Being kind is more important than being right?

[Anonymous]

Saw this poster on a door at Cooper Middle School in McLean, VA. I did a double take but the more I thought about it, the more irritated I became that this irrational hogwash is being taught to kids without mitigating context.

Yes, *SOMETIMES* it is more important to be kind than to be right. I can think of numerous scenarios where I would teach my kids to keep their thoughts to themselves because it's the right thing to do given the situation.

The issue I have with this poster is that it doesn't make this clarification and therefore is plainly wrong. I find it ironic that it is posted in a school, where we teach our kids to learn facts and reasoning first and foremost. I'm tempted to ask the teacher whether he/she gives all students an A since that's the kind thing to do.

What do other parents think, is being kind more important than being right, always?

[Anonymous]

It's a poster. You're giving it far too much attention and thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Saw this poster on a door at Cooper Middle School in McLean, VA. I did a double take but the more I thought about it, the more irritated I became that this irrational hogwash is being taught to kids without mitigating context.

Yes, *SOMETIMES* it is more important to be kind than to be right. I can think of numerous scenarios where I would teach my kids to keep their thoughts to themselves because it's the right thing to do given the situation.

The issue I have with this poster is that it doesn't make this clarification and therefore is plainly wrong. I find it ironic that it is posted in a school, where we teach our kids to learn facts and reasoning first and foremost. I'm tempted to ask the teacher whether he/she gives all students an A since that's the kind thing to do.

What do other parents think, is being kind more important than being right, always?

Yes. I think that if your need to be right causes you to be unkind, you need to examine why it is so important to you to be right. I can imagine any number of situations in which a middle schooler would insist on being right in ways that are unkind. I cannot imagine a situation in which kindness would be the wrong response.

[Anonymous]

Not if it puts someone in danger.
Not if it lowers the intellectual discourse.
Not if it perpetuates misinformation.

The poster was obviously referring to teens' social lives and perhaps the message is sorely needed, but I agree with you that it lends itself to misinterpretation.

[Anonymous]

But OP, the poster does come with context. It's just that you missed it.

The phrase (and the poster font, too) is a reference to the fiction book read by many elementary students, Wonder by R.J. Palacio. You should read it - it's a quick and easy read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Saw this poster on a door at Cooper Middle School in McLean, VA. I did a double take but the more I thought about it, the more irritated I became that this irrational hogwash is being taught to kids without mitigating context.

Yes, *SOMETIMES* it is more important to be kind than to be right. I can think of numerous scenarios where I would teach my kids to keep their thoughts to themselves because it's the right thing to do given the situation.

The issue I have with this poster is that it doesn't make this clarification and therefore is plainly wrong. I find it ironic that it is posted in a school, where we teach our kids to learn facts and reasoning first and foremost. I'm tempted to ask the teacher whether he/she gives all students an A since that's the kind thing to do.

What do other parents think, is being kind more important than being right, always?

Yes. I think that if your need to be right causes you to be unkind, you need to examine why it is so important to you to be right. I can imagine any number of situations in which a middle schooler would insist on being right in ways that are unkind. I cannot imagine a situation in which kindness would be the wrong response.

OP here. Yes I agree that there are situations where being kind is more important than being right - I acknowledged this in my original post. Your take that you can't imagine a situation in which kindness would be the wrong response rather depends on what you think kindness is. Is telling someone the truth about a situation, such as cutting someone from the sports team, even if it makes them sad, the kind thing to do?

[Anonymous]

In our day to day lives, I think it is more important to be kind than to be right. We aren't talking about work or about taking a test in school. This is for social situations.

Have you met the person who can't stand to be wrong? When their ego is so fragile that they must be right at all times? Or, they are so focused on what THEY think that they can't consider someone else's point of view? The poster is for that person.

Teens can figure this out. They don't need qualifiers on the poster (for god's sake) to understand.

[Anonymous]

I think it bears pondering why this would irritate you so badly when it's a simple and actually quite beautiful message.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Saw this poster on a door at Cooper Middle School in McLean, VA. I did a double take but the more I thought about it, the more irritated I became that this irrational hogwash is being taught to kids without mitigating context.

Yes, *SOMETIMES* it is more important to be kind than to be right. I can think of numerous scenarios where I would teach my kids to keep their thoughts to themselves because it's the right thing to do given the situation.

The issue I have with this poster is that it doesn't make this clarification and therefore is plainly wrong. I find it ironic that it is posted in a school, where we teach our kids to learn facts and reasoning first and foremost. I'm tempted to ask the teacher whether he/she gives all students an A since that's the kind thing to do.

What do other parents think, is being kind more important than being right, always?

Yes. I think that if your need to be right causes you to be unkind, you need to examine why it is so important to you to be right. I can imagine any number of situations in which a middle schooler would insist on being right in ways that are unkind. I cannot imagine a situation in which kindness would be the wrong response.

OP here. Yes I agree that there are situations where being kind is more important than being right - I acknowledged this in my original post. Your take that you can't imagine a situation in which kindness would be the wrong response rather depends on what you think kindness is. Is telling someone the truth about a situation, such as cutting someone from the sports team, even if it makes them sad, the kind thing to do?

I think that cutting someone from a sports team can be done kindly or unkindly. Saying, "I appreciate your enthusiasm for the team, but unfortunately, your skill at XYZ is not at the level the team requires at this time. Over the next year, I would recommend ABCD in order to improve those skills and to try out again next year" is a lot kinder than saying, "You are not good enough to play for this team" and offering no more feedback or information. I think that the poster you saw probably is intended to help middle schoolers learn to be tactful, which is not an innate skill for a lot of children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it bears pondering why this would irritate you so badly when it's a simple and actually quite beautiful message.

OP here, the irony is not lost on me that by giving this poster more than a passing thought and arguing against its message, I'm doing exactly what the poster advocates against. I guess it irritates me because life situations are complex and that we need to use both left and right halves of our brain to make good life choices. Both emotion and logic have their place and we should not misguide the formative years of our kids with confusing messages. I would similarly argue against a poster that proclaimed being right is more important than being kind.

I know the message is intended to be simple and beautiful, but it is plainly wrong and does not reflect how humans actually behave in polite society.

[Anonymous]

Knowing when to let something go or even tell a white lie is a skill kids have to learn. As an argumentative woman, I sympathize with your reaction and I'm very sensitive to language about "being nice," especially with girls, but being "kind" is a different beast from "nice" and it suggests empathy and generosity to me, not just "being nice" for the sake of "being nice." Kindness imo isn't incompatible with empiricism or justice or argument or outspokenness.


It's kind of a dumb poster but maybe you can use it to spark a conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Saw this poster on a door at Cooper Middle School in McLean, VA. I did a double take but the more I thought about it, the more irritated I became that this irrational hogwash is being taught to kids without mitigating context.

Yes, *SOMETIMES* it is more important to be kind than to be right. I can think of numerous scenarios where I would teach my kids to keep their thoughts to themselves because it's the right thing to do given the situation.

The issue I have with this poster is that it doesn't make this clarification and therefore is plainly wrong. I find it ironic that it is posted in a school, where we teach our kids to learn facts and reasoning first and foremost. I'm tempted to ask the teacher whether he/she gives all students an A since that's the kind thing to do.

What do other parents think, is being kind more important than being right, always?

Yes. I think that if your need to be right causes you to be unkind, you need to examine why it is so important to you to be right. I can imagine any number of situations in which a middle schooler would insist on being right in ways that are unkind. I cannot imagine a situation in which kindness would be the wrong response.

OP here. Yes I agree that there are situations where being kind is more important than being right - I acknowledged this in my original post. Your take that you can't imagine a situation in which kindness would be the wrong response rather depends on what you think kindness is. Is telling someone the truth about a situation, such as cutting someone from the sports team, even if it makes them sad, the kind thing to do?

I think that cutting someone from a sports team can be done kindly or unkindly. Saying, "I appreciate your enthusiasm for the team, but unfortunately, your skill at XYZ is not at the level the team requires at this time. Over the next year, I would recommend ABCD in order to improve those skills and to try out again next year" is a lot kinder than saying, "You are not good enough to play for this team" and offering no more feedback or information. I think that the poster you saw probably is intended to help middle schoolers learn to be tactful, which is not an innate skill for a lot of children.

+1, not cutting the kid is not necessarily "kindness."

[Anonymous]

There's so much focus on academics/competing/always having the right answer that the kindness/ethics/being a good person angle has gotten lost. I applaud this poster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it bears pondering why this would irritate you so badly when it's a simple and actually quite beautiful message.

OP here, the irony is not lost on me that by giving this poster more than a passing thought and arguing against its message, I'm doing exactly what the poster advocates against. I guess it irritates me because life situations are complex and that we need to use both left and right halves of our brain to make good life choices. Both emotion and logic have their place and we should not misguide the formative years of our kids with confusing messages. I would similarly argue against a poster that proclaimed being right is more important than being kind.

I know the message is intended to be simple and beautiful, but it is plainly wrong and does not reflect how humans actually behave in polite society.

Having a special needs child or a disability might put this in a totally different context for you. Since disability is part of the human life cycle, I daresay one day you will understand and appreciate this message. I'm not trying to be nasty. I just think you are not ready for this message.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In our day to day lives, I think it is more important to be kind than to be right. We aren't talking about work or about taking a test in school. This is for social situations.

Have you met the person who can't stand to be wrong? When their ego is so fragile that they must be right at all times? Or, they are so focused on what THEY think that they can't consider someone else's point of view? The poster is for that person.

Teens can figure this out. They don't need qualifiers on the poster (for god's sake) to understand.

OP here. It's helpful to acknowledge that being kind and being right is not mutually exclusive, and are also not absolutes. Giving someone constructive criticism is both being kind and being right. Not giving someone criticism when they need it should not be confused with being kind.

I do hope that our kids will give the message in this poster some deeper thought.