my kids every day.

And I just deleted what I wanted to say here because it was right, but not kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We need more kind people in this world.

+1,000